Have to make a decision - need help

hopeforthebest · Jun 17, 2011

Hi,

I have to make a important decision in my life, need your help guys.

My husband could not father a child. He has zero sperm count. The word " we are devastated" is not enough to describe my pain. We did many tests and its not possible.
We didn't tell anyone. We don't want to tell. I don't know what to do, really very confused.
He is feeling very guilty and wanted me to marry someone else. But I'm not going to do that.
The other option I have is donar sperm. We have been talking about this for quite sometime. He is totally supporting me on this but I couldn't convince myself to use donar sperm. But the choices I have is all bad and I have to chose one. I can't imagine my life without kids.

Could you all tell me what is your opinion in my case? The main concern I have is, if I use donar sperm then the child will look different and if the kid comes to know about this I don't know the consequences.

I really need some help here. I couldn't discuss with anyone and its very difficult.

Looking forward to your replies.

cj1980 · Jun 17, 2011

Hi Hopeforthebest,

I want to tell you that i understand your pain. I heard pretty much the same news from a doc 4 months back (i have a low AMH and hubby has motility probs) when we were told we have remote chances of conceiving. We were told IVF/ICSI are our only options...well, i am a firm believer in God and i know He has plans to bless me and prosper me, plans to give me a hope and a future. So, am waiting on Him to bless us with a natural conception.

As far as your fears are concerned, they are very natural and valid. I just wanted to ask if you have considered adoption? I am not trying to confuse you any further by giving you an option you don't want/or haven't considered...it's just that i believe adoption is wonderful opportunity to invest in the life of a child and provide a future for an abandoned baby. At the end of the day, all of us want to be mommies...maybe God is calling you to either of these options...take time to pray about it and ask God to show you what His will is for you.

Do stay strong. You guys can allow this situation to break your marriage or to bond you stronger to each other...the choice is yours. I have chosen the latter

Take care and keep us posted on your decision.

Cheers,
Carol

babyhopes · Jun 17, 2011

Pls dont lose hopes.
Did you consult urologist? I have heard there are injections to stimuate sperm production.Pls consult with you doctor.IVF/ICSI can help you at the least!!
Also find out why and whats the reason and then go from there.Be supportive.
Tc.

mickeymini · Jun 17, 2011

Hi Hopeforthebest

Iam very sorry to hear this. You can again consult with some other doctors regarding this. It is really a very difficult situation. Like one of the IL pointed why dont you try for an adoption rather than donor sperm because like you said it may even be guilty for your husband whenever he sees the child. This is just my opinion. All the Best. Dont worry everything will be ok very soon.

sarayu18 · Jun 17, 2011

I would sincerely suggest going for a donor sperm. Atleast the baby is one of the parents. You definetely will have the bonding as its your child. Your husband will start to gradually develop the bonding when he accompanies with you to hospital while you are pregnant and while the child is growing.
Sometimes he might get frustarted thinking that its not his child but thats fine, give him his own space. Don't worry about the features, there are lots of kids who don't resemble both the parents. Atleast the child will resemble you. Just see to that the sperm donors complexion is not extreme from both of you.

In the mean time you can also work on improving his sperm count. If god blesses you can have a second child from your husband.

injustice · Jun 17, 2011

Yes please hope for best

as you name says...
follow some homeremidies dont go down.dear.

Give soem break now, if you think now i am sure you mind goes crazy give some time, then think about it. take a break to india consult india docs too. i heard so many indians gettign problem with pregancy. so, if you can go india and give a try with that weather.

i have many friends who conceived in india . the same case with my friends and extra thing is she lost her left ovary too. but she conceived in india. Its a big miracle you know. preganancy miracle happens so dont go down dear stop thinking now.

take docs advise once wht they tell? then think i am sure there is way to get put this problem.

injustice · Jun 17, 2011

one impthing, how long you got married?

hopeforthebest · Jun 19, 2011

Hi,

Thanks all for the advice, it means a lot to me.

Carol,
Yes the main important thing is I want to give birth to a child. I don't want to miss that. I know the only option we have is donar sperm or adoption. I thought I will adopt second child for sure, there is no going back on this. But trying to convincing me to go for that donar sperm is the difficult part. Thanks for the option.

Sarayu,
Whatever you told is the exact words my hustand told me. He wants the kid atleast to be one of the parents.

Vasumathy · Jun 21, 2011

Hi Hope for the best,
Welcome to Indus Ladies & to this forum.
You can find our forum guidelines here...

Sorry about the struggles.... I hope you have met urologist before concluding to donor sperm option. Appropriate medicines based on the body condition & healthy life style can change the things with your. Try some home remedies before you decide on...
How old are you? If you are not old enough & can wait for some time, check all the option you have to get some sperm production. If there are some improvement, you can try IVF-ICSI. We had low morphology & lower sperm count and IVF was the only option we have along with the troubles in my side!
Never give up. Give it a try before taking up the last step!
All the best. Baby dust to you.

august2006 · Jun 21, 2011

hi Hope for the best,
Before going for donor sperm, try acpuncture for your DH along with yoga. your yoga teacher should aware of his condition. there are some asanas which will help in sperm production. Atleast give it a try for 6months.