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Iyer wedding doubts

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Anithuuu, Jun 24, 2011.

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  1. Jun 24, 2011 #1
    Anithuuu

    Anithuuu New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    I am iyengar getting married to iyer guy.
    and this is love &arrange marriage.
    Recently my in laws came to our house for giving invitation and asked to keep parupu thengai and thirati pal for many occasion say
    1)nichyathartham(previous day of our marriage)2)mapillai alaipu 3)viratham 4)marriage 5)grahapravesam 6)shanthi muhurtham.
    And a pair cost 2000 rupees so 6 times means 12000 ,i dont knwo why u want to keep 6 times this,is this the custom in iyer???
    for marriage u keep these all 6 times...who will eat this and waste of money.
    If we keep one and repeat for all function if needed compulsary.
    wont it be enuf???
    Please do reply.
    Also we planned for mixture and laddu as bakshanam and ordered .and now they are askinf for 5 suthu muruku and athurasam...
    Is this bakshanam given by iyer????

    Sorry i am unaware of iyer customs thats why asking,plz dont mistake.
     
    Anithuuu, Jun 24, 2011
    Anithuuu, Jun 24, 2011
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  2. Jun 24, 2011 #2
    Ranchu

    Ranchu Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Anithuuu,

    Congratulations on your wedding !

    Well i dont know how iyengar wedding happens, but iyer wedding has lots of customs (I'd call them stupid customs.)

    1) Yes for my wedding we kept 5 different types of paruppu thengai.
    theratipaal was given only one time upto my knowledge.. but i dont remember exactly. May be am not aware of it and they kept it 5 times , not sure.

    It is stupid , but cant avoid.. its a custom. They break these paruppu thengai and distribute to all close relations.
    and there is another stupid custom , that the head of the paruppu thengai should be given to Groom's sister or Groom's dad's sisters.. (not sure if this custom is widespread in all families).

    2) Bakshanam.. yes we dont give Mixture in bakshanams.. I have not heard of this sorry..
    Usual bakshanams are 5 suthu muruku and adhirsam or laddu.
    it ranges as 51 in number or 101 in number ..
    What we did was , we ordered minimal quantity of 5 suthu muruku for close relatives (51) and got more quantity for 2 suthu murukku for everyone else (101) . This was mutually agreed in our family .

    you see these bakshanams are given to relatives as a return gift and its more to do with the "pride factor" .
    if you dont give these bakshanams , the whole wedding is considered to be cheap. So just to avoid such bad talks for the groom's family we have to take an extra effort to give these bakshanams to Groom's family.

    I've seen in few weddings where the groom has more than 30+ close relations , the groom's family orders some bakshanam separately and take the expense for that.

    You can argue saying why so much expense is loaded on the bride's family , but all these arguments go in vain.. unless the bride and groom pitch in 50:50 on the wedding expenses ,these silly customs cannot be eradicated
     
    Ranchu, Jun 24, 2011
    Ranchu, Jun 24, 2011
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  3. Jun 24, 2011 #3
    lathaviswa

    lathaviswa IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Anithuu congrats.

    Yeah your type is different from ours.

    we welcome sambandhi & mapillai with thirati pal when coming to mandapam.(only once)


    We have to keep 5 different types of paruppu thengai during wedding.For each & every functions.
    1 for nichayathartham,1 for oonjal,1 for muhurtham etc.

    If you have own sister"(your own sisternot to boy's sis&athai) who is elder we give one paruppu thenngai to your's sis husband &if you have athai another paruppu thengai will be given(these are extra's)


    We keep bakshanams too.
    5 suthu murukku,laddu,athirasam,mysore paggu,muthusarai(mullu murukku)
    these are the traditional bakshanam.now a days they add like there wish.
     
    lathaviswa, Jun 24, 2011
    lathaviswa, Jun 24, 2011
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  4. Jun 24, 2011 #4
    lathaviswa

    lathaviswa IL Hall of Fame

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    these list is for paruppu thengai not for therati pal
     
    lathaviswa, Jun 24, 2011
    lathaviswa, Jun 24, 2011
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  5. Jun 24, 2011 #5
    lathaviswa

    lathaviswa IL Hall of Fame

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    Its our custom don't say this it hurts
     
    lathaviswa, Jun 24, 2011
    lathaviswa, Jun 24, 2011
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  6. Jun 24, 2011 #6
    Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Congratulations!!!!!

