Brother and his wife.....devils!!!!

one thing is....yes when she wants to use you....at that time stay away..dont be available..dont be ready to be used by her or hurt by her..

If she asks for help...do you want to help her because you are a good person?? if so...then help her...be nice to her..because thats what your parents taught you....and thats what is your nature...coming to her behaviour or nature....youd o not have control over her/her personality or behaviour isnt it???

Saying is going to be pretty easy..but doing it is gonna be difficult...but who said keeping healthy realtionships is easy???...its easy to ignore rather than be involved and not get hurt...stay away and ignore..doesnt matter if its your own brother/parents..the moment you/yoursister/your parents STOP talking to your brother aobut his wife...or about how bad you guys are feeling or stop evening paying attention to his whining crap...eventually he would understand its not just one way street when it comes to keeping relations....he has to work as well towards it.

You guys have accepted it in your mind that sheis what she is...but you guys are unable to digest it by heart..so just pay no attention...dont be available..give some reasons when she asks for help ifyou dont want to do it.....if you want to do it..do it because you are nice people..not because she would also return the good back.

Also start respecting yourself. As you said past is past..andif she cant move forward forgetting the past..you cant keep pushing her to do so..and loose your respect over this right??/ so just stand up for yourself respect and say NO when she comes forward to just useyou. say NO 10 times and 11th time she will get it and start being nice or she would also keep you guys at distance....and will learn its all about give n take. dont bend because its just your brother....he too has to take steps forward..because you guys arehis sisters right?? lead by example!!! you do that first.

 

I just dont like and always stop myself from responding to anyone else other than the OP. Sorry to say sometimes I have to write after reading some posts. As rms1, the PP, said lets not make Indusladies as "IndusDILs only"..............MODS......please ensure this.....thanks!
There may be some women out there who might even fear to express freely if it is an issue concerning DIL of the house seeing how they are always seen with suspicion.

Logic or no logic, but thats how lot of Indian parents feel even today. Not only OP but anyone with Indian roots can understand this feeling of parents.
Wish our life worked on logic all the time...........:biggrin2:

OP has already said many times they tried to be nice with SIL from the begin. So, why is this assumption? Is it because OP has issues with the DIL of the family and so lot of doubts and questions for her?

May be you are imagining here............Please RETHINK!!!
There are so many sons who can just do what you thought they cannot and will not.......ie., leave parents in a bad state.

WOW!!! Really?? After all that OP has said all through nearly 10 pages.................

 

I do not want to sound too philosophical...but we are all going to be here for loooooooooong time....so just never loose hope....keep your distance and respect!!! and watch!!! who knows down the line...when your SIls married life starts aging.......she might also learn a thing or two...over time everyone grows up...with experiences or by watching others....


dont spoil your mood over this!!!

 

amnice,

forget about your brother and SIL. Do what you can for your parents. There are really no limits to the callousness of indifferent people. Just don't delve on this topic too much and spoil your happiness. I will also give a philosophical bent to this like the previous poster, but I will say our life is too short and precious to waste our valuable time on people who cannot understand us or whom we cannot understand.

 

Fortunately or unfortunately I don't have an SIL. I have an uncle who was taken care by my father. My grandfather died when my uncle was 10 yrs old. My father took care of everything from his education to getting him a job and his wedding. Later differences arose and the relationship went bad. A few years ago, my father had an angioplasty and had to stay for a couple of weeks in a city where uncle lives. My sister lives in the same city(My uncle lived very close to the hospital and sister was quite far). Everyone expected that my uncle would ask him to stay with them but he didn't. My parents lived with my sister and her ILs. Quite interestingly, everyone felt bad about my parents not staying with uncle except my sister and her family. I didn't do my bit, so I don't think I have any right to pass judgement on anyone else.
If I had an SIL and if I was young and immature, may be I would have felt the same way as the OP does. But then too, the solution would be the same i.e. take up the responsibility and stop complaining.

I have seen all kind of people, KMA. Even if you take out the equation of son and daughter, there is much hurt and passing the blame game going on between siblings in India. Everybody wants their parents to be cared for, but by the other sibling. I see so many cases, where parents are moved from one home to another, because the sons point fingers at one another but nobody wants to do their bit and DDs are most often not satisfied by how their SIL treats their parents.

Then there are other kind. One of my uncles had cancer. Two of the kids- a dd and DS lived overseas. One DD was in India in a different city. She used to take care of the father. When it was getting too much for her, the travelling etc. was not viable. She took her father to her home. She lived with her ILs unlike the OP. No dramas, no name calling, no hurt, no emotional blackmailing.

So, basically, you can only choose what you want to do and how you want to be. You cannot choose what you want others to do and how you want others to be.