OMG... is this called life?

I have been following your posts for long, Put your foot down and go stay with your husband separately. If you can manage to put your earnings into some deposit or bonds where you cant take it out, do it.

And tell your FIL to take a walk who says the kid has to get used to other food. Its none of his business to speak about all these.

We know that you money was eaten up, DH, inlwas played all games. Now atleast say you have to move, you need not even involve your parents in this.

Your cousin sends money and how would your DH know who sent and for what without you knowing. ! :bonk

 

Tugga

I dont mean to scare you, but he is indulging in habits that would destroy his own mental peace, who knows he might as well be confused and not able to understand what he has to do or who he has to listen to.

I didnt understand what he means by not able to come back to his own home?? you can always hire a cook / help to keep the house clean and cook food so that he can relax and spend time with the baby right?

It is not right on his part...to come up with those reasons, now he is a dad and he better accept the responsibility and come back to his own house rather than trying to go back to hsi batchelor hood life....

Before its too late, time for you to move back to your house!!! or else you might end up staying at your moms place for ever. you have to claim your life and husband back before its too late...no more reasons/questions...its tough to manage alone...but its worth giving a try for the sake of your baby having a father.

go back to your house, hire a help and call your husband until he comes back home..

 

Looks like the only thing you are fit for, in his eyes, is to go to Sudan and send him all your money!

Do you actually give in when he makes such silly allegations? It's obvious he doesn't want you around him; so you have to plant yourself there irrespective of his wishes. Can you handle your baby by yourself even if he's hostile? I mean, if you pack your bags and go and land up in his house, will he trouble you in any way?

I suggest you think carefully and try to go over to his place as soon as you can, but not at the cost of your safety. Please take the help of your parents to arrange this..

I think this is commonplace nowadays - when wives go away for their delivery & post partum periods, husbands are alone and start to indulge in drinking and late nights, especially if his parents don't live nearby. The only way to nip this is for you to go back and tolerate no nonsense.

 

Tugga, what is going on here????? Your husband has no right to tell you that he's 'not ready' to live together. He should have THOUGHT about that before marriage! I think you need to put your foot down and say you are coming to stay with him, or you are staying at your mom's place forever. His reasons for you not to come are NONSENSE and he is saying really hurtful things. Don't know what has gotten into him!

About them telling you to go work in SUDAN again... they must really be insane. Sorry, but most LOVING husbands and inlaws would not want their wife/dil/new mom to be working/living in SUDAN! I think we all know what happens there. How could anyone want their loved one to be over in SUDAN?? I think no amount of money is worth your safety. Ignore them. If they are so keen on Sudan, let them take up a job there. Or if that doesn't work out, you should suggest them to try for jobs in Iraq or Libya. :bonk

I think things have gotten to a point where you either have to GO NOW to be with him and straighten things out, or all will be lost. I know it will be difficult to oppose him when he is saying 'no', but you need to get to the bottom of things and figure out whether he is trying indirectly to get out of this relationship. It's too bad he is doing all this nonsense after having a baby with you. Really, he needs to grow up and realize his responsibilities. You have slogged for so many years and gone along with what he wanted. Now you need to be firm and start laying down your requirments, FIRST ONE should be that husband wife and baby LIVE TOGETHER.

Good luck with this. It wont be easy, be it has to be done.

 

I agree with ASG ... if you read between lines , he is sending all kinds of messages that he wants he's way out.

he never expected to quit your high paying job n come stay with him, n later have a baby. all his family wants frm u is money ...after draning your savings , now they have no use. I bet you the moment you say you will start working , things will be rosy again .... you r just a cash cow for them...

wake up girl.... put your foot down n tell you H , stop giving stupid excuses n move into your house... ask him if he wants to be married or no, if it's a yes move in .. if not you need to give this relationship a good thought.

