Need advice ..shall i call her ..

Hi sowjanyak

You are very new to married life.So these things will upset you ...

MIL expects calls on daily basis..this is very common among all of us ladies.Even i faced this situation.I completed 7 years of marriage.When i was newly married, i had to call my MIL 3 times a day (STD call, that time we were in India)...Morning i had to call her that what i made for Breakfast...then afternoon again to ask her whether she had taken her lunch or not, then evening when hubby comes from office.....
And you must know bfore 7 years the STD rates were also quite more.We used to pay more than 8000rs for phone bills.Again we had to call to SIL also.So it all continued for nearly 2 years...If one day i dont call then my SIL calls to my hubby and complains about me that i dont care my inlaws..then when i started work, i reduced the call to 2 times a day...Then we had our baby...slowly things changed...now i am calling her once in 15 days...

So what i am trying to say is these things will happen in early days.try to be cool and dont spoil the happiness between you two.And your H is doing wrong, by not talking to you....You talk with him clearly, he will undertand.Dont get angry, try to solve this.You have tried to call her, but she didnt respond..tell clearly this to your H.

My suggestion will be you should call your MIL.I know you dont want, but just try to do....things will be better and your H will be happy..

 

Why does she wants you to call her everyday? is it because she is lonely, or would like to know how you are doing on a day-to-day basis, or is she too worried about you & your husband living abroad?

I think you can try understanding her need and respond accordingly.

If you know you cannot call some day, tell her in advance that you may be going out and may not get an opportunity to call her.

In totality, its a very small issue and if you are patient enough, you can solve it.

 

hello sowjanya,

i totally agree with what practical had said-sounds fair enough !

 

Hi sowjanya,
If u dont have any other issues other than this with your mil,just don t make it an issue at all. as our friends said it is common during the initial years of marriage.
Just cal her

 

Sowjanya

If you are not comfortable calling her every day or if you are scared what issues she might create behind your back or how she might project about you infront of your husband...which may lead to rifts b/w you and your husband...

best thing to do is...call when your husband is around...i.e talk to you rhusband and agree to a time where everyday you both would talk to your MIL. When you are talking to her put her on speaker phone so that her son also can listen both of you. do this everyday infront of your husband and let him decide if he wants to go through this exercise every day!!! If he thinks he wants to do this calling n talking thing everyday...he better be involved...if he thinks there is nothing to talk/update every day...then he will tell his mom...

If your husband tells you to call his mom when he is not around...tell him/remind him about his silent treatment..for no fault of yours...either he trusts you when you talk to his mom...or he ensures he is around so that neither you or his mom feel bad about who said what...he cant tell you one thing and again ill treat you after you do what he wants...who knows when his mom would get upset for or what upsets her!!! tell him the same thing...and let him know that since you are new to household and you and his mom needs time to understand and get adjusted to each other..so he has to help both you and his mom to patch up..instead of he listening to his moms words and distancing himself from you.

Do not argue or fight about this...calmly explain your point and leave it there...no nagging also. let him think over it.

As far as you are concerned...remember that you have to put your husband in the loop...you are newly married...and your husband may not beleive you when you tell him that his mom talks crap or points out the DIL for no reason.

Also when you talk to your MIL, dont try to take every word of her seriously. If she talks or points out or whines about something...hear from one ear and release it through the other...dont loose your cool because someone said something.

 

Sowjanya,
Your husband thinks calling his mom is your duty. I guess you feel its forced on you. You feel pressurised of this call ritual. Tell your husband that this is not increasing bond between u & ur mil, its going in quite opposite direction. Ask him not to pressurize you. Call her in some decent intervals. Rather than talking about you, enquire about her. You need not call her everyday if you don't have to.

 

call her.. and tell her.. if u cannot call on some days.. tell her in prior.. also tell her husband well before that u cannot call.. anticipate the problem and tell your husband in advance.. before your MIL tells yours husband.. that way can cope up with your MIL