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MIL's opinion exist in IL through our SIL's

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by 1janavi, Feb 21, 2011.

  1. 1janavi

    1janavi Bronze IL'ite

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    justanothergirl,


    I also had the oppurtunity to live around a lot of people.I know a lot of family stories too...

    We cannot call our oun sibilings as very nice people unless we see them how they face the tough times....even parents for that matter....

    So ,calling the 200 families as nice people is a broad generalisation.


    Did you get to hear the stories from their sons and DIL's ?

    If the parents son's wait for their parents to pass away to inherit property,

    Don't you think this is a case of parenting gone wrong.
    How come kids raised with basic morals ( very basic ) think this way....

    In all this ....you are only addressing DIL/sons/sil....
    You are not talking about Girls parents.....no case of SNIL being bad.

    How come in that 200 families you know ,
    there wasn't a single SNIL rooting for the girls parents to pass away to inherit property....

    Everyone has their oun stories justanothergirl ....

    I also know a case through my sister where a lady came to stay in her house due to abuse..The lady hasn't heard of Indusladies at all....

    None of my friends have been in Indusladies .What can we say ?

    All I say is among this Indusladies ,who post their views.... the part of Inlaws side of story is also taken care of by daughters......... and clearly from your post...... you too voice the elders concern through the 200 families you know ....

    That was all the thread is about....Its not like inlaws voice is not there in the forum atall.... that is all....
     
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Janavi
    U asked a question and I answered in earnest. Generalizations were never done. Do not tear words out of context from my post and make statements .

    Out of the thousands of posts here not ONE is from a MIL complaining about her DIL and you are here telling me that PIL are represented through "OUR SIL" just because some of the opinions posted by women here were against the DIL even when glaringly at fault?

    What about all those times when both could be at fault and we hear only one side (DIL)?
    If most DIL were saints u wont have old age homes lady over flowing with neglected old people ! Just open u eyes lady.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2011
  3. 1janavi

    1janavi Bronze IL'ite

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    I asked a question to everyone.....
    Please....... I never tore words out of context from your post. read my posts again.....

    Calling all the 200 families as nice people is a general statement since you say in lot of families the son,DIL's have wronged the parents.

    1janavi wrote :



    See...... , I have answered your point in the earlier post.


    NO ....I donot agree to it.....Sometimes women here are bashed unnecessarily too..... by some members...... but that doesn't have anything to do with this post saying
    SIL( daughters to parents) voices are here in this forum.....

    Now...... I can also keep calling you lady,lady....and also say open your eyes to the sufferings of the young women....

    There are so many young women whose relationship with husbands is damaged or going down the drain to divorce just because PIL's want to have a power struggle with DIL.........

    Atleast in old age home they take care of you... even though strangers....A young women living by herself after divorce with children is even more a struggle....

    You voice out for older generation....I voice our for younger generation....
    Sure we might switch roles too....But what affects us the most personally is what we try to communicate.......

    That is why I said.... even daughters of parents have represented the PIL's views....They see their parents suffering and..... in some way..... do contribute to the threads on those lines.....




    [/QUOTE]
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2011
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  4. incarnation

    incarnation Silver IL'ite

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    You know what I am happy atleast PILs are not much here...you know why....:) ...Because they are already every where...

    They have hijacked all aspects and places in our lives ..why do you want them here tooo .... ;-)

    More on serious note : I suppose it is a world wide and mostly in India a know fact and hence the laws also reflect the social state..That PILs create issues mostly...By saying this I also agree that there are bad apples in DIL's...may be some also become bad apples by learning and accepting that to be correct...

    Like I will put up an incident...
    I was standing waiting for my kids school bus....A lady was there talking on how she cannot let her future DIL snatch away his son...and she feels that way...Now this ladies son is just studying in Junior KG....
    You know people with this mind set or similar or even little less or emotionally insecure,financially unplanned folks, In future turn out to be the devils (Bad MIL's) of the society......
    Just a sincere check "ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE.....?????"
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2011
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  5. 1janavi

    1janavi Bronze IL'ite

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    You are right Inc.I would like to add one more point.....We can think looking at the common INLaws problems and feel "I wouldn't do that " but when we reach the stage of "MIL hood " the problems termed as " MIL problems" will be different with time. All we need to do is ....be sincere in our definition of "non being Bad ".
    Technically " non-troublesome MIL " will not fly with the future generation
    :).
     
  6. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    IMO from what I have seen, most problems arise because of MILs.
    They expect the DIL to be like what they want.
    They fail to understand that the DIL is from a different background and has her own way of living.

    If the husband is happy with whatever his wife is, then why do the MIL want to interfere?
    Let his wife cook her style, dress up however she wants, clean her house daily or once a year, wear slippers in the kitchen, wash clothes her way, wake up late in the morning, don't cook and eat out often. When MIL try to instill their value into the DIL, then comes the unpleasant misunderstanding.

    MIL, you have lived your life. Now please let your DIL and son live their life.
    Care to give advice or help only if asked for or else just mind your own business.
    I wonder whether these ladies realize that they are actually ruining other couples happiness and peace of mind?

    I have never seen a DIL expecting her MIL to change according to her wish. Like asking her MIL to dress up as per the DIL's taste, asking the MIL to learn to cook her DIL's style, etc.

    If all MIL can accept that they have no right to interfere in their son's or daughter's marriage, 99.9% of the problems would be solved.

    So if PILs start posting here, they will come up with things like my DIL doesn't know how to cook, wakes up late, not very tidy, being too affectionate with my son infront others, she's careless with my grandchildren, doesn't listen to my advice, doesn't respect me.. again poking their nose into DILs business!!
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2011
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  7. 1janavi

    1janavi Bronze IL'ite

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    sadwife turned happywife :) ,

    Yes right....There might be posts like you mentioned.

    But nowadays PIL 's are very smart.....They know that if they openly complaint about DIL's they will be told to mind their business.....so they come up with statements like....

    " I don't do anything to DIL....I leave it all to her...." and raise their hands to the sky for god to takecare..... etc....

    like sanjeevni said earlier,

    Daughers do represent parents here and take a point or two back home to suggest their mom on how she can have a good relationship with DIL....from the many points discussed here....

    But.....

    Like I said before , Merely tecnically being "non-troublesome" will not work in future....

    Only when intentions are clear,simple and sincere without any underlying reasons involved for such goodness displayed.....the real PIL-DIL relationship will blossom.

    Just my opinion :)
     
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  8. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Very true. :bowdown
     
  9. 1janavi

    1janavi Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks sadwife.Is that your pic? beautiful!
     

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