MIL dictating my parents life

Akruti... Sri and the rest have all given good advice. Your husband sounds like an absolute pain in the ass. Don't put it off on your mil, Akruti. She is just a deranged woman sitting miles and miles away. It is your HUSBAND giving power to her words. Uninvite everyone. Tell your husband that NOBODY is coming from your side and that his parents are not invited either. If he threatens to bring his mom here, inform him you'll be living seperately or returning to India until he grows up.

He is scared to go into the hospital? Sorry, but that's bullsh*t. He wasn't scared to MAKE the baby, but now he's scared to watch it be born? Oh please. Your husband really needs to grow up and learn how to be supportive. When I picture going to the hospital to give birth, I feel it must be a terrifying experience for the pregnant woman. I CANNOT IMAGINE a husband not being there for his wife. What kind of guy does that???

Seriously Akruti, keep it short and sweet. Tell your husband what you've decided and that he has two choices 1) agree to your decision or 2) agree to your decision. That's right, he has no choice. His time to blabber nonsense has come and gone, and you really need to take a stand... not for your parents, not against your inlaws, not for any tom dick or hary.... you need to take a stand for YOURSELF. If you can't manage that, then all I can say is look forward to a repeat of the last 5 years cause it's not going to get any better. Sri has tried so hard and has given such good advice to you.... if only you would follow it....

 

Can't you pick up the phone and call your MIL and tell her to mind her own business? What are you scared of?

Your husband is only going to do as he pleases, not as you wish. So it's high time you stepped up and told everyone what you think.

If your husband gives you any trouble for speaking to his mom, ignore him. Don't bother talking to him or explaining anything. If he cancels your mom's ticket, ask your brother to book one for her. Tell him you'll reimburse him later. Remember, since your mom already has a visa, no one can stop her from coming to your place.

Be bold, and do not fear anybody. No one takes advantage of a person who can stand up for herself.

 

Akruti,

Do you know where is the problem?? read the below lines.

at the most she can rule my or her son's life who gave her the right to rule my parent's life?

Why and how she (your MIL) can rule your life? She may could rule your husband's matters those your are not involved. But bsolutely not yours.

Time to put your foot down and stand for yourself. First of all I dont know why you didnot do this till now.

Swipe your card and bring your mother. What the maximum your MIL can do? can she beat you? At the max she will seperate your husband from you?? Do you want to live with this kind of brainless husband? Atleast you can see whether he is coming to his sense.

so tell your husband you are bringing your father and your mother for the delivery. (I dont really know why are you afraid to say this). If he says no ask him the reason. If he says his mom dont want that ask him who is she to control your life. (when you ask us who is your MIL to control your parents life why dont you ask your husband who is she to control your life.)

If he is still stubborn then look for temprory residence or friends place move there bring your parents. have a safe delivery with your parents.

But I doubt you will do all this. You dont want to speak for yourself, but just you want your MIL and H to realize their nonsense?? I bet you unless your put your foot nothing is going to change.

Only since you are bending for everything she is trying to control your parents too. You are not strong and taking control of your life first of all so please dont blame her..............

It is better to live alone instead of living with this kind of people. Take decision. If you wan stand up for yourself do it. Otherwise if you want only this life then you need to learn to enjoy your husbands and MIL's behaviour.

 

hi dear,
I am almost in the same boat. only difference is that I am livin in india at some different city. I planned that both of the sets of the parents will b here with me at the time. but my mil said that my parents hav no role in this:bonk. ok!!! we decided that my inlaws will come to our place and after 40 days of delivery i will go to my parents place. initially it was fine with her , but now she said suddunly that she wants me at her place as it will b more convenient for her n my hubby. n thats true. but here the thing matteres is my convenience.
so if my health will allow, i will go to her place. make her work as my hubby will b there she hav to take care of me. y to put my mother in the state of mental n physical pain??? will act extra vulnerable in front of my hubby. never ever say anything wrong about my mil in front of him . but show off my ill health:thumbsup
my advice is to . let her come, do all the work . yes her words will hurt u. pls ignore for the sake of child n ur paents. let ur parents live peacefully. all the best!!

