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Am i wrong?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kanni09, May 10, 2011.

  1. kanni09

    kanni09 New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    I have been watching this forum for a while & its of great help...i have some issues bothering in my mind for long time & i hope u friends help me out.Im married & have a toddler.im a homemaker.My husband has many friends including girls(im aware of most of them).whenever he chats/ r write emails to them he used to write as "dear/darling..i luv u ..i wanna near to u etc..etc"...sometimes he use to chat with them in midnights...when i ask him he gets irritated & doesnt tell me that he is chatting(he tells me that he is viewing share market)...i dont say that he is cheating(never in his life he'll do that..im sure about it)..i have told him earlier that i dont like him calling his friends as darling & made sure that im not suspecting him...am i so possesive? how do u girls take it when ur husband says i luv u to girls without any intention...
     
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  2. hemalathaK

    hemalathaK Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't know what others would feel for this, but definitely I will be irritated like anything if my husband does the same like your's.I would suggest you to come and check him unexpectedly once in a while whether he is really veiwing share market or not.
     
  3. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    I like your confidence. What makes you so confident?

    I understand that there are a lot of them who don't stand a chance in real life with above average girls because of appearance or demeanor or age difference or other such things. There is research about being some people having this online persona that's so bold, unreal and almost fantasyland.

    I am curious to know if that's what you think your hubby is up to.
     
  4. sundust

    sundust New IL'ite

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    Hi Kanni09,

    You said, "My husband has many friends including girls(im aware of most of them)"....so does you husband chat with real friends or vritual freinds in chatroom??

    If he is chatting with his virtual friends at midnight...then I think, he is living a unreal fantasy life...that's not a very healthy practice. You should sit down and talk to him and probably visit to a counsellor if needed.

    But, if ur DH is chatting with his real friends...then I think it's okay...I've seen some spoilt brats using the words "i luv u...bla bla" very often without giving much attention to the importance of those heavy words/sentences. Usually they don't mean it, they just say it....western influence I believe!! So if your DH is like this (you will know better)...you don't need to worry.

    Personally, I believe, there should be crystal clear transparency in the relationship b/w husband and wife...that's very important.
    You can talk to him on this ground...if he has something to hide from you, then you too can have your own secrets and he shouldn't blame you for a ghostly marriage life!
     
  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Kanni,

    Having girls for friends is not abnormal. But to say "I love you" to girls when he is married does not sound normal to me. May be I am very conservative. Just ask yourself and if you can your husband too - would he stand for it if you said the very same things to other men? Leave that alone, would he even accept you having men for friends?

    I am not saying it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, but it is certainly strange that many men have one set of standards for themselves and another for their wives.
     
  6. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    This is one and only one reason, a husband can cheat on his wife so confidently and get away with it so easily.

    Please open your eyes and see what's happening around before it's too late.
     
  7. kanni09

    kanni09 New IL'ite

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    Thanks girls for ur valuable inputs.
    @hemalatha k-im sure he is not viewing sharemarket...i have checked it out.
    @beerbal - i dont know how to explain my confidence..he loves me & my kid very much..he always want to live healthy & happy life...we have no other major issues.
     
  8. Tanujam30

    Tanujam30 Silver IL'ite

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    Actually I would like to see one married "Western" man dare to say/write 'I love you' to another girl in front of his wife ! I have a hard time believing the "western" woman will take it lying down. We have got to stop excusing inappropriate behaviour in the name of western culture. Saying 'I love you etc', 'wanna be near you' to "friends" is definitely not normal & there is something definitely WRONG here IMO.
     
  9. kanni09

    kanni09 New IL'ite

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    @ sundust - he chats with his real friends..he was actually talking to his friend(they r meeting after 15yrs)..i read his email saying to her that he is reluctant to use the phrase"i luv u' to girls since some will misunderstand it..she did reply to my husb saying she'll not misunderstnd his words at any cost..by reading their emails it seems that they r talking about philosophy & it seems they both have samr wavelength..so they r excited it seems & they keep on talking..my concern is i have told him many times that i'll not suspect him anytime & that he is not trusting me...whenever he receives any msg from that girl in his mobile,he keeps his mobile with the screen facing down,so that i;ll not see the msg flashing in it & he clears of all the messages in it quickly...my concern is that im not suspecting him,but y he has to hide & behave so kiddish like this(its like illtreating me) ,inspite of me clearly saying that i'll not suspect him...what shd i do now? shd i talk to him r leave it as it doesnt influence our relationship...other than that he is a nice person,he takes very good care of me & my kid.
     
  10. kanni09

    kanni09 New IL'ite

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    @ satchitananda - ya,it seems that im als very conservative..im not sure whether its right r not...ya,i did talk to him of some of my fiends(boys) who studied with me in my college,he didnt say any word of opposition..instead he said to maintain good relationship with them too (so that i can understand the nature of boys)...
     

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