 

Dear Tugga ,
Have you by any chance hinted that living at Moms place was convenient and he should also shift there ? I think you have said that you were confused as why he didnt agree . You also said that there were many people to look after you and baby at your Moms.
Maybe he took all the above in bad light and shifted base , thinking that you were not interested in setting up home with him except at your Moms annexe .
Next he took a transfer and said all those hurtful things.
If you really love him then go live with him as family .

What are your career plans after your baby ?

 

Tugga, Hi! I'll write in a nutshell.

1. Never believe or accept whatever bad relationship between the husband and his family that is showcased to you. You may never know what transpired before you entered their life.
2. You pack and move with your husband.
3. Never budge to work. Tell him he's the man and he has a duty towards you and the littleone.
4. Check for improvements in your family and lifestyle periodically, henceforth think about yourself and your littleone. Doesn't matter push your husband to the backburner until you gain confidence.

 

Tugga,

I just read this whole thread.

I feel that your DH may be feeling neglected and you guys definitely need to live together. I know we women work so hard trying to balance out our own selves and the relationships around us but marriage is a BIG job tugga. We need to constantly work at it.

I know a few people here have already suggested that you move with your husabnd and start living with him. I would also like to say the same thing. Living apart ,just does not work . A couple of months or so for a vacation or delivery or job is a different thing. Men can get cranky and can do all sorts of things if this period extends.Try your best to keep meeting him.

Its hard managing a baby and a house in addition to our own health(mom's health) but so many women do this daily Tugga. nothing new. We indians are just used to help but trust me, after a while you will get used to doing things yourself.

MAy be money was the main reason why your in-laws agred to this marriage but now YOU are married, for whatever reason it may have been, and you both should try to get things back to thae way you guys want it.

Tugga, I have a very similar example that happened with my friend here in US. She got married and came to US to join her husband, gets pregnant in 3 months of marriage. Goes to India in the 4th month of pregnancy and returns back in the 7th month. Then her mom comes to US to help her out with the delivery and stay for 2 months after the delivery. The baby is 2 month old now. The husband packs off his MIL,his wife and his baby to India. How sick, I said when I heard this and I saw the girl cry and beg to her husband that she does not want to go ! It was sad to see that Tugga but that guy had the same reasons that your Dh mentions "she does not cook much, she is unable to care of herself and now the baby also. All this leaves me with too much work in addition to office work". This is what he tells after his wife has left. He has happily sub-let his apartment now and he even earns money out of it.

I'm telling you this story because I wanted to let you know that , yes, there are men like that out in the world. Can you see a pattern in his behavior? He just wanted to finish all his responsibilities(accoring to his parents) : get married, have kids and that too a US citizen, then live your life as usual.If not for American citizenship, this man would have not got his wife here for the delivery and would have continued to let her be there. OFcourse, he always visited his wife every now and then paying international flight tickets and never really created any issues like the ones that you have mentioned!

Now, the turn in the story. all this happened a year back. So the baby is around a year old. The wife had enough and she booked her own tickets from India to her home here in US and landed at the door with her baby. She asked me to come to the airport to help her and I did that. I dropped her till her house. She was surprised to see all men living in her 1 Bdroom apartment. DH is surprised too. She tells those guys to vacate as and when they can and gives her DH an ultimatum too. She told me that she has given him sometime to figure out what he wants and if he sends her back to India again, she will never come back to him. The guy got the message. They live together now. LEt's hope that he never changes

I'm not comparing your life to anyone else's. Each person is different and so is her or her life. What I'm trying to tell you is: take a drastic step tugga. Join your DH in his new state,start life again. On week ends,if your DH wants you to be at his parent's palce with him then do so for sometime. Can you not sacrifice a few days for years of a good marriage? Take it like you are in a stranger's house and you need to take care of yourself and your baby. Don't expect anything from anyone.

Men need their women to be close to them, emotionally and physically/sexually too. Do whatever you can, and still if your DH talks about going to Sudan or someother job then write this relationship off and go ahead with your job, the only difference being the money you earn will be for you and your baby:thumbsup.

Good Luck.