Too tired of living with such a bad husband-

anjuanju, sounds so terrible. How long have you been married? If you call the police about his abuse, he can loose his job and visa. Tell him that. I have no clue why you are staying with him? Don't quit the job. Did you parents know about it? Talk to Domestic Violence Support Service in your area. They can guide you. Ohter wise, call Narika which is in Oakland, CA. Google their phone number. They can give you some advice.

Good Luck.

 

Hi anjuanju, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I know its more than a few months since you posted the latest message, but I read your post only today and felt sad for you. I compliment your decision on not giving up the job.It is very important to have a diversion, or me time, or something to help you break the routine depressed pattern. I totally support you on that. Rg. your questions on what would happen to his visa and job, he would pretty much lose them if you complain about him for domestic violence, and if it is proved. If you need more details on this, I would suggest you to google for it. But I would not advice you for it. Reporting him for domestic violence should be the last thing you do after you have tried everything else. People who say you are lazy when you dont h ave a job, and who say you are a bad wife when you have a job are not necessarily the ones who have your best interest in their minds. So do NOT take their words to heart. Try talkign to your husband that him doing the bad things, and beating you up will not be taken patiently. Talk to your parents about this. Give your husband oral warnings that if his bad actions continue, you might be pushed to take some drastic action. If he is not showing any remorse about his actions, then I would strongly suggest moving to India and being separated from him for some months. Stay at your parents place and see how things goes. If there are no changes, then I would suggest divorcing him. I know divorce is considered such a bad word in India, but in your situation that might be the best thing for you. If your situation has improved since feb 2011, your last post, then my best wishes for you.

Be strong. Stay focused.

 

I remember reading your past thread. Looks like your husband still haven't changed. Do you think he will change. I am happy that you have a well paying job now and you can stand on your own feet. Don't ever quit your job. Please don't tolerate any kind of abuse. Next time your in laws talk bad about your family, firmly tell them to stop it. say if at all your family is bad, they are no better in any ways either. They are million times worse than your family.

Report about your husband's abuse to the relevant authorities and see whether there are any positive changes. If he remains the same then try living away from him for some time and see whether he realizes his mistakes. If he is not interested to save the marriage then you do the right thing by divorcing him.

Stay strong.

 

What have we here now:

1. A cheater of an H!

2. an abuser of an H!

3. And a H who has the audacity to tell his legally wedded wife "i am calling them fo massage thats it ..and i wont do it again...."

But does he change. No, he is at it again. Why? Because he is super confident that his DW will not run away anywhere. She will silently put up with all his nonsense as she has done it all this time.

5. On top of that you go to his house for cooking and cleaning on weekends, like an (unpaid) housekeeper? What a convenient arrangement for him!

Oh, and point number 6. the nasty in-laws.

What a package, I must say!

Oh, yes I am being sarcastic! I'm sorry I could not sugar coat my reply because I got so angry reading you post. In plain language, I would say, kick that sorry scumbag of an H out of your life.

I was in a similar situation like you 4 years ago. Tweak this forum and you will get the details of my story, if you wish. The day I kicked that now ex-H out of my life, I was just a student living on a measly stipend in India, without even a proper roof over my head. But I knew that what I did was the correct decision for myself. And no, I did not go running home to Mummy-daddy after my divorce, even though they would have let me stay with them if I had wanted to. Instead, I completed my PhD, in the midst of all the tension and came to the EU soon afterwards for work.

You are in the US, you have a job. Now, what is it that is holding you back and letting you tolerate all the abuse and other nonsense!

There is more to life than just staying married for the sake of showing off to that nameless, faceless entity called society. Live for yourself in dignity. You will never regret it! I never have!

 

hi anjuanju,
Sorry to hear your story. Trust me ,I understand cause I'm in a similar situation.. In fact today was an emotionally draining day for me too and I was desperately hoping and wanting to share my feelings and vent them out..Have been married for 10 years with 2 children... nothing has changed for me.. A husband who thinks of himself and only himself. No respect or regard for anyone else, not even his children.No intention or will to make and live in a stable family.. I feel that trusting him and bringing my two children in this world to see such a meaningless relashionship their parents have, is all my fault.. and to top it all, the stress my parents and others in my family go through seeing me in this relationship. Perhaps i'm scared of leading my life alone, without a partner.. perhaps..all these years of emotional struggle has given me great strength within . But today, I'm tired.. tired of the same fight...

 

Do you live in USA ? If so, can't you approach a local women's protection agency, for at least saving yourself from physical beatings ? Though I have never lived in USA, I learnt that there are so many womens' protection organisations, which can be accessed easily. Am I right ?

Why should the act of physical beating become a routine ??

 

Hi anju..
Firstly congrats for your job..
I'm new to IL n just read ur post.I'm sorry for ur situation.I'm also in same kind of situation.do u have kids?
God is on ur side anju in the most horrible time also he gave u a peace clad job.
Trust him he ll turn ur sad in Happy.what i can say is that u have job n can b independent so try to avoid him.
May b by divorce r being separate.u tried very hard n for a long time too to build up ur relation.but it din't happen.
R u sure that a man wit such kind of bad habits no no such a bad heart n brain can change?
Its our Indian women who ll even end their lives but not trusting n hoping in their hubby.
So think practically anju u were living before marriage too..so don't waste ur life time..
I'm not either experienced for yrs in marriage or aged but what i felt i said if said anything wrong sorry for that.
I wish u all happy n ll pray for u.
Take care we are the property of god n parents not our own