 

Akruti, oh girl .. I feel sad for what you are growing through.
Sometimes i feel labor pain is sooo wonderful than all these il's stress. With pain atleast we can hear wonderful baby's first cry.

Like others said, tell your dh that both your parents are coing. PERIOD.
If not, no one is coming. Let him handle the stress of thinking how to manage without anybody's help.

You are getting sooo near to the date. Take care girl. They say 3 weeks prior to due date shud be obsolute rest period since it will give you more stamina and energy very much needed for pushing. So pls pls relax.

If you think its just getting too much to take, just do what they are asking just just for baby's sake. You and ur mom can go back to India and spend some quality time with ur dad.

I am really worried for you dear. Please please dont ignore health at this stage. After postpartum body will show all the results of being stressed in this period. I am going thru lots and lots of health problems bcos of stress that i had between 5 and 10 mnths after having baby.

Dont stress your mom too .. make a list of things that u need and send it. Abt customs or POE things, tell them only previous day. Dont scare them now itself.

just to mention, when i was abt 5 mnths prego my dh was stubborn to get his parents for delivery. I was stressed and i finally said ok(since i knew my mil wouldnt want to work hard. Later i knew that she doesnt know how to give bath for baby. She has 4 kids !!!). I convinced my parents that they will come later when baby starts his milestones. But I started to gather all docs required for visa stamping without anybody's sense. Finally when there was like 2 mnths more for due date he said his parents wont be able to come, which i knew. I gave him silent treatment and saw stress in him and requested my parents to come. I had everything ready and sent them for visa after couple of weeks. Thank god, my parents were here for me.

I said this bcos, at some point pregnant body tells you 'Dont harm the baby. Stop stressing.' Pls takecare of yourself. Dont think abt who is controlling whom. Just stick with current plans and think abt baby's shopping, come home day celebs, etc etc ...

Good luck..

 

Akruti, my bloodis boiling reading all these.i would have left such a husband long time back before i get pregnant if i were in ur place. People don't have self-respect and he doesn't know to respect his wife also. I can never forgive if my husband does the same. i will also lose the respect i have for him. Nuts they are. Now u concentrate on ur delivery. it's not a small thing to give birth and it's actually like a tree being uprooted. u will have lot of physical weakness after delivery. so it's better to take proper rest and get enough help. Now don't react to anything and don't think of the future problems. Tell ur husband that u also have a girl and what goes around comes around and he can expect the same treatment from ur daughter's husband and in-laws once she grows up and gets married. so give and take respect.

 

I wish I knew you personally. I would have called 911 on your behalf.

 

Archana.....me too. If not 911 atleast, we could try to knock some sense into her husband.

Haven't heard from you Akruti in a while, hope you are doing good. The due date is closer...so ALL THE BEST! Stay cheerful.

 

whatever srividya has told in the last post is true. 5yrs is a long time for akruti to get either adjusted with her in-laws n husband problems or to take a strong step against them. Now i don't think that her husband has any sincere love for his wife or his kid. normally all husbands take maximum care to keep their pregnant wives happy.
I dont know why he got married and now is going to have a kid. i think he was just going with the flow, since everyone gets married he too did so, everyone has kids so he also is going to have one. and akruti's complaints abt in-laws sounds too fresh so i don't know whether these problems started now only or she is still not adjusted with all the drama. If some other elder people are there who can put sense to his mind akruti can depend on them or else i seriously think a marriage counselling only can help her. Because as far as we have seen, the kid won't get proper care even after she is born since there's gonna be more arguments and fights depending on her upbringing. it's too bad for the development and growth of the baby also.

 

where is akruti these days? has she gone into labor?