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Confronted MIL cos she badmouthed me...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shruthi10, Sep 20, 2011.

  1. shruthi10

    shruthi10 New IL'ite

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    Yesterday MIL told my daughter (6 yrs old) that I am crazy and need to go to a mental hospital...I don't care, I am not going to let them affect me...they just want me to quarrel with my husband. I am just going to ignore and be happy...I will prove to them that I can be happy with my family despite all their taunts.
     
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  2. cutekid

    cutekid Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Shruthi,

    I too stay in Singapore,and work full time,I have 1 kid.I am managing on my own with a stay home maid.I have installed camera's & watch my kid.If u wanted someone to help u on weekends,why didnt u call part time maids???Instead of all this trouble.Do u understand that U r spoiling ur image in front of ur hubby & kids......If ur kids get influenced by them & think u r bad....like the way ur hubby is pissed off with u...what value will u have as a mother or wife??

    Y dont u send ur kids to day care or Keep maid urself.
    Y dont u have a part time local maid?

    It was such a good arangement that u kids were watched by their own family memebers ,instead of fighting with ur inlaws...u shld have paid them half the money of ur maid's salary for helping u taking care of ur kids.......
    U want them to support u but dont want to be good to them...They may be bad...but u have to act smart....

    Think abt it..Here not many are supporting you coz ur r emotional & ppl here are practical.They know that staying in the same city & hubby will definetly not tolerate such misunderstanding.He must be very stressed out with such scence.u have lost peace of ur family.Be smart & amicable.
     
  3. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Well... here Op is asking for suggestion to make her life better. I guess blaming will not help her.

    Its easy to say that adjust with ILs and be smart and all. But you just couldnt consider the other part of the coin. Do you understand how difficult for her to handle 3 ppl against her after already being stressed in cooking, cleaning, getting kids ready, 9hrs of job? And we really dont know what kind of situation she might be facing? we are no one to point out who is at mistake?

    For those who think its easy in job with 2kids and this kind of ILs. I just want to ask these question.

    Do you live with your ILs or stay in same city?, Does your DH helps you in house chores with kid, spends time with you?, Do your DH atleast consider you in making any decision of house or doing anything important? or does he ever intervene in your small small decision also? Do your ILs influence your DH? Do you ppl fight after your DH talk to your ILs?


    First of all, It was not at all good arrangement as her ILs already have 3kids to be taken care but they couldnt say no to OP's Dh when he proposed this kind of arrangement to his family. This was the wrong decision made by him not OP. Imagine a house filled with 5kids with a elderly lady and one lady to take care of everything. Daily they cant take care. ILs cant show frustration to their own son, so taking out on OP by badmouthing abt her. Have we seen ppl badmouth abt their son but blame their DIL telling only DIL is teaching him.

    How about bad mouthing to maids and kids by ILs?!! this is real cheap. Nobody can withstand with these kinds of situation and act cool and smart.

    Secondly, Her DH dont want to hire maid for herself.

    It is her DH decisions in which she is been blamed and sandwhiched. If DH's decision is influened or indepent that another story.

    As said few advices are easy to say than to follow. Might be ppl following but ppl are different and situation too.
     
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  4. shruthi10

    shruthi10 New IL'ite

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    I took part time maids at times...my husband is the one who asked for the maid...cos we used to send our maid. We thot the arrangement wld remain. My in laws stay 5 mins away from me...so we juz thot this arrangement wld be convenient. Anyway, we giving them $500 SGD per month...maids total cost is abt 500 per month (Salary is 330 and levy is 170). So I dun think the money is the problem. My nieces are at school...they only come back ard 4pm...they are aged 10, 12 and 14.

    My husband is the one who wants to put the kids with his mum...he said his mum is lonely in the mornings and also he wants the kids to have a relationship with his mum.

    She is gd to my kids...but lately she has been badmouthing me to my daughter too...

    the reason she tells my gal abt me is cos she wants me to get angry and fight with my husband...at the confrontation, she made it clear that if she wants my hubby to leave me..she can make him do it...

    She also commented abt my dressing in a v vulgar way altough i wear long sleeve and long pants all the time...and her daughter dresses same like me.

    She also called my sis in law (first daughter in law) and also the maid a prostitute...she is a v uncultured person I feel...but she is still my husband's mother....

    Just bcos she is his mum, she cant say anything she wants....it hurts....like what is the reason that she had to say I am crazy and have to be in a mental hospital...my daughter cant recall the context...and the reason she said it...but I am at work...I didnt even do or talk anything to her yesterday...so for now i feel that i shld just let her say what she wants....since she is old...and we cant control pple's mouths...but i jus dun want her taking care of my kids in the long term...

    I am looking v hard for a maid now...after I find a suitable one, I need to convince my hubby.
     
  5. cutekid

    cutekid Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Shruthi,

    I am not trying to blame u or say anythng bad...its just my advice.If u dont like kindly ignore.

    Well....I think its very imp for us that atleast we are loved & respected by our family & kids...If this is getting compromised ...u have take action to stop it.For eg ur child is growing up they should not think bad about your neither they should learn the same habits as your mother in law....

    For ur best interests...u dont get involved in their matters or let them get involve in your life.Stay away but atleast amicable....This is just a practical advice.So it will save all the trouble...Once in a while u can send the kids to meet their grandmother & all....

    Just ignore her comments abt ur dressing n all,U can chose what u want to wear,its your life.
     

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