Brother and his wife.....devils!!!!

amnice · Jun 23, 2011

what kind of medical problem......??? you think.
Please tell me.

Anyways, the distance between us and them is done and even if I try to help it will be very clearly misunderstood and misinterpreted.
Thats the tragedy here.

I still remember each and every word I spoke that day to my brother right there infront of my SIL.
All that was to make him see that he also needs to share the burden of work now and it is more important now since the baby has come and she alone cannot handle all the work and hence he needs to pitch in too.
I also went on to explain him that due to hormonal changes she may feel tired,down and he cannot expect everything done as earlier now...................
I also said he needs to pay more attention to her feelings and cannot take things for granted etc....

my talk was entirely on those lines and since he was all the way silent, I lost my cool inbetween and said you cannot sit there quietly and expect things will be done, you need to change now.

monita · Jun 23, 2011

As I earlier mentioned, it could be psychological or hormonal problems, all if which is fortunately treatable. you are right, you cannot suggest treatment to them, it will be misunderstood. I don't know how it could be communicated to them.

shruthi10 · Jun 23, 2011

From the way your bro's wife is described, I think she has v low self esteem and is super sensitive. For the tea incident, I really dun get it..normal person wld not mind and feel left out if u are the only person drinking tea. After all, they have all had the tea already....

Her reactions are not normal and seem over the top to me...her mum's description of how they need to be careful around her, perhaps is telling of her super sensitive nature.

billybob · Jun 23, 2011

If they are living with your parents, have them live as a nuclear family so that everyone has space and you can visit your parents as often as you wish. if you can pitch in and take care of parents, you will have peace of mind. you need to come out of these negative thoughts and stop feeding to your parents. If you can be there for your parents, fill them with positive aspects of life. If you cannot tolerate your SIL stay way and keep your parents away from her. It seems like you are spoiling your family life over your SIL.

amnice · Jun 23, 2011

monita said: ↑

. I don't know how it could be communicated to them.
Click to expand...

Even I dont know and dont dare now to communicate any such thing to them.
May be time will teach them and heal everything.

shruthi10 said: ↑

From the way your bro's wife is described, I think she has v low self esteem and is super sensitive.
Click to expand...

Yeah, she is super sensitive when it comes to her but extremely careless when it comes to how others will feel.
These days my nephew has also come into the picture. They make it a point to observe keenly how we are with him. If sometimes out of being silly or naughty with him we tease him for sometime and then again cajole him and make him happy, after all we are his aunts, that also she will not like and keeps interfering or taking away her son from us. It seems really awkward at that time. Really, no fun when she is there around.
Honestly, my parents, me and my sister have become too formal with their son these days.

My nephew, aged 9, does not like sweet and my dad loves sweets. So, one time when we were there my dad got some sweets and samosas. Seeing the grandson eat only samosas and not touch sweets my dad just to pull his leg and make fun said "hey! you being a kid dont eat sweet, see how I eat these rasogollas and put a whole big one in his mouth, when I was your age I would eat 10 of these at one time etc etc.......".

Grandson looked at grandpa as though he was eating something not edible.

My dad saw this and immediately pulled him affectionately towards himself and stuffed one whole rasogolla in his mouth and said laughingly "eat this! and let me see what happens, you were giving those nasty looks when I was eating, how dare you! now serves you right! I have stuffed it in your mouth", he said this and was laughing loudly.

My nephew rushed to the sink and threw up.My dad rushed to him and said "arrey! sorry dear, I did not think this will happen, i was just trying to make fun, sorry", and gave him water and helped him sit and relax.

Thats it!!, My SIL started yelling as though my dad had just killed someone.
We all saw her mood and said "dad, that was too much! you should not have done that!
As it is dad was feeling bad and even apologised but she holds on to it even to this day saying you guys rub your likes/dislikes/interests onto others and dont care for others feelings at all. So self centered people you all are!!!!
Is there a rule that you like something then even I should like that?
To this day I dont understand what made her come to this conclusion when all that my dad was doing was trying to have some fun with his grandson.

billybob said: ↑

If they are living with your parents, .
Click to expand...

No, fortunately, they dont live with my parents under one roof.

asuitablegirl · Jun 23, 2011

Amnice, the story with your dad and the rasogollas is tooooooo funny. Yeah, it is sad the boy threw up the sweets, but come on, grandparents sometimes do this tough love stuff. It is part of growing up and not being so wimpy, and afterall, he was just trying to have fun. I agree your sil should have just taken it easy. It is not like your dad stuffed anthrax into his mouth! It was just rasogolla!

