Bad relationship with my brothers and sis-in laws

dear dear Roshini,

I know exactly what you are feeling and going through. I know its difficult to accept dat your brothers priorities have changed. Your brothers have their own lives now and looks like u r not so important as in the past. My advice would be to let go. Just ignore dem and concentrate on ur family and ur dad. U take care of him.
A time will come for confrontation. Just wait for dat time but till den do your duties as a wife, dil and dauter.

Be strong and ignore some things from which u will NOT benefit anything other dan stress.

Take care,
JJ

 

Dear Roshnikandoi,

Read your post and your previous thread too. In both the threads you have commonly mentioned that your brothers are treating you as an outsider & your dad is neglected now that both of them are married and this caused you a great emotional stress. But you haven't mentioned in bit detail as to exactly what they are doing and how they behaved with you to make you feel that way. Can you give little more insight on this?? If you can mention few incidents as to how they treated and for what they quarreled and insulted you then it can help us to understand you more and provide you more clear advice accordingly. How is your SILs relation with each other - are they selfish and quarrelsome with each other too (if that is the case then you should not take it much personally) or is it something like both of them unite and brothers also supporting them and all of them becoming one and treating you as outcaste which is more bothering you and that is why you are so emotionally upset? Also I would like to ask you too to figure out that is it they who are not treating you well or is it you who is expecting too much and when those expectations are not met you become upset.

However in short you are feeling a kind of betrayed as you have done lot for them but not getting reciprocal as expected. But tell me Roshni, why are you giving too much of importance to them. If you let ppl know they are important to you they will not have value of yours. See you have a loving husband, beautiful kids, good inlaws, why not concentrate on them. Plan some trip with your husband, meet your inlaws and make your bond stronger with them, enjoy your kids seeing them growing up, get your kids involved in activities, you too get involved in good job and activities and hobbies, exercise, read, decorate your house, your own house with your husband, decorate your photo album which include all the photo and memories with your husband and kids, make new friends, and take care of your father and do whatever to keep yourself so busy that you dont even have time to think about them and worry or resent about them. Tell me Roshni, how about it thinking that you never had a brother. So what they became ungrateful for what ever you did, just think that some needy ppl came in your life and you offered your help to them. Like if any poor come to help and you help him with money but do you expect anything in return, no, right? Same way don't expect anything from brothers and esp. if they are mean to you then cut them out off your life temporarily or sideline them in your life just like any distant relative and keep your dad with you by asking your husband. I know that will be difficult to do as you might be loving them but is there any meaning of giving them too much importance in your life. If they are actually mean to you then they don't deserve your love. Now one more thing that may bother you is even you put them to sideline and ignore them but still they might not be concerned about it so it will bother you more. Sometimes the biggest reason to ignore a person whom we love is to make them realize the value of our love and presence but if they are not bothered and dont care whether we exist in their life or not then it it hurt us more, I know, but you know what life is too short for giving undue importance to someone by keep resenting them. If they don't care its undoubtedly their loss. We can just hope they sooner or later understand your value and even if they don't forget about them, sideline them and concentrate on your own life and your own family. It is going to be difficult but concentrate on other beautiful things of your life.

Hope I helped you. Still I am curious to know what they did and whether they are teaming only against you or are least concerned with each other as well. I mean if they are maintaining good relation with each other but not treating you well then I can exactly understand how bad you feel, but again, tell me Roshni are you all alone? You have your family, friends your life and many things which you may not see because of your mental stress, right? Anyways if you mention more then I can tell what it is all about and is it worth talking to your brothers and explaining and letting them know how you feel and trying to improve conditions or just leave them alone put them to sideline as they have become too mean to understand any of your feelings. Anyways, in later case my basic and common advice is just that, try to forget them, sideline them and do whatever I wrote in above lines.

:thumbsup Chillout! :cheers