Angry Husband - Need help

This is how I exactly thought and it took me 7 long years to accept the reality that he is the worst kind of human being and if I have to be alive I need to take some serious steps. I approached the law and now I don't think so he will even dare to lift his finger nail at any woman. Before approaching law I have done everything possible on earth and sky to change that person.

I have read the incidents you have written. I have been there, gone through those. Take the horse to water, horse will drink the water only if he wants to. So you can take your husband a million times to psychiatrist or for anger management classes, but he will change only when he accepts his fault and wants to change.
I am sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think so it will work.

Looks like he hits you and yells at you before your daughter. How is the little one taking all this?

I thought exactly like you that I can not handle the world alone. I was very timid, worse than a 5 year old. But I am facing the world alone now. If I am able to do it, I am sure you can too.

Please consider what others are trying to convey to you and approach law.

 

Kamal,
Email sharing is not allowed on forum as per the rules by Admin. But if you purchase PM then you can contact folks using that.

Whether you do that or not - read what other folks have written and you'll need to act on it, rather than worry about neighbors/society/public.

 

This is correct.

There is a saying, "he who holds the purse holds the power"

The following is an observation: In most traditional cultures, such as Indian culture, men control the money. Bad men who control the money feel "brave" enough to smack their wives around. Now, we are seeing women who have control of money, and some bad women feel "brave" enough to smack their husbands around.

This happens in USA, and across the world. People who are in control of assets to sustain oneself such as money (you need food, clothes, roof over your head at least), and who are bad, will take advantage of those who are vulnerable.


I pray the OP and her daughter gets the love and support she deserves, and that she has a bright and beautiful future that will MORE than compensate for the misery she had to ensure.

 

Kamal, I am still with my husband. That is one of the after effect in my life.Taking legal action didnt mean I wound up separated. My husband changed 180 degrees and I gave him a chance.Its been more than 5 yrs of doing it and he has proven that forcible taking of anger management classes did him good.
Maybe your husband needs a jolt of reality. My parents wudnt have supported me if I had asked them before. But I used my own judgement and did it.Think in terms of whether you are ready to go thru this for the rest of your life or will you put a stop to it. You can think he will change by himself. If he cud he wud have done it by now. He didnt and you need to do something. You can wait but will you be able to have your daughter see all this. This will scar her for life.I myself am trying to come out of my past. Its not easy and it takes a lot of time.You dont have only yourself to think about. Your daughter's mental health is also at stake.Think about all this. Good Luck.

 

Indian culture is distinct way in which Indians live, Indian culture is rich but it has it's own faults as well, physical abuse is more common among Indian households, dowry and cohabiting with inlaws is part of rich Indian culture, how often we see in western cultures where husbads support their parents, our culture is evolving but is not there yet with respect to womens rights. Our culture has evolved to female infanticide and feticide and we are talking about Indian culture respecting women, children and all living things. We cannot separate our culture from indian culture as we are Indians or of Indian origin.

 

I wrote this once many months back - will write again:

You cannot have Indian parenting and then want the same Indian parents to become Western parents magically when you are married. Indian parents provide for and support the kids for a lot longer, and in a lot more ways that Western parents may or may not. You cant have the cake and eat it too. Folks enjoy the comforts of Indian parenting and the security that comes along with it, and then much later - they turn around and crib when they see the other side of it.

There is nothing wrong with cohabiting with inlaws per se. Of course there are individual situations which can make it an issue. If peeps behave as adults, there should be a better way of doing it. And I am not even saying it is mandatory - that is a decision the couple needs to make.
Even hubby and wife living together need to make a zillion adjustments. Its much simpler living as a single if peeps dont want to adjust and make tradeoffs. Again this thread is not about Joint Family vs Nuclear Family - there is a separate thread discussing it - but the point was raised and I wanted to mention this too.

There are pros and cons in ANY culture. I am not putting down either culture - but one should at least know something properly before just putting it down.

 

What after effect will happen based on Kamal's action is hard to predict (if she does take a legal action). But then - if her hubby wont change and will continue to be abusive - IMO - it is better she walk out of the marriage. Better that, than live such a jailed life.

 

I second Spider.

OP,

You have asked your husband to see a counselor and he has refused.
Try to persuade him for anger management class and at the same time which I hope you already did by now, warn him you'll call the cops if he beats you again.

But I feel he won't take you seriously, he will definitely beat you again.
The minute he lays his hands on you, run out of the house with your mobile (I hope you have one) and call the cops. If you are going to call the cops in front him, obviously he's going to stop you and will get even physical.

Maybe don't react when he's beating you, I mean don't provoke him further. Once he leaves you alone and away from you, immediately call the cops. If possible go to the neighbour's house or wait outside your house with your daughter till the cops arrive.

See whether there's any changes after the cops attend to him. See whether their counsellings, anger management classes etc help him. If he remains the same, then I am afraid you need to walk out the marriage unless you want to risk your life and suffer for the rest of your life living in fear all the time.