Lost my beautiful boy in NICU

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by honeyflower80, Feb 14, 2011.

  1. honeyflower80

    honeyflower80 New IL'ite

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    Hi w4m

    Hru? Am pretty low as usual. And probably lower because I spoke to this HR woman in my ex-company and had a fight with her :) Its funny because I don't feel sad at these things at all any more. You know, its just confirmed that I don't have a job! I'd taken a break but somehow the turn of events has cost me my job too. I mean, a job is the smallest thing in the scheme of things - but you get the idea ..how messed up life is! Last year I had an excellent job and a great baby. Now I have nothing. Of course the latter hurts like hell!

    I just plan to stay at home & grieve out. My husband is supporting me at the moment.

    What do you do w4m?
     
  2. chitrajaraika

    chitrajaraika Platinum IL'ite

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    hi friend

    Thanks i too worried a lot but i cried and got heavy fever but my dh and parents told next baby have to be healthy hence be positive now itself.For a change now i am with my parents.After coming here i am upset but near by house one baby there i played with boy baby and i played with my cousin baby.now i have hope after seeing these babies surely god will bless me and my Dh this time with a baby.Past is Past we cant change it too.Many people gave me encouragement in native. Hence all is well now.

    thanks for your boosting too waitingmiracle
     
  3. Indhradhanu

    Indhradhanu Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Honey,

    Sorry for your loss dear. Try to come of out of this soon. You should be healthy and mentally prepared for your next baby. Cry aloud and make yourself to accept what has happened. No one can change the past, no use in thinking about it and punishing yourself. Don’t worry about your job nobody in this world is having a permanent job. And of course nothing in this world is permanent too. This stage in your life will change dear.. it has to change. Will pray for you dear. Take care and try to follow the tips given by fellow IL ites here.
     
  4. cutekid

    cutekid Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Honeyflower,

    Have tears in eyes.Dont have words to say.Really sorry for ur loss,I lost my baby at 12 weeks & still remember that incident & cry.I cant imagine what you must be going thru.Dont worry about age.Let your body recover & again u will be gifted with healthy,happy child.
     
  5. honeyflower80

    honeyflower80 New IL'ite

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    Dear SuccessMinded, chitrajaraika and cutekid

    I just wanted to say how sorry I'm for