When I was very young, my mom's dad had fake teeth and when we got close to him, sometimes he would open his mouth and pop out his teeth and then chase us with the fake teeth. It was terrifying, but funny at the same time. As for my dad's mom, she left me unsupervised on an electric excersie bike (the type you ride inside the house and it stays in one place). My brother stuck his finger in the wheel and it cut off the tip of his finger. That is just an example of the crazy/dumb/funny/memorable things my grandparents have done. I think some people just get over sensitive sometime. I feel grandparents have already done serious child raising in earlier years, so if they want to have a little fun and tease their grandchildren, there's no harm in that, so long as it doesn't become something dangerous or negligent. I feel bad for your dad for getting in trouble with your sil. I guess next time everyone should be extra careful around her knowing she is very sensitive. Some people are just very uptight, just as others are more easy going and fun. Oh well.

meena2 · Jun 23, 2011

OP: I can understand your situation very well since I too have a SIL ,brothers wife, very similar to yours.
I have observed one thing and I can say this for sure. These so called "sensitive people" are really not sensitive but truly selfish kind.
If someone is sensitive then they should be able to better understand other persons feelings and their sentiments. But these people who call themselves sensitive wish the world to revolve around them while they can trash anyone, anywhere and then put the blame on someone or something else.

Such people are too selfish and do not deserve you..............thats what I have come to now.

I have 3 brothers. Accdg to me, My elder SIL is next to my mom. I feel happy and welcomed to visit them. The next SIL is also good and caring. But I am not that free as I am with my elder SIL and there is a reason too. Because by the time my 2nd SIL married my brother, I got married and moved out of the house so the closeness is less with her.
I am happy that she is good with me though more formal than my elder SIL.
Atleast in these 2 brothers houses I can visit them and still retain my sanity.

Now, comes the 3rd SIL, the real trouble maker in the family. And my henpecked brother dances to her tunes. She calls herself very sensitive person but we dont find that when it comes to behaving with us. To add to that, my brother tells us how to behave with her as she is "super sensitive" and that we need to be careful while talking to her blah blah blah............
Hardly have my parents stayed with them. The couple of times they went, they had to hear something or the other every day. She just will not allow them to be at peace. If I go, there will be a bunch of complaints and too childish behaviour. Infact, I stopped going over to their house. My parents are happy to be with their 1st and 2nd sons only.

My elder SIL who is my elder brothers wife, warned my 3rd brother , not to dictate terms to the rest of the family. Finally, sadly, my 3rd brother and wife are the ones at loss since the whole family has minimal contact with them and just formal with them. Sometimes my brother cribs that his children are missing all the fun while other cousins get together often. I feel sad but then think in my mind, "yeah, thats all your making, why crib now, you and your wife need to reform your behaviour atleast for the sake of the kids".

bramvi · Jun 24, 2011

hi amnice,
your SIL may or may not be 'sensitive' . But the issue is I think she still ( & has never ) has NOT felt enough love or whatever from her husband . And she is showing it or taking it out on his family. If she is going to treat him the same then it is over for her. So she gets some kind of satisfaction by picking on you people. Since your parents and her do not stay under the same roof ( is that right ?!) you should let her alone and move on. Just take care of your parents and thats it. Whether your brother or his wife mistreats them or not , its up to them. Hopefully he and she will turn a new leaf in their lives and start to behave well towards their inlaws.

kma · Jun 24, 2011

@meena2,

I read you reply about your 3rd SIL. Maybe unknowingly you people also undermine her and that's the reason your brother is supporting her. Its very difficult for a younger DIL to make her place in the family independently. Being one, I know. Lots of taunts abt my maturity levels and capability . I kept quiet for a long time for my husband's sake . Even today I maintain with them, but I give back replies in the same tone as them and I guess that's another case of immaturity for them, though they behave the same. And know what, once I started giving back, they dont like to talk to me anymore! And I dont care too!

Your case might be different but there could be some valid concerns too their side..

Happysoul1234 · Jun 24, 2011

I truly sympathise with you. Your description of SIl fits that of a pyschopath. My bro was married to one such woman. Made life hell for everyone around. And it seemed like my bro was a dumb, mute spectator.

Thankfully my bro got divorced before they had kids and is remarried to a wonderful, wonderful girl now.

Such people never change. Leave her be. If your brother sees sense, all well and good, else leave him be. It's his karma too.