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can you talk about sex with your fiance?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by whiteorchid, Sep 21, 2011.

  1. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry to divert the thread. ASG, we are hering from u after quite some time. How are u? How are things at your end?
     
  2. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    ASG, good to hear from u. Hope u are fine.Sorry for divertigjn the thread.
     
  3. ramyasuresh

    ramyasuresh Silver IL'ite

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    I completly agree with this. After Marriage u will surely remember n enjoy the talks, gifts u have shared with ur fiancee. Talks include everything because he is going to be ur better half. Dont Feel Shy and Open up.

    All the best dear and wish u a happy married life :thumbsup
     
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  4. kottravai

    kottravai Gold IL'ite

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    Dear WhiteOrchid,
    Hearty Congratulations!!!!!!!! So glad to hear that after your initial hiccups you have found your match. :cheers
    Discussing about sex with your fiance is not a taboo, yaar. If he's not gonna talk romantically to you, his to-be-wife, who else is he gonna talk to? Just because he talks such stuff openly to you doesn't mean that he flirts or is a sex addict. Being engaged would be a new-found feeling for him, too. And maybe this is his way of expressing his happiness with you. It's good that he is open about these things, so you need not worry later :wink:. And getting a romantic guy is a gift yaar. This courtship period is the best time for you to understand each other. Enjoy this time as much as you can.
    On talking intimate things, take it this way - you are two individuals who are so new to each other, and you are going to end up living together for the rest of your life. You guys are going to sleep together, eat together, wake up together and do all the sundry things in life together. So, getting intimate is not an option given to you. It is the norm. Take it this way, if you started discussing all these things now, you would not be embarrassed or feel awkward later. Just trying to give a practical view of intimacy.
    Also, after a certain period of time in courtship, when both are comfortable with each other, if my guy doesn't talk about sex, then I'd be worried, rather than feeling happy. Because, as other members have already mentioned, guys have a physiological approach to life whereas women have a psychological approach. Also, wanting to find out or explore the other's physical structure is a basic mating instinct, whether in humans or animals. Remember the time when we would have been teens - we would have had that natural curiosity of what the opposite sexes' physical structure looks like, right? So, its quite natural for your guy to feel like that. JMHO.
    More than all this, its up to the individual's wavelength. If you are feeling shy initially, just tell him softly that you are still new to the relationship and him, and that you guys would take it up slowly and gradually. Your love need not be 'fast and furious' but can be like wine too, a slower and longer process makes the wine all the more better. :)

    Cheers,
    Kottravai
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2011
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  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Raji, thanks for asking. I'm ok. I've been really busy since starting my new job September 1st.
     
  6. whiteorchid

    whiteorchid Bronze IL'ite

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    thank you every one for taking time to post your replies. as mentioned by some members , may be we indian girls are raised such that we feel all this is taboo. but i feel i have to try to be little comfortable. i will keep in mind all the sugestions given by u all
     
  7. whiteorchid

    whiteorchid Bronze IL'ite

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    hi Kottravai special thanks to u :), u remember my last post , may be that fear of mine is stopping me from being emotional and intimately invloved , even in talks.i am comfortable with these talks before marriage and i hope i dont offend his feelings also . i hope everything goes fine . pray for me .
     
  8. rechtsanwalt

    rechtsanwalt Senior IL'ite

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    Men are made that way. Women's mood swings are usually blamed on harmones, so it is with men. Testorone production is at its peak between 18 and 28. It is what makes men yearn for intimate contact, seek adventure and do man-things. Women produce much less testosterone, but enough to build bones, develop muscles & stay energetic. Estrogen, which is produced predominantly in women until 30s, begins to fall thereafter. The reduction in estrogen production in women makes women sexually more active after 30s because the presence of testosterone is now relatively stronger. This is euphemistically attributed to women's "newly found confidence". Men's sexual drive wanes from the 30s due to a fall in testosterone production.

    If you are overwhelmed by the intensity of the attention you are receiving and are not comfortable with it, just tell him , "perhaps we should defer this until we know one another better". There's a good chance he'll get hurt or even worse, seek fun elsewhere such as internet ****. This is how the battle between the sexes has always been: with women controlling/restricting "supply" while men wonder, "why make an issue out of it" and the men eventually realising in later life "all the fuss for this!!" and the women wondering "what happened to my DH".

    Give up fear and doubt and as long as you are comfortable with his overtures, you'll be fine.

    P.S: You'll find lots of men whose interest in you will be on a platonic level, if that's what you prefer. There are more men on the Indian marriage market than there are women; so you won't be short of choices.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2011
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  9. anushri

    anushri IL Hall of Fame

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    Rechtsanwalt,
    Your reply was :thumbsup Your biological reasoning was :bowdown
    Your post script was :rotfl:rotfl
    On the whole a total super duper reply :thumbsup
     
  10. jennysrik

    jennysrik Gold IL'ite

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    CONGRATS! on your engagement
    CONGRATS! again for being lucky to have a partner like this.

    I agree with Indian guy. Just because he used the word, you can never judge a person..not ought to.

    Do you know this fact? Around the world, Men think about sex every 7 seconds. Can you believe that?

    Basically, many girls are from a modern yet conservative background. So, sex talks are looked or frowned upon. When you hear your partner, he either feel shy or not able to reciprocate. There is nothing wrong in having a sex talk in fact an educative one is better.

    To some, flowers or cards is romance..to some, a hug or a kiss is romance...to some..sweet nothing and sexy talk are romance. There is nothing to be worried about it. I f you find it strange to reply back, read sex related books, open your inhibited mind..probably he will be happier if you share some of your thoughts on the subject.

    Physical Intimacy plays a very important role in a marriage. It paves way to emotional attachment and for a lasting marital bond. Don't be feared..You will be very fine..All the very best!
     

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