    I married an Iyer guy 38 years back. We do have different customs. Iyers have 101, 201 etc for seer ( Murukku and Laddu). Iynegars have mostly big size appam, murukku etc. Triunelveli Iyengars have different customs than Madras Iyengars.

    Important of the marriage is to be happy and celebrate it well. So what, if you buy 5 sets of Parru Thangai? Don't think only Iyers have customs like that? We Iyengars do have customs. Let the elders talk to them and decide. I chose the guy and let other things done by elders. That ended in a great relationship between both families. If you just listen them, do what they want, you are going to benefit it a lot. It is my personal experience. I have a great relationship with my husband's family even after my in laws passed away

    Give and take is good policy. Enjoy the wedding. Don't bring up the customs and don't go against your future husband's family customs now. If you don't like it, you may change a little bit after you happily married and settle down.

    Remember one thing- ADJUSTMENT!!!!! that will bring you all the love and blessings form your future family.

    All the best.
    CL:cheers:cheers:cheers:cheers
     
    Coffeelover, Jun 24, 2011
    Coffeelover, Jun 24, 2011
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  7. Jun 26, 2011 #7
    Divine84

    Divine84 Junior IL'ite

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    Congrats on d wedding!!
    Just a question, are you planning everything individually? Or is this a contract with a caterer.... If its a contract with a caterer, all this will come in the contract..... I mean the parippu thengai and pal theratipal etc....

    And trust me, it wont go to waste.... In my husbands side, everything got distributed in no time (they r a big family).........in my side only things were still there, but they stay for a long time so my mom was able to give away later to neighbours and maids etc........

    For the bhakshanam, others have already explained nicely..... but yea, laddu nd murruku is the common items, never heard mixture before..... adhirasam some do use.

    All the best for ur big day....enjoy it!!!!
     
    Divine84, Jun 26, 2011
    Divine84, Jun 26, 2011
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  8. Jun 27, 2011 #8
    Anithuuu

    Anithuuu New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,
    Sorry I didnt mean to hurt any customs,:notthatway:i am just asking these things are why?Instead of keeping this these many times repeatedly ,we can get only few set and reuse in that function.
    Next thing we are adjusting and doing grand marriage only,e.g guys family asked us to keep marriage in chennai only and not in my hometown madurai.we accepted for that which give us extra expenditure only.(hope by this itself u cna understand how well we adjusting bcoz no girls family will accept to keep marriage in guys place)
    And also my family are doing all the things and will do,no doubt in that .My dad nd mom will do anything for me which i like.This is love marriaeg too .but i have question of these things why to spend for bakshanam this much.
    rather if we put in fixed deposit in girls or boys name it will be useful fo us na.
    I mean to say in that way.
    Moreover everything become fast and changed according to our comfort level only.In that case grooms family can also take somepart and share the things keeping todays expenditure /cost in mind.
    this is what my concern and not the customs.
    We are giving 300 bakshanam packs which has muruku adhirasam to grroms family and apart from that 51 seer bakshanam also.
    Everything in family side are doing,i have certain doubts on these so asked my indus ladies:)
     
    Anithuuu, Jun 27, 2011
    Anithuuu, Jun 27, 2011
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  9. Jun 28, 2011 #9
    raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    I also feel that thiratti pal is a custom for the engagement..but the cones demanded are too much! I feel that your in-laws are greedy. Should you really go ahead with this marriage?
     
    raji2678, Jun 28, 2011
    raji2678, Jun 28, 2011
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  10. Jun 29, 2011 #10
    Anithuuu

    Anithuuu New IL'ite

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    Hi Raji,
    As per customs in my family they will do but apart from that they can also involve in some and can do.After me we have 2 younger sisters who are studying.
    So my mom dad shud take care them also.Thats why i am expecting them also to take responsibility.
    They want to do everything for their son's marriage as he is only son but without any expenditure.Even my fiancee feels bad sometimes.
    And i love my fiancee lot,its 3.5 years of relationship which comes to maariage.
    Because of these i dnt want to leave my lovable guy :wink:
    But what ever may just 1 week,next week end will be my marriage.
    Hope so everything will be alright and marriage will take palce without any issues.


    Regards,
    Anitha
     
    Anithuuu, Jun 29, 2011
    Anithuuu, Jun 29, 2011
    #10
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