can you talk about sex with your fiance?

Dear WhiteOrchid

Before marriage many indian girls are very shy because our upbrining is like that. I was also very naive about all these things and used to think its all dirty, people who talk all these stuff are not good etc. I used to fight with my husband (then bf) if he talk or express anything about sex. All I wanted to talk was career, money, financial planning etc. But after all these years I realise it was sweetest phase of life. All guys have fantacies about sex before marriage. Don't encourage him too much but don't get angry on him.

Please go through these links http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/62907-women-s-complaints-about-men.html and http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/70412-qualities-of-a-good-wife.html

You will get insight of happy marriage life with help of ILites. We women want more and more mental relationship and men want physical relationship. Its very natural. God have made all of us differrent. Sooner you get it happier your marriage will be. All the best for marriage life.

 

well,IMO, your fiance was never been in a relationship and seems pretty exited abt his new found status!! u should be happy!! take it slowly and in a subtle way let him know that u need time to get so intimate.

 

you are right, thats why i have mentioned the reason...i knew my DH and the OP does not know her would be...obviously the conversation should not be a forced one, but point is, its just a normal thing and nothing serious about it..OP is not well known about her would be spouse, the post is about this only, and i think all should give suggestions/solutions to the problem.....not to raise the reason why she posted it..

 

they do talk..i was telling abt something extreme..i hope u better read well before posting..anushri

 

Well Lakshmi I was not aware of it. It is infact a news to me :O I had said "I thought it was the otherway". Again No offence. We share what we know. That was all my knowledge...:bonk

 

He loves you and can't wait to start his life with YOU. Sometimes the guy is still secretly in love with some girl he crushed on in college or a sexy coworker or the cute girl next door from a different caste that his parents made him break up with. So be HAPPY that this guy is madly in love with YOU. If you are feeling shy, just assure him that you are equally as excited as he is to be going forward with this relationship, but you are still learning how to express yourself and handle his enthusiasm. Tell him honestly that you are not used to being in a romantic relationship, and you just need time to find your expressive side, and that although it may take you time to open up, you are worth the wait!

 

thumbsup That would be a nice way of putting it to that man...! He would be certainly pleased to listen to it..!

 

Reply to ProudIndian :

(portions of your post are reproduced in brown followed by my comments)

I was also very naive about all these things and used to think its all dirty, people who talk all these stuff are not good etc. I used to fight with my husband (then bf) if he talk or express anything about sex

That is one of the most important reasons for conflict at an early stage (some time in later stages of married life too ). Women, complain, the male version of romance is always admixed with some element of sex. They often wonder, why can't romance (at least sometimes) be, something 'pure' without any element of sex...........like sitting together, with hand-holding in sofa (NOT FOLLOWED BY SEX)..........and cuddling together in bed (NOT FOLLOWED BY SEX)

For men, the above stuff, 'pure romance', is a learnt skill. After years of experience and learning , a husband / bf can certainly learn to do it (romance without sex)........... but it is NOT a natural thing to men.

We women want more and more mental relationship and men want physical relationship. Its very natural. God have made all of us differrent. Sooner you get it happier your marriage will be

thumbsup:thumbsup Those are wisdom filled words...! The better a woman understands the above, she would be more loved by her man............the better a man understands the above, he would be more loved by his wife.

Great ProudIndian...........You seem to be a well read, experienced individual. You should participate more and more in IL forums. Opinions of persons like you, are the great need of the hour here.

Keep in touch. Bye..!

 

I would be freaked out of my fiance spoke that way. But then again, I've never married, dated, or had a fiance. Right now, I am in the process of meeting someone, and have heard wonderful things about him (he's a close family friend, who our family has known since he was a newborn). When I think of how it will work out (and I hope it works out), I feel awkward thinking about the intimate parts.

 

In USA, we are surrounded by hints and imagery of sex without love. Google movies such as "Change Up". Google "Two and a Half Men".

They have turned sex into such a dirty, sinful thing that girls born and raised in USA are uncomfortable thinking about sex with someone for who a matrimonial correspondence may work out.

Similar thing with Bollywood movies. There is sex without love present, i.e. half-naked women dancing in streets.

So yeah, it may take some getting used to. We have to reprogram ourselves to think of sex as something wonderful that was meant to be shared between two human beings who were introduced, and married by God Himself.