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love is ..............

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by manu2345, Oct 13, 2011.

  1. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    Love means different things to different people at different times. Bollywood movies have highly exaggerated the emotions/feelings associated with love and one gets confused if what we feel is truly love and complicate matters questioning our feeling and seeking that supposedly elusive thing.

    To me love is

    Acceptance of one another warts and all ...we want to be with someone not because they are perfect but inspite of their faults. The understanding and acceptance that we are not perfect neither are they but we are perfect together.

    Appreciation - we focus on what we actually like about the other person and it consumes our whole being. We look at them and we enjoy them for what they are, their joy, their sadness, their insights, their companionship, their silence etc. It is not just one single isolated thing abt them, but their entire being.

    Wanting the other person to be safe, happy, good at all costs.

    To do all the above, we need to make a conscious decision....love is not instant 2min noodle, it needs constant work, we have to make ourselves fall in love with the same person every day. Love marriage or arranged marriage, love needs committment to work towards making it a success.
     
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  2. manu2345

    manu2345 Junior IL'ite

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    hi
    thanks for your replies.
    actually , there is a thing keeps bothering me. When i was in medical college there was a guy and we did our practicals together. it was the norm in medical college.
    later we were not together for clinics and other work.
    but, somehow i felt something for him and i saw this in his eyes too. as we went further on our studies, we did not come in contact but i found many times staring at me and my friend and many classmates knew this.
    anyways, nothing happened. I started working and he did his further studies.We are doing fine in our individual lives. I waited for him but then had to marry someone.
    Now I have this always in my mind , why did not he express his love? we were both going to be doctors. Even if we were not from same cast, what could have gone wrong? If it was my delusion, then what i saw in his eyes many times , was that wrong? why dont boys/men express their love?
    Sorry to write very personal thing. But suppose if i meet him now, and find out htat he is not married , then ?
     
  3. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    From your post it appears that you are a married lady.

    Sometimes you long for an old flame (especially when you are going through a rough patch). And seeing the OF again, you may have doubts. But from your post you didnt have any serious relation with this doc classmate - so you wouldnt know if he was better or worse than your DH

    I wouldnt dwelve too much on it. And I wouldnt suggest an EMA either. If you want to go for the OF, you can do but you should exit out of the marriage.

    Dont worry - such thoughts are normal when you go through rough times. Just dont linger too much on it

    And if you arent married and he isnt married -Go For it :) Invite for coffee to catch up with old times and go from there.
     
  4. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    It is human nature to have doubts and be constantly assailed with "what if's" and "if only's" especially when things in a marriage or any relationship isnt going in the direction we expect it to....but prudence lies in accepting what we have and appreciate it instead of longing for what was not meant to be. Having such thoughts abt the past will affect your present. Dont risk what you have for something that didnt even start.
     
  5. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    There is a lot between the cup and the lip. Almost everyone has those fond memories of what might/could/would have been. But the fact of the matter is that there would not have been a lot. You may have disliked him for his bad manners, or bad breath, or timidness or ... a million things.

    So just enjoy the memory. There was (likely) nothing there. It was like a lottery ticket you bought but did not check the results for and expired eons ago. You could have made a million (an extremely low probability) or nothing (high chance). It's water under the bridge.
     
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  6. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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    @SSC: Thank you :)

    I just wanted to add to my original post that, whenever I 'feel' unloving I look back to the 'Love Chapter' from the Bible and it helps me keep things in the right perspective. I hope it benefits some of your out there :)

    Love is patient, love is kind.
    It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
    It does not dishonor others,
    it is not self-seeking,
    it is not easily angered,
    it keeps no record of wrongs.
    Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
    It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
    Love never fails.
    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
    (1 Corinthians 13)

    As you can see, most of what love involves is 'doing' something instead of 'feeling'.

    Carol
     
  7. aminroop

    aminroop IL Hall of Fame

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    well you cud have gone ahead and expressed your feelings to him right den. but you dint. so now no point in dwelling on that. just believe that everything that has happened and will happen in future, happens for the 'greater good'. it was just not destined. and that cant be helped.

    on a lighter note, check out this thread...on an almost related issue. http://www.indusladies.com/forums/snippets-of-life-non-fiction/118352-a-love-story-wasn-t.html just for laughs! :)
     
  8. lauren

    lauren Senior IL'ite

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    if a guy we get involved with always manages to fulfill our wishes,we like it and say its love....and if he cheats us,v tend to move on aftr sometym,get along with some1 n dnt consider the earlier 1 as love.....inspite v had shared same feelings with both....love is the bond that v share with some1...there is no age ,no particular time for falling in love...love is nthn that happens only one,v usually tend to like the one who is opposite to us...why?because v want to know dat person more closely...we like things that happens in an unnatural way...
    love happens in diifrnt ways,,sometimes only a single glace works out and sometimes it takes years to get that thread...........thz no one who havn't yet experienced ths,in teenage or as grown ups....
     
  9. manu2345

    manu2345 Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you to all of you for your responses.
    I was struggling with myself as i have seen him after many years. I am hurt in my marriage and there is no way it will be repaired. for all these years , i was holding myself for my daughter. but i have realized, if a marriage breaks, even having child doesnot help it.
    This time i cant repeat my mistake.
     
  10. rosy786

    rosy786 IL Hall of Fame

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    YOU dont know when you falling in LOve with that person,that is true love............
     

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