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Girls wishing to stay apart from In-laws - your thoughts?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by harinisen, Jul 28, 2011.

  1. harinisen

    harinisen Senior IL'ite

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    I think its better to stay away and be in good terms rather than to be in the in same place and get caught in emotional disturbances. However good the DIL might be or however modern the in laws might be it will still be difficult for the in laws to accept whatever is said and done by the DIL. There will always be something or the other where the in laws will keep proving that they are "IN LAWS"!!! Thats what the Indian family politics is all about. Cant blame an individual..
     
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  2. nidhigarg332

    nidhigarg332 Senior IL'ite

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    we should live with our IN LAWS

    i think we should live with our in laws , why to go n live saperate . According to me it should be the girl who should adjust herself in to the new life . I m against this that we should leave our old IN LAWS n live saperate, after all why we forget this that they are the only ones who bought our beloved in to this beautiful world. I am a mother of two sons( 6yrs and 11 mths ) i can't even think of living without my sons..... then how can i saperate mi husband with his loving mother ( who is really a wonderful lady ) Though a little bit of adjustment from both sides is necessary, but a little more efforts from we ladies can do wonders..
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2011
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  3. CharanyaRam

    CharanyaRam Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: we should live with our IN LAWS

    Hi Nidhigarg332

    You are 100% correct. I tell my DH that I love his parents only for bringing him to this world, he is a treasure to me. Actually i started seeing my MIL as my mom right from my mar, though there are some tough times in your mar which wil make you to blame them and viceversa. I dont really take whatever they say to my heart. I just have the feeliing that they truly consider me as their daughter and will nevr do any harm or hurt me unnecessarily. Similarly with my BIL, he is such an nice person and I truly consider him as my brother. I really dont care whether they understand my love/affection to them. Im happy in seeing them winning over me though it hurts me sometime, i dont take to my heart. As you rightly said, we ladies have to do little adjustments to see our family happy.

    woman can make or break any relationship. I just want to keep up and follow my MIL in this regard.

    CR
     
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  4. arty2010

    arty2010 Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: we should live with our IN LAWS

    Before marriage, bfore i knew my inlaws i was very sure its my duty to take care of my MIL.My husband didnt agree with me saying that it is not necessary since MIL is well off and healthy. I was a little surprised why a son would say like that. I still dont know why he said that. Maybe he knew I am not a perfect fit for the family (he thinks am too mild mannered) I was annoyed at his comments and thoughts but realised why he tried to keep me away from his family(all very streetsmart).But at the same time, he still keeps complaingin iam not able to keep excellent relations with them :( i agree i can be idealistic and arrogant :)) which is the oppsite of streetsmart :(
    Never has my dh sent me alone to my IL to get closer to them :) i think he is scared for me :))
    Things are better now. I have changed a lot but without compromising my ideals and priniples but at the same time i dont think neither me nor my mil will want to spend lots of time with eac other let alone live together. we just dont have anything in common to talk about :)
    But if needed i know i have it in me to take care of her when she is really old and sick. She can depend on me but i dont want to depend on her :)
     
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  5. Keerti16

    Keerti16 Silver IL'ite

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    Why should parents who have sons alone get to stay with their children when daughters anyway are expected to move out? The entire system is so imbalanced that its no wonder the society prefers sons to daughters, after all sons will stay with you and daughters will have to leave right?

    So solution is stay in separate houses but in the same apartment complex or at least same street. In fact both girl's parents and boy's parents should live be near by( so that helping them and taking care of them is easy) but they should not all live within the same four walls.This way everyone gets their independence but are together when they choose to be also.

    Just my 2 cents....no offense meant to anyone with other thoughts.
     
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  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    But it was ok for your husband to seperate you from your parents, right? If you so strongly believe that a mother shouldn't be seperated from her child at any cost, then why did you get married and live seperately from your mom? Just a question, if you had 1 son and 1 daughter, would you feel unable to seperate from your daughter? Or are your feelings of love only for a male child? I guess I don't understand how parents have no problem letting their daughter go, but it's just IMPOSSIBLE for parents to let their son go live his own life.

    You say that you can't imagine living apart from your two sons. So maybe you are worried that a future dil may want to live seperate from you. But have you ever stopped to think that it may be one of your son's himself who wants to live seperate from you? Obviously right now your son's would want to live and think only of you, because that's how kids are when they are little. But someday when they are 25+ and if one or both want to live seperate, what would you do?
     
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  7. Umlaut

    Umlaut Silver IL'ite

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    As evidenced here, this this skewed and imbalanced system exists since women themselves sanction it.
     
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  8. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    It all depends whether your DH has a brother or not. If yes, then you can stay away, if not you cannot. It's as simple as this. This is how Indian culture works.
     
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  9. babycorn

    babycorn Silver IL'ite

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    I have lived with inlaws for 5 yrs and all I can say is Never do that mistake again.It is not worth doing it.
     
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  10. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: we should live with our IN LAWS

    Sorry, but I have bad news for you. The way things are going with more and more girls wanting equality with men and more people preferring to have a girl child, chances are in 20-25 years time, things would reverse and boys would live with their in-laws instead of girls living with their in-laws. :)(just kidding, but be prepared for anything). You are lucky that you have a wonderful MIL.
     
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