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MIL - DH phone conversations..!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by invisible, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. iyerponnu

    iyerponnu Gold IL'ite

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    Good one.... Only in my case I have to change the title to MIL-DH and his DW conversations... Believe me, most of the time they are quite similar.

    Background: My husband is the only child for his parents, who are aged 75 and 71. (Late marriage...and my husband is 36 now). She thinks of me as her daughter (most of the time, in fact it gets quite over-bearing at times, esp when she talks about how she suffered to bring 'us' up!!!)

    Most times, we call before leaving for work, every morning. There are days when my husband talks, and I dont. My husband calls them when he is driving or on the train, and that is when she gives him 'information' which supposedly should be conveyed to me.. which my husband promptly forgets :)

    Topics:
    1. How much she suffered to bring her son up... (sometimes she will tell me how much she struggled to bring me up... and I will be like :bonk)
    2. How much her in-laws and sils/bils ignored her...and how much she has done/does for them...
    3. How much her sisters/brothers ignored and what all she did for them. (This will be on a softer note, depending on her mood though..)
    4. How good a mom-in-law she is.
    5. How good a mom she is and does not expect anything from her son..
    6. How lucky we 'both' are to have such loving parents..
    7. How lucky I am to have such caring in-laws...
    8. How lucky my parents are to have such relaxed sammandhis...(This takes the cake because my in-laws are very formal and expect it from every one else..)
    9. How the neighbours are asking them about us not coming back to take care of them..
    10.How my dad-in-law struggled to help his family.. (If not for him, the family would be in the dumps-her words...) and how they dont care about them
    11.How my dad-in-law 'illtreats' her...
    12.How they both manage things inspite of their age..(This, I agree... but I find it a bit ridiculous as they dont want us to do anything to make things easier for them. My husband's aunt teases saying her sister-my mom-in-law thrives in work and complaining about it!!!)
    13.If we were planning to go out, depending on her mood, her advice will vary. Happy - go and enjoy, get her something nice to eat. Frustrated/angry - When I got married I didnt go anywhere, we didnt waste money like your uncles and yo should do the same!!
    13.Oh and the usual gossip about relatives, how her this cousin did that, that cousin did this...and so on.

    All this and more in the usual 45-60 mins conversation in the morning. Same thing repeated if we call during the day..only variation would be depending on her mood, she can praise or demean someone... One day the cook would be the best, the same evening, she will be the worst. Same goes for the maid or anyone else for that matter...Sometimes her conversations will include 'gyan' for me on how to take care of my parents and gyan for him on how to keep me happy..My husband finds this amusing as it could be in direct contrast to what she has told before...On the whole, talks with them can be illuminating, irritating, funny - all in the same go!! Conversations with me vary greatly with her mood...can range anywhere between storms of love and tornado of hatred/anger!!

    Mythili

    (Sorry guys for this long one... had to share my thoughts here!!)
     
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  2. angel1719

    angel1719 Silver IL'ite

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    MIL to DIL...add some quotes in which it highlights females in family should follow their DH's words...should be inferior to them...and read this verse and that verse...later I will ask you what you understood....

    not even bought me one saree..he keeps all money..my salary, atm all with my DH...this is what i get to hear from my MIL...so expects me to do the same...and tells me in subtle way....

    something similar I hear from FIL

    Some of your points I can relate so much....

    And my list of DH- MIL conversation

    - What you had for food, what did I cook? (1st question- MANDATORY)
    - What no breakfast??
    - Help her with work (when she knows I am listening to conversation)
    - This relative told this and that..so you call them
    - Give some money to this relative's son..he is visiting.
    - Did you call your sister?
    - How is she? (though she might have spoken to her 1 hour ago, which I come to know by her talks)
    - Do you go and see her (SIL stays in different place a bit far)

    And the list goes on..I feel its very subtle emotional touch..like see its poor me...
     
  3. HappyMom123

    HappyMom123 New IL'ite

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    wow..this is a very nice/funny thread:)...These days my mil is staying with us.Any moment she gets,continuously brainwashes my husband against me...I really don;t understand what she gets out of it..Does she want her dh's family with fights...i don;t no...But atleast these days i am just ignoring her and my dh's words;)....nyway...i guess i am deviating from the original post..
    I think my post is very similar to "monita" :cheers My MIL lives with us now.But when she wasn't, the conversation was mostly about:
    -her health( she is so sick, she was going to die soon)
    -FIL's health(he is old, and nagging her)
    - Her age( she is old and she cannot do anything and yet doing many things)
    - Neighbours( how neighbours' sons live with them and take care of them)
    - relatives( what they say about us)
    -SILs ( she is staying alone,so feeling bad about her that she has to cook for herself...:bonk)
    -SILs( marriage problems,things not working for her etc)
    -My health(all my health problems are because of my own mistakes:crazy)
    - me ( what a useless person I am who cannot take care of me, my family and my home)--earlier this used to be on Phone,Now on my face:):spin

    Cheers..
     
