How much you share with your parents/parents-in-laws?

Dear ILT,
A very interesting question. I have been wondering about this since long as well.
We havent shared any details for the fact that medical help is needed itself will scare them badly. As far as they are concerned, things are getting delayed and God is yet to give his blessing and they are praying hard. Dad has no clue but with mom, unfortunately she was more tense the entire cycle than I was and kept asking for updates every now and getting her hopes very high even if one day passed after the cycle day. She was shattered every time the cycle ended. So, the less said the better is what we follow now. We had an open talk with parents that we are trying our best and doing everything that is in our hands and all we need is their prayers and blessings. TTC is a temporary phase most of them go through, some of us take a little longer, there is no necessity for anyone else(other than your spouse) to know about the details.
Also, few parents are supportive in ttc struggle, most of them give in to despair as people keep asking them if any grand kids yet and unknowingly show their anxiety. As they are older and are not really aware of advances in medical field and the fact that most of the couples struggle with ttc these days(that the percentage is much higher than it was during their time), it might only be stressful for them to learn that things are not happening by itself naturally and their children need medical help. It is hard to explain all this to them, so the best thing would be to keep them shielded from all these, let ignorance be bliss for them! As per me, the only time they will hear about it is, is when there is a 'good news'.
Wish you all the best to hold your little one in your hands very soon!

 

Same response.. I did not share my troubles with my parents or in-laws. With my parents, i'll get into a fight if they mention anything about grandkids With my inlaws, i couldnt do that, so we'll just simply say we'll let them know when it happens.
I felt like I couldnt handle the additional pressure or sympathy from anybody, as I was already stressed out over TTC.

 

u need to share things with ur mom but coming to mils i think its better to shut ur mouth my mil she acts as though am a kid and i knw nothing and wat ever i tel she thinks its wrong so i try to avoid telling her but she s always behind me and puts 100 questions in front of me dnt knw wta to do :drowning

 

Same issue with my mil. she will never leave me until i say everything about our treatment. Though she is not with us, it is very difficult to hide anything from her. Everytime when she talks to me, she will only talk about her desire of having grand child. I am having lots of stress because of her emotional talks. I don't know whether she is knowingly or unknowingly doing this. God, pls save me....

 

Santha and Reshma,
As regarding handling mil's questions, best would be to say that there are no problems with both and you're doing it au naturale(no medical help) and just waiting for God's gracious blessings!

 

I did the mistake of sharing my IVF details with my MIL.Although I shared everything,she behaved as if nothing has happened.she used to ask me all silly details like did the injection create pain?I really did not know the reason for this question.she did not do help me out during my treatments.the only reason we share our personal stuff with inlaws is to get physical and emotional support from them.If we do not get it,whats the point in sharing with them?

basically people are scared to take new challenges and help us in the struggle.Now Iam pregnant and I felt I should not have shared the details.So the best option would be to remain tight lipped.

 

Hi ILT,
I feel it a good question to be discussed. Lately I have been wondering about this question much. Its good that you were able to tell your inlaws and felt better after that. Hope you continue to have their support. Exactly for the same reasons you listed,we too have decided not to tell them initially. Hope to see others views too.

I am married for five years. I started my treatments very late. I am in treatments for more than year now. I had four iui's which wasn't a positive. We are said to move to ivf.
We have decided not to tell my MIL as she is very old and we don't need to trouble her in this age with our worries. I just tell only my mom, that I am having my iul today and the results. I haven't let her know about my tube blocks,whether I am on medicine or injection,side effects and mood swings.This is how I have managed till now,staying away and being in treatments here has helped in this. But as I will be going for ivf in few months, I like to let them know what it is actually and what to expect. Since my father is little bit unwell, I can't open up with my mom about this now. Last three months has been tough for me to handle all this alone.Sometimes I try to open my heart or share my feelings with her, its just not happening..But I have made my mind to tell her straight when we go there. Hope I don't change my mind.

I feel, it is good to share when,
- Both parents/PIL are very helpful,supportive and able to understand our difficulties involved in treatment.
- You feel they will keep it to themselves and not let others know.
- Staying together under same roof, so we don't need to hide to others adding tension to ourselves. As well to save money for treatments.
- You are in need of mental and physical support, as the treatments gets tougher.

 

Hi "IloveTulips",

With reference to the above, I would like to tell you..........what you said above is applicable to every single context in every walk of life. What we know and have learnt already is only a handful and what we are yet to learn is equal to the whole sea (there is a Tamil saying meaning that).

Second, as your FIL seems to be a gentleman, who is already having a relationship of understanding and good will on you, he accepted the idea, the moment you proposed it to him. Not only that, he set aside the priority of spending in buildings etc, giving first priority to your plans of IVF.

The same may not happen to all. There are so many 'out-laws' in the name of FILs & MILs, doing and planning every thing and every day, which would bring harm to the DIL, either directly and indirectly. Believe me, I have personally seen such FILs and MILs, whose single object of life would be to bring misery to their DIL. Unfortunately, FILs like yours is a minority...........and the ones I have been describing in this paragraph constitute the majority.

Hence, what applied to your situation, (disclosing so lucidly nd openly to FIL) may not be recommended for every one. Disclosing or otherwise has to be decided based on the individual nature of FILs.

Stay in touch. Bye.