"ANY GOOD NEWS?"- How to answer this.....

this is the most common issue ladies in india face.

ive been married for 6yrs but have never conceived. couple of yrs back one of my aunt asked me ''so when are you planning to have a kid'' for that i replied 'it'll take some time' and she's asking me ''how long, 1 yr or 10 yrs ???''

just imagine.... what can i answer to such a rude&senseless woman.

i felt so bad but then what can we do.god is listening and watching everything, one day he will give justice. till then we have to just wait & trust in god and go thru all the tests which god puts us thru.

i just hope&pray that eone on this forum will soon will soon be holding our LO's.

 

Sasha sorry to be rude. even if you give birth in 1 yr or next 10 yrs give birth 2 two kids and give 1 kid to your aunt only. Tell her that you wanted me to have a kid, so I have given birth now you take care of him as I hardly have enough time and when he/she becomes big then send him/her to me. Till then you take the responsibility. Then lets see what she answers.

Anshu for me who started this post, I would say I am not married but in my life I came across through many such questions from my gfs. I don know y these kinda questions keep coming.

First thing remember
1. Do not give birth to a baby unless you both are mentally/physically well prepared for it.
2. Giving birth to a child is easy unless and until is ceasarrian but taking care of it is a big challenge in life which I have seen it for my niece and nephew. My sis had both ceasarrian.
3. You have to be monetarily well prepared for it and you and your hubby need to adjust for this kinda situation accordingly with each other.
4. Both have to help each other in order to take care of the baby. You need to keep in mind the timings of food, the injections and you need to see him/her while he/she is sleeping. Is he/she having good sleep or not. If any mosquito or anything is there around him.

You need to check his/her nappy pads. In most of these kinda things mom plays a very important role. 75% contribution is from her side. My bro in law explains me all the things in life but I keep telling him that I am much matured then him and he needs to learn from me rather then me learning from him as my sis also thinks that he is dumb and she dominates him but everything is fair in love and war as you say.

 

hahahaha... tht was a good one:rotfli guess i shud do tht.

regarding being 'ready' for kids.i totally agree wid u on this.one has to be prepared and god knows best who is prepared.

 

hello ladies. i've been married for almost 2 years now so the baby/pregnancy question seems to pop up frequently - if not to me, then to my mom. one thing i'm sort of curious about is whether non-relative desi people are more 'concerned' / rude about this question or if it's just all people in general?

i grew up and have worked abroad. but i've never heard or seen white people ask this question. i feel like certain cultures (those whities that i'm referring to!) draw boundaries and keep their personal lives personal. whereas, our cultures are in your face and people are looking to put you down about something or other. obviously, in our cases, it has to do with babies which is a sore spot.

i cant believe there are ppl asking others 'are you pregnant' - bloated or not, what business is it of yours? and don't you think that if i was pregnant, i would shout it anyways from a rooftop or write it in the sky. you'd know about it whether you lived in cave or in the ocean. ugh, some people.

 

I had the same problem initially. I told everyone smiling " I will def let u know if I get pregnant"...That kept them quiet..

 

hai friend
I have been TTC for 1 year with pcos
Yesterday me and my DH just went out for shopping where we met my Dh collegue whose wife is 5 months pregnant.
that stupid women was repeating the words "I am 5 months pregnant and my Dh brought this saree for me and my mom and MIL brought that for me".
And finally she asked "you were married at the same time as of us and R u not yet trying".

so my DH heard that and answered "we are not in a hurry as of now"
really i am frustrated of this question.

they need to be in our shoes to understand us.

 

I felt very hurt today .. My own SIL hide her pregnancy until now they didn't inform me.. I heard it frm my mom..
What wrong we do ? Is not having kids is a sin? I hate to go to India.. In phone always my mom tells me that people started asking is there any medical problem for yr daughter.

People know only to hurt others :-( I feel so sorry for my hubby that he married me..

 

Oh no Cholu...Do not feel bad...Just ignore these people. You should have babies when you want not for others.

 

Seeing the posts from this thread reminded me the below incident.

When I went for vacation, I was playing with my SIL's boy [2.5 years old] in the front yard. The regular milk maid came and seeing her my MIL went inside to get the vessel. She then asked me, 'Are you the DIL of this house' (நீங்கதான் இந்த வீட்டு மருமக பொண்ணா??). I said yes. Then she looked me busily pushing him on his tricycle. Then she asked again, 'How many kids you have?'. I said none and wondered how unusual the question is, but anyway didn't care it. Then my MIL came out and introduced me to her, 'Shaanthi, this is my DIL. She came for vacation.' For which she replied, 'Oh yeah, raaji ma said - the one that doesn't have any child and also said that the lady (my MIL) has grown all her daughter's kids but not lucky enough to see her son's' [ஊரார் குழந்தைய வளத்து என்ன ஆவபோகுது இந்த அம்மாவுக்கு...] She referred SILs' kids as 'ஊரார்' kids.

Then she added 'பாவம் அந்த ஏக்கத்துல தான் இந்த பையனோட விளையாடிட்டு இருக்கா?' - ['is she playing with this boy to soothe her own worries'?]

So that lady knew very well that I have no kids when she asked me 'How many kids you have' - she just enjoyed some kind of sadistic pleasure seeing me saying 'No' from my mouth.

Next quoting me playing with that little kid is just because to seek console for not having kids. I felt that 'Any good news?' is a hard question to take and then when compared to this pity- stupid statement that one is no way nearer. Then I wondered who else are thinking like this. I love kids. Kids love me. In few minutes they get attached to me. I go to their level and play with them, not caring about what other elders think. My SIL's kids never leave me for a minute when I am there.. 'Athai athai athai...' they come behind me. So who else are thinking that me showering love on them is just because I dont have one of my own? Then my MIL went in, the milk maid went away, the kid pestered me to push his tricycle. I feel ashamed to be in that place, how easily they tainted my affection. If I am an ignoring-the-kids kind they would say, 'She is doing this because of jealous' - you can't win any way!

In this TTC journey there was no man who questioned me hurting me - be it my FIL or Father or brother. They worried for me and just say encouraging words. Its just the one woman who takes immense pleasure in hurting another woman.

I just remembered this incident and felt like venting out. Its not that I am giving even an inch of respect on what that milk maid said. Just to tell you all - we can't win. Just have to ignore. Even if we have kids, they will find something to say. My closed relative after 5 years of struggle was blessed with a very beautiful bubbly baby girl - for which she got comments like 'இருந்து இருந்து பொட்ட பிள்ளைய பெத்திருக்கா' [did she waited this long for a girl child?? ] ... See...they will find something... like baby's color... or anything.

I liked the answers given by IL friends here... 'I will tell you if I get pregnant.. dont worry', 'we dont have plans now... ', 'we have to enjoy our married life a bit more.. ' etc...

ilt