  4. invisible

    invisible New IL'ite

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    And the most important one

    10. Blood is thicker than water - Your wife is an outsider. she is not related to you by blood and can never love you like us. Do not trust your wife. and she also tells him that you can get a hundred wives but you cant get another mother. So MIL should be the most importanat woman in his life.
     
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  5. sitara1

    sitara1 Bronze IL'ite

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    :shock: Are you serious? She really says that directly? What is your H's reaction?
     
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  6. invisible

    invisible New IL'ite

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    Ya seriously my MIL is a lunatic on the loose. She cannot digest the fact that I exist. She keeps tryin to brainwash DH that she is more important than me and he should love her more than me. I dunno what DH makes of it. I thought it was too ridiculous to react to.
     
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  7. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey Happymom123,
    At last I found someone in my situation. I won't I am happy to find someone in my situation because I know it's not a happy situation. We are quite rare actually.
    I hope you are coping dear. I find it very difficult.
     
  8. HappyMom123

    HappyMom123 New IL'ite

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    Hey monita,I think most of the women are falling under our categeroy....Its just that issues are different,but root cause is the same:)

    Somebody suggested in this earlier to follow the ignore mantra..Believe me,its not easy to follow..and yet I guess its better to follow atleast to make our self happy:)....Me..Still trying...:cheers
    take care.
     
  9. nileleo

    nileleo New IL'ite

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    Interesting post. I have noticed in-laws never ask about DIL they are only interested in their son.
    this is my list
    - first question is babu what did you eat if it is some veg food they will ask no non veg?
    -did you speak with your sister
    -send her some gift card (SIL birthday send gift,her wedding aniv send gift,her husbands birth day send gift,she had baby send gift,babys birthday send gift,Diwali send gift) when ever there is festival they expect us to send gift
    -we are short on money send us money

    Some times i think being women is a curse.We have to take S&^% from every one.Make every one happy.
     
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  10. anoop2007

    anoop2007 New IL'ite

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    Dear Invisible,

    I could not stop laughing when I read ur third point .

    (The guilt trip = It was so hard to give birth to Dh. It was even harder to bring him up.How much she has suffered/sacrifeced/given DH)

    Thats what our Mom did for us too.These people exaggerate everything when it comes to them.


    1.MIL talks about FIL's death daily and attacks amotionally.
    2.MIL is old enough to be alone and she is really longing to see our Kid.(she will not even buy a chocolate for my kid)
    3.How every other parent are living happily with their son
    4.How everyone is taking care of their mom and sister.And how they spend so much to them.
    5.How her daughter was tortured by in-laws .(she is trying to prove that she is so good.She
    corrupts DH mind.
    6.She talks about the Son's duty (She is programming his mind)
    7.How her Son-in-law will not listen to her daughter and beat her when she talks something about her Parents-in-law
    7.How her daughter cooks delicious food.
    8.Her daughter is taking good care for her mil.(she will buy medicine for 1000 Rs each month.She bought a cell for her mil which is only incoming.Her mil is only few kms away from her house .sil's mil lives alone in her home.sil's husband never talks to his mom because she is bad and treated her wife bad.).Infact we spend almost 15 lakhs for fil's cancer treattment,radiation,chemotherapy,medicenes..,
    9.BIL is innocent .He doesn't know anything.(he bought an apartment in Bangalore for 27 lakhs and informed everyone only during registration.)
    10.Dh has to take care of everyone.He is the elder son.That is his duty.
    11.How sick my mil is.(she told me once she got dizziness so bad.The tempeerature was too high that she got venalkatti)
    12.she kept her in-laws,sil's in a distance.But I have to take care of everyone.Thats what a good girl from a good family will do.
    13.She talks about us coming back to India.She needs to spend rest of her life with dear son.(actually her second son refused to take care of her after fil's death.yet she will tell second son dont know about the world .he is so innocent.)
    14.dh should talk about financial matter to wife.mil is an expert in it.(what she want is -wife must take care of husband .but she has no right in his money.mil will do the money management.)
    15.people who worship God do so many bad things.(I am devotional).Thats why she does not worship God
    16.she also tells story about the worst dil nearby her home.she means I am also bad and dh should control me
    17.I cant talk or suggest about any family issues.Because I came in the middle and I dont know anything about their culture and traditions.
    18.sometime my mil also talks about my co-sis charishma and soft hands and family, and dh is not lucky to get that.


    A lot to add.We dil-s are so unlucky and cursed to have a Vonage.

    The real culprit is the Phone company not the mil's.
     

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