How Long??

HelpMe · Mar 23, 2011

I have a question to all the divorced women out there who have kids. Well first let me explain my situation, then the question.

It has been 2 years since m seperation and one year since I got divorced, I would have expected my ex to be married by now, but unfortunately he is not.

I seperated when my daughter was 7 days old, at that time my ex could careless about the childor anything about her. But all of a sudden I see these changes, him volunteering to pay her school fee, him executing his visitation rights. I just hate it, I want him out of my daughter's life.

My lawyer advices me that I have no choice but to let him see the child, she also tells me to be patient that it is only a matter of maybe 1 year that he will be remarried and then won't bother my daughter anymore.

So I wanted other divorced women with kids to tell me their experiences with ex's and how long it was after the divorce that they moved on in life and stopped troubling you and our child.

newbeginning · Mar 24, 2011

Well, if your ex and the child is enjoying each other's company, then why do you even want or wish him to go away from the child. Maybe he has realised his mistakes and trying to be a good dad to the kid. Give him a chance with an open mind and see how it goes. Your child also has every right to be with the dad...don't try to deprive of it from the child.

Takecare,
NB

RadiantCat · Mar 24, 2011

Can't you revoke the visitation rights? I don't know this part of it. If you have given him that, you cannot stop him visiting.

rpm2 · Mar 24, 2011

Helpme,

He might not be your husband but he is still the father to your child. No matter what, he will always be the father and you cannot/should not change it. You will have problems with him but handle this parenting "partnership" in a dignified way for your child.

The child must not feel that he/she is the reason for problems between you both. Let him be the dad and never stop him from being one. Infact, you should encourage him so that the child will always have dad's love.

GL!

flowerlady · Mar 24, 2011

Your ex H has discovered his love for his kid because she is big enough , new born babies are a lot of work and not so cute like 2 year olds .
Its normal to feel like you do and keep the father away since he did not care for the baby earlier . But he has visitation rights and is exercising them .
Let him pay for the kids education , its not about money but your kid will be happy when she grows up knowing she was NOT abandoned by her father. Its good that she is getting her fathers love now at least.
Children are the worst off in any divorce as its difficult to choose parents or hate them from a childs point of view .
There are ex Husbands and ex -wifes but no ex fathers/mothers.

RadiantCat · Mar 24, 2011

I met a person 2 years ago; a divorcee with a son. He had a bizarre story. I will not write the background, but this man vouched his love for his kid and blamed the ex. He insisted that she made use of the son to get things done. He took a partial custody of 30 - 70; 30 his and 70 the lady's. He paid the fees, insurance and believe outing too.

He visits the kid frequently and claims he is very scared of the lady on how she might react to his remarriage.

Kids must not become pawns for the bad spouses to stop the other person from progressing.

HelpMe · Mar 24, 2011

You know if he can be agood father there is nothingmore i would want then that, he couldn't be a good husband but if he has it in him to be a good father I would accept it.

But in reality I am very scared, he and his family are very manipulative people, mine was a love marriage to him the entire relationship was based on lies and manipulation. I don't want my daughter to be expesed to that.

I would prefer that she be able to live her childhood as close to normality as possible.

My ex and his family will use her to hurt me and I fear that the most.

drjp · Mar 25, 2011

Help me!!
You fears are very well placed based on your history, and the fact remains that an abuser is an abuser. That said, it is not right to deprive your child from her father.

As much as we dream/wish to provide the best possible for our kids - our instincts want to protect our kids - it is probably better for them to see the world and learn to live with it.

Are you back in US? Based on your response, we can talk more.
Take care and stay cool
Drjp