sad hearts/ possibly pregnant/ heavy burden/ WDYT???

mud · Sep 30, 2011

You know? I think it would be a relief if he was fooling around... better that than death and what have you....
I am making light of his story because it eases me to do so. But I am fully aware of the veracity of such a situation. I am lucky to have God with me and mine this is why I don't worry too much for myself or my children I fully put my trust in him. I do however worry for my honey because he has no system of faith. If he cannot see a way he will not walk, he is that type of man.

mud · Sep 30, 2011

This will be great for us but what of his family?

mud · Sep 30, 2011

I don't want to run I just want to do the right thing, what is the right thing to you? us be happy whilst three lives are lost or us be apart still live a full life and those three lives remain intact?... thats what i can see

mud · Sep 30, 2011

pretty messed up... I'm at a loss... this is ridiculous

ars · Sep 30, 2011

Why do you think three lives will be lost if you legalize your relationship?

mud · Sep 30, 2011

Above i explained that he believes if he tells his parents they will be so hurt they will drink poison and then who will hold his remaining sisters hand? he will never be able to go back there, his extended family which is vast will deal to him and us if they got the chance. I can't be with him in secret that is just wrong and one day he will be called home to marry no doubt. He has thought about just never going back. It will kill them, they already lost one child and to lose the only son? messy no win situation

bebe · Sep 30, 2011

dear, I cannot judge your BF since I don´t know him. You are the only one here who knows him and his character. You are the only one, who can judge how sincere he is.

For me, as an Indian, his reasoning does sound fishy. We have heard these kind of talks and dramas from man one too many times. Eventually, it has turned out in all most all cases, that the girl was taken for a ride. The girl gets dumped and has to face the responsibilites herself (in your case, that would be 3 kids). Or in other cases, the guy breaks off (or sometimes even not), goes to india, gets married to an innocent indian girl, who has no clue about his past life abroad (like you had no clue about his past life in india). Then suddenly bonk:bonk:bonk) the guy realizies that he loves his ex-girlfriend and that he actually only got married to the indian girl, to make his parents happy and now he wants out of the marriage. So what does he do??? He dumps his legally wedded wife to run back to his (ex-)GF.

So, maybe you understand now, why the alarm bells are ringing in some of us here. This soap opera these men fabricate we have seen too many times...

You sound like a genuine nice girl, with a level-headed attidude. You have kids, you have seen the ups and downs in the world. But you are being naive. Go through the stories in this forum, talk to INDIAN friends of his, understand what the culture is about. Understand if the drinking poison is an empty threat (OHHH, Indian parents do love the drama) or how real it is in his community.
Legalize your relationship and than tackle the obstacles. No need for you and your husband to sacrifies the happiness, at least of your children.

As for the poison-drinking drama - do you HONESTLY believe that?

mud · Sep 30, 2011

yea i do believe it... am i being gullible? it all seemed to fall into place, the way he's been acting and everything... Now that he's told me he's not sleeping and he's feeling sorry for me, he knows i'm taking his burden on. He came home last night and checked my eyes for tears asking was if i had been crying. I hadn't been i was just tired. Years ago i had heard about a couple in a society like his that poisoned themselves over their daughter so i guess it's uncommon but it has happened elsewhere. His friend also lost a sister through love of a lower caste guy. The whole family goes in on it and are happy to stamp out the blot??? It's sad... so if they can't stamp out the blot they will remove themselves?? farrr this sounds ripped... Is there really places that practice like this in far rural areas??? It does sound far fetched, I googled and found lots of incidents and webpages against the practice.... so foreign to me it's probably foreign to most indian people!! even

omnam · Sep 30, 2011

ok. Go out of his life. Leave him. His parents will get him married to some other girl. That girl wont allow him to talk to you. Now, your guy will love other girl, have kids with her. Might meet you somewhere but wont even give you glance being married guy, your kids will brought up without dad, will not get dad's love whereas other lady's kids will get all love from him.

You will be happy then.

Didnt he knew all about his family, dad and society before having kids with you!!!

Love marriage are veryyyy common in India. Even elope for marriage. For few days parents curse their son and daughter but very few ppl commite suicide for this.

Ask him to get married to you, no need to tell his family till his sis get married. Once his sis is married, he can very well tell that.

If you say he is not bad person. He cant plan to ruin somebody's life, then better you plan for you ppl good life. Get married with him. Stay with him in Australia. Dont reveal to his family that he is being married. Once his sis is married tell them.

Since his dad is corrupted and so on, these kind of ppl will not commit suicide. If you fear of honour killing, its not possible as you are in some other part of world, your law will protect your family.

sunshinegaljuhi · Sep 30, 2011

Dear Mud,

If I were in your shoes, I would get up and leave too. Not becos my BF's parents are sort of people who kill themselves or my BF has suddenly woken up after so many years to the fact that he cant do what he has done already!! But bcos he is simply not the kind of guy who deserves me.

This guy is contemplating leaving you and his own kid and go back to his parents and be the good boy! This feeling of sadness and caring is all pretense...no one who actually loves his GF and his kid will ever even think about leaving them. He will think of solutions....not escape.

He does not love you, he has had his fun, now with 2 or maybe 3 kids - its too much responsibility, his parents may have already found him a lovely virgin bride...so he wants OUT! Yes, its harsh...but the truth.

Even if you stay with him, this secrecy and his associated guilt and restlessness will drive you mad. If someone does not want to stay and hold your hand thru all obstacles - its impossible to make him do it. This guy is not as good as you think..he seems to be a great actor. Please wake up and see what he is doing and has already done to you. He doesnt want to be responsible now for anything!

Please think without getting all emotional and plan your next move keeping your children's welfare in mind. Its a good thing to forgive people, but don't do something for which your child does not forgive you in future.

Love
Sgj