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SIL insulted us at her home

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ras09, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. Jun 4, 2011 #1
    ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    i am posting this after a long time.. i posted here first time when our marriage was just three months old... now we are about to complete 2 years of our marriage.
    i always had issues with my in laws specially my dominating, bitch SIL.
    You can read my previous post to know how bitchy she is.
    So finally she got married and disappeared from our lives for sometime.

    We came abroad after her marriage where my SIL already living... Thank god, we live far apart.. i mean she lives on east coast and we live on west coast.

    She is very dominating and wants to be the center of attraction all the times.. i have seen her giving answers back to her MIL even before her marriage...
    Anyways, since we were in same country, she visited us in less than 3 months after we came here.. we were hardly settled... no problem,, she was rude.. but i bear her somehow..

    She was keep on insisting us to visit her, so we visited her last month.. she insulted me and my husband more than couple of occasions in front of her husband.
    i felt so bad that one night i cried in front of my husband. we stayed at her home for 5 days.. she keep on shouting on us all the time,
    Even my husband felt very bad by her behavior. she is younger to my husband... but she keeps on scolding him and me..few examples..
    we were roaming around in a town in afternoon... her husband said that he wants to sleep now.. she started shouting..lets go fast to hotel.. lets go... we were walking towards the parking place with them ... we stopped for few moment at a small shop.. she came back screaming at us..
    i felt so bad.. but did nt say anything..
    Ex 2- We went to visit a beach.. she spend 3 hours buying a swim suit and she didnt feel bad about it but later she started shouting that you guys are not moving fast...
    Ex 3- Next day, they were walking slow and then she suddenly start walking fast and again shouted at us... i have had enough at that time.. i answered her back.. i said stop being pushy... you were far behind me.. i was walking faster than you... now dnt come and tell me that i am not moving fast...

    At this, she started crying and all... later i found out that she had fight with her husband few moments ago on something.. she was frustrated and yelling at us.. how mean!!

    At that very moment, she walked away.. i went behind to say sorry.. but she kept on walking with her hubby and did not even turned back..i keep on talking and saying sorry behind her..then i stopped it... i was saying sorry even if it was not my fault.

    Even my husband was hurt at her arrogance... he talked to her then she came to me and said sorry... i said sorry also...bcz i did not want to create a scene..

    Last day of our trip, she told us that.. this is not india, if some guest is coming at home... they should take care of their things.. like washing utensils themselves... then i told her that i never ask my guests to wash their utensils... its rude... she started argument on it.. May be she was saying this for us?? huh.. she is the one who never even kept her dirty utensils in kitchen when she used to visit my house.

    what a bitch!!::bang

    Now we are no more talking to each other.. she calls to my husband and talk to him only.. even i dnt care.. she tried to create a fight with my husband on my bday..

    My husband wants me to talk to her .. at the same time, he admits that she was wrong in her behavior, i dnt want to talk to her at any cost... but see my husband who feels bad abt this situation... what should i do?
     
    ras09, Jun 4, 2011
    ras09, Jun 4, 2011
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  2. Jun 4, 2011 #2
    rms1

    rms1 New IL'ite

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    I read your previous post and ya I know how weird your SIL is. But whatever happend now btw. both of you is not that major, she just doesn't insulted you but also shouted on your hubby and as you told she was also answering back to your MIL. So that means she is just like that, frustrated types. So better you dont take it too personally with you. Just ignore her and try to stay away from her as much possible. You dont have to be her friend definately, but you cant abandon her fully, if you totally stop speaking to her then it might backfire you in the long run. Just be cordial, like hi-hello, how are you etc. You are here at abroad and she too, you may need her favor in future for some reason, so dont call off relation fully, just a bit cordial. Hope this helps.
     
    rms1, Jun 4, 2011
    rms1, Jun 4, 2011
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  3. Jun 6, 2011 #3
    ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Dear rms,

    Thanks a lot for your advice... but tell me ... if we continue to talk to her... will she ever improve her behavior?
    Everyone needs to change themselves according to time... now she is married and has to handle lots of relationships... she need to change herself... how long somebody will tolerate insults?

    i mean every adult require mutual respect. I think she is not even good terms with her MIL.
    Hope somebody will give her advice....
     
    ras09, Jun 6, 2011
    ras09, Jun 6, 2011
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  4. Jun 6, 2011 #4
    Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ras,

    Basically,she is in immature stage.Not sure,weather she will improve on it or not.
    But time being,you don't act stubborn on talking with her.If she says hello to you,just say hellp and maintain cordial relationship.
    When she visits you next time,you be nice but don't over do thing.If you have to visit her,don't plan bigger trip ,just plan few days and observer her behaviour.If she still continue her bahaviour then you may re-consider visiting her shorter time.
    But at this point,just maintain cordial relationship.Ofcource,if she says,she wanted to talk to you.Or when you husband calls them,if your husband wanted to handover phone to you,just take it and say hello.
     
    Priya16, Jun 6, 2011
    Priya16, Jun 6, 2011
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  5. Jun 6, 2011 #5
    SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Whether your SIL is in good terms with her MIL or not is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS isnt it???

    As far as she treating you badly, do not go to her house going forward.....until she really comes forward and promises that she would hold her tongue....tell this to your husband...that you have nothing against her and you understand she being the younger one, but she is not a kid anymore and your husband is also not a kid ....and it wont look nice to insult elder brother infront of her husband....and brothers wife..

    continue talking to your SIL over phone...just be formal and casual...show her that, even though you disapprove her behaviour, it doesnt mean that you will behave like her...just be normal..dont go over board, say hi and enquire her well being and hang up...that too only on speakerphone...when your husband is around...

    Put down your foot and tell your husband that until your SIL promises she would mend her behaviour and wont insult you guys infront of her husband, you wont step into her house...but you would just keep her at arm length distance..tahts all...finally all of you are family...so you have to be intouch and talk...but visiting each others houses is becoming way more insulting...so you cut that part out.be a grownup and handle the situaation...tit for tat always wont give best solution
     
    SriVidya75, Jun 6, 2011
    SriVidya75, Jun 6, 2011
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  6. Jun 6, 2011 #6
    sitara1

    sitara1 Bronze IL'ite

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    You should not encourage your SIL by ignoring her antics. If you dont make it clear that you do not approve of her behavior, she will think its ok to insult you. Put your foot down, in the sense, dont be over nice to her till she realizes her mistake. But be cordial and very formal so that you are being right from your end. Your H should also convey his displeasure which ever way he thinks is better. Overall, let her know that she can not get away with her rude behavior.

    Ya, some people just preach, they dont practice. If your SIL ever tries to lecture on how to be with your ILs, tell her on the face to first practice all that she is preaching.
     
    sitara1, Jun 6, 2011
    sitara1, Jun 6, 2011
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  7. Jun 14, 2011 #7
    ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Thanks for your replies..it really helped me a lot..

    @ Srividya, i just wanted to stress the point that she does not get along with any body thats why i said she does not even get along with her inlaws. Ofcourse Her life and inlaws are non of my business... hope she understands the same..
     
    ras09, Jun 14, 2011
    ras09, Jun 14, 2011
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  8. Jun 14, 2011 #8
    SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Even if she doesnt...you be the bigger person here!! Just be calm and be firm. and follow what everyone said here. Dont show your anger or upset feelings. you cant change her really!!! all you can do is ignore her totally.
     
    SriVidya75, Jun 14, 2011
    SriVidya75, Jun 14, 2011
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