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Is your husband American/foreign born/raised?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SproutsOfSpring, Apr 12, 2011.

  1. SproutsOfSpring

    SproutsOfSpring New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    Growing up, I never imagined that I would marry a guy who wasn't Indian. I always felt I would only be compatible with a person who had the same upbringing and shared the same experiences as me. My hubby is Indian, but since he was born and raised here in the United States, he identifies himself more as American. He visited India only twice as a child (when he was 2 and 6). He only has vague memories of India. We have been married for a little over two years now. We are totally in love with each other, but we had our fair share of challenges (which couple doesn't?!). I felt that in the beginning, there was a huge culture gap between us, even though, technically we share the same race, religion and culture. His parents are very traditional (more traditional than mine), so I know the differences in views/how we understood life and the world at large, stemmed from our upbringing in different countries. We had totally different world views. I tried to change his views on things a lot (and he tried doing the same), but now we have come to accept each other as we are. I have become a little like him and he has become a little like me. We have grown as a couple ..and our minds work more 'in sync' now, so to speak, and I am happy that we have finally struck that balance in our marriage. I always used to blame our challenges as a couple on belonging to 'cultures' but one day it all made sense when I realized that ALL couples, regardless of whether they marry an alien from Mars or someone from the same street they grew up on, have challenges. You just have to hang in there and give your relationship some time and room to grow (while treating your spouse with respect and dignity). And you have to be VERY patient.

    Looking back, I wouldn't have my life any other way. He is totally the one for me.

    Here are some pros to marrying a foreign (ok, western) born/raised man:
    -He is a good mix of east and west- and he doesn't care to hold my hand and walk with me in his parents' presence. He knows the art of keeping the wife and his mom happy at same time

    -He is used to eating bland food ..he eats anything as long as it's not rotten.

    (ok, I know there are a lot of Indian-born men who are amazing husbands ..I just mean that I like the lax attitude of my western-raised husband.. you get the point)

    oh on a different note, he holds the door open for random women when we're outside (that totally gets me jealous :rant)

    What are your thoughts on marrying a foreign-born person? Is anyone else here married to a foreign-born man? Share your experiences.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2011
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  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    lol that's funny, I never thought of it that way! My dh opens doors for ladies too. If he DIDNT hold the door open for women, I would actually think there is something WRONG with him!

    Actually in our case I'm the foreign born Indian and he's the Indian born in India. There hasn't been much of a culture gap between us because he's very similar to me in thoughts and behavior. The biggest gap was the culture between me and my inlaws. They thought a girl born and raised in India was their best bet. For them, things like touching feet and calling 'mummyji' was more important than anything else.... until they got burnt. Their first dil was born/raised in India partly in rajasthan partly in mumbai. My inlaws thought since the girl sits on the floor to eat, is pure veg, devout hindu, educated in India, and that rajasthani girls are the most docile... she would be the perfect dil. She turned out to be vile.... telling after marriage she doesnt believe in God, didnt want to be married, and had all these other boyfriends in US. Then she took their son's money and made him a laughing stock. Still, they couldn't admit she was a bad choice.

    Then me and my dh got married post his dumping by the 'docile wife'. I'm religious, but I'm open to every religion. I like non veg. I'm born brought up and educated in US. I'm not really docile. So they strongly opposed me and compared me to their first dil, even though she made them look like fools.

    It took them a lot of time to accept that I could be a great dil. Maybe I dont call 'mummyji' or touch their feet.... but I have taken better care of their son and been more respectful to my inlaws than the EX ever was. Slowly the gap between me and them dissapeared and they have fully accepted me and forgotten her. Also, I think part of the gap was not just due to the different cultures, but also they wanted to pick their son's wife via ARRANGED MARRIAGE. They did not like love concept (even though they had one :rotfl). So it was like culture gap and love marriage gap combined. :)

    I think even within India though there are couples who also face culture gap when they marry spouse from a different state, or religion, or caste. I like that my dh is raised in India, because it allows me to learn about my heritage and keep it alive. :thumbsup
     
  3. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    Well I cannot comment on this topic as we both are Indian born Indians (love marriage though) from the same caste everything...

    I just wanted to tell you that you have written down very well and above quoted made me laugh :)
     
  4. SproutsOfSpring

    SproutsOfSpring New IL'ite

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    asuitablegirl, glad to know that it worked out well for you guys. The idea that only girls from 'back home' can be good wives is ridiculous. I know many people who were born/grew up here that have good family values and could make perfectly good spouses
     
  5. SproutsOfSpring

    SproutsOfSpring New IL'ite

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    Thank you! ;)
     
  6. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    Sproutsofspring,
    I really have nothing to add here but wanted to say 'awesome post'. And ,as ptamil has mentioned, you have written it very well. I also enjoyed reading ASG's reply to your post.
    :)

    Enjoy
     
  7. SproutsOfSpring

    SproutsOfSpring New IL'ite

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    Thank you, neha1!! :thumbsup
     
  8. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    Errrr..i must beg to differ!! My DH is born and raised in India..he holds my hand in front of his parents,he eats anything i cook and also holds the door for ladies.My brother would also do the same..come to think of it most of my friends/family are like that.I guess holding the door for a lady is a gentlemanly trait not connected to any culture.My dad and my FIL also do that.
     
  9. SproutsOfSpring

    SproutsOfSpring New IL'ite

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    Beg to differ? how?
    I was only trying to be funny towards the end ..sorry you missed it or I did a lousy job being funny :idea. Like I said, there are amazing Indian husbands out there. This was a post about my relationship with an American-born more than anything and I was interested to know if there was anyone else with a similar experience (Indians with an American-born spouse). In any case, good for you Preet82! :thumbsup Props to the men in your family for keepin' it real! ;)
     
  10. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    My dear sproutsofspring,

    I said '"beg to differ"' because i was under the impression that you were stereotyping Indian and American raised Indian men.Not all Indian men have to be ill-mannered or fussy about food..etc etc...now i understand you were saying it in a humorous way!
     

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