Good In Laws : for a change!

Dipti Sweety,
Probably I have not stayed with my In-Laws for longer and they have not seen my temper, so they are nice to me (Especially MIL). Now I am going to India this week and will be staying at my In-Law's house for a while and things will be more clear then.
Dear, differences are alwyas there, but both me and my In-Laws, never expect a big change in each other's habit and I think that non-interfering attitude is the reason for which we had not faced any problem for last 2 years.
Let's see what will happen tomorrow.............

 

Hi, I have a lovely MIL. She is at times more than a mom to me. Can do anything and everything for me. That doesnt mean that we do not have any arguements... we do have our set of quabbles... but these make our life more interesting when we tend to forget where we differ.

She is always there for me as I am for her.

 

I have wonderful in-laws. They are more close to me than my own parents. Sometimes I can confide more freely with them. They are really the cool ones :queen

When I came to my sasural after wedding. within 3 days of marriage, my MIL told me. Why dont u take out your jeans. Why are you wearing these salwaar-suits. I said my mom told me to do. She said forget about it. I like gals in jeans and tops > they look really smart. So we sould like you to be yoru natural self. Dont worry we are not traditional in-laws. And yeah they are not.
Even during marriage, There was no single expense which was not shared by them equally. No dowry nothing. That too in case, where they have given huge dowry for their own daughter's wedding.

They said, we just wanted a good gal, we were clear. If we got good gal, we wont be greedy to silently accept whatever is given to us.

My MIL is one Gem of a MIL. She would tell all secret things of family and tell me that I am the only one she can tell these things now after her daughter.

 

Hi Friends,

Was just wondering why many in-laws trouble their DILs, while some live amicably and happy with them. Was just thinking why?

My friend's MIL once told me, 'You know how harsh my MIL was to me. I never dared to raise my voice or even tell my parents/husband. I am not half as harsh to her, and she can't stand even that'.

Well this made me think further. This MIL, her MIL, and her MIL etc. were brought up in a somewhat similar manner. No drastic change in the society till 60s and early 70s. They were all conservative, daughters were not educated beyond a point, irrespective of financial status, told not to question elders, speak with careful words and tone with in-laws, respect husband, the guys parents can ill-treat DIL and even her parents- one is supposed to put up.

But in the past 20-30 years, women have been exposed so much to the outside world, are educated, are reasonably assertive, think on their own, parents too don't consider their daughters so much as a liability, don't advise at the time of marriage 'respect and put up with your in-laws and husband, no matter how they behave', instead advise that 'treat your in-laws as respectable elders and behave in a sensible and mature manner'. So suddenly in the past couple of decades there is a world of change.

From the pespective of MIL, it is like, 'I adjusted so much with my in-laws. Now again, I've got to adjust with my DIL. This is unacceptable'. Well, not being able to boss around and shout at DIL itself is an adjustment, I guess.

I did understand that, those who move on and appreciate the differences in the way the world has changed, behave more amicably with their DILs, while those MILs who silently suffered hoping that they too would get their time when their son gets married, turn out to be bad ones - forgetting that they are staying in the past and also forgetting that they are ruining not only a girl's life, but also that of their own son.

Another important difference is, as already pointed out, do you stay full time, for a long period i.e. for ,many many years with your in-laws, or whether they just visit you. That too does make a difference! But then, in-laws who are determined to be bad, will shows their colours even during those visits, I guess.

Regards,
Raji

 

hi ilites,

well many have written that nyone has stayed with their inlaws for long.

well i can say that even though i dont stay with my inlaw i had stayed with my mil for 8 months after 3 years of marriage.
and i can still say that mil is really good. yes there are differences which are bound to happen if u come from a different generation, yes i do get irritated on somethings but then its not much as compared to what i have read on this forum and i thank God that i m lucky.
the only complaint ( well not actually a complaint) i have about my mil and bil's wife is they are workoholic and they will get up in the morning at 6.00 for filling up water and continue to work till 12.00 in the night. since we have a 1 room flat only it becomes difficult. even though they both are sweet and they dont tell me a thing, i feel so bad if i m not doing something but i get tired easily and cant continuously do something.
also if my dh is around, he will tell me y am i not doing anything and just sitting even if i m sitting for a few minutes.
i dont know what to do. even when my mil had come to our house for 1 month and i was working she wud tell me to give her some work and in the start i used to feel bad so she said to me in front of dh that she will leave and go back to india if i dont start giving her some work. as she was new in the house she did not know what to do and what not to do.

 

I have great in-laws! Touchwood! My MIL and FIL treat me like a daughter, my SIL and I are more like friends. Her husband too is a gem! My BIL and his wife haven't been here long (they are abroad) but Im sure they belong to the group of lovliest people on earth. True, there are some irritants here and there. Im sure I too irritate them once in a while, but we sort it all out amicably! :thumbsupI thank my stars I fell in love with the right person! I really am blessed!

 

I have the most amazing in laws ever!! I just love my MIL and SIL. Both my MIL and SIL are like my best friends. We hang out a lot. I have more fun with them than my husband!!
Sometimes he is even jealous of my MIL and he has asked me, did you marry me or my mother?? Big Laugh
I am very fortunate to have them in my life, but very unfortunate that I dont live with them :-(
Last week my husband was admitted in the hospital. Both my SIL and MIL called me up and asked me 'How are you? Take care of yourself, you need the strength to take care of your husband.' Can you imagine?
If ever there was a "best In laws award", it should go to my in laws.
Both my MIL and my SIL are like my counsellors for any problem that I have, I always seek their advice and they make sure that I am always comfortable and happy. They never forget a single birthday or aniversary and they pamper me with all sorts of gifts.
I am really blessed to have such people in my life.

 

I think the problem also arises if the mil has lots of affection or none on her son.
when compared to my friends and other ladies i think i am lucky in one way. my mil would not nag me often trying to know what i do, what i cook, what i buy, actually she never cares for anything what we do here. all she is worried is abt her daughter and her grandson. she has never asked if my son started talking, walking etc, hubby , out of excitement he would tell his parents abt our son's latest development. even when we went to visit them, first trip for my son and they are seeing him for the first time, she never cared to cook diff foods for him but fil loved him so much that i forgot abt mil's behaviour towards my son.

my friend's mil would call often to check on her, if they go out on weekends etc etc, atleast my mil is not that worse. but she also plays her part in creating fights between us, she never lets us buy any land in india, she comes with master plan to stop us from buying and would have great plans to take that money from hubby. now he too started realizing how little affection she has on him, but still he loves her so much which i feel proud of and at the same time sad that they never understand that.
hubby says that my mil's mil was so good to her and he wonders why she behaves like that to me.
he openly told me after 6 yrs of marriage that mil is jealous of me becos i am very good at house keeping, cooking, even fil appreciated abt me to hubby which is what irritates mil. i feel happy now that i atleast got appreciated by fil.
when i got married my fil created such hell that i cried so much and my dad got heart pain too.
i was sick and he said it would cost 50 rs for a doctor checkup and both of them ignored me. i had to recover on my own, no one even to help me buy a basic paracetamol from pharmacy. now he is very good to me after i took care of him so well when they came here, even though he treated me worse.i am glad that fil is good to me and he even apologised with me when mil was not there.

my mil is cold hearted and never had any soft feelings.I look at her positive side and carry on.she would never teach any recipes, she would always talk lies and tell wrong things and never let us invest any where.she would always talk ill things abt me to her relatives, create lots of misunderstandings, never let me talk to her relatives, she would not even give proper food for my son even though the servant is cooking and finally say oh she never knew that my son liked this food, if she knew she would have cooked etc.
the positive side is atleast she never fussed over the way i bring him up, how i feed him, what i do with him. where as my cousin's mil tells what should be fed for the kid, what should be given when he is sick and how to bring up and they have arguments.
Better to think of the best rather than the worst.

 

Re: just a question!!

Mihika
You are absolutely right.. Most of them who wrote that they have good ILs never stayed with them for a long time. I stayed with my IL for 4 months after my wedding when my husband went back abroad and i was waiting for my visa. I thought i got a great MIL.
But now for the last 2 years she has been living with us now, in the same house, and I assure you that it was the most horrible years of my life.
It is not that she is cruel and all. But her possessivness about her son has no doubts. There is not a day in the past 2 years, when my husband took me out peacefully. Either she comes with us, or if at all we are alone, my husband feels guilty that we didn;t bring her along.
Smriti

 

In my case its really different. We are not together because of my husband. He doesnt get along well with my MIL. His affection/love for his mother is distanced. Even though he loves her, he doesnot know how to express love to her. Sometimes he is also rude to her. Doesnot know how to put across the message in a nice way.
Thats why me and my MIL are not together, I am sure if we were together, there wouldnt be even a single day of fight. We both appreciate what we have to say to each other and respect each other and the relationship.

Cheers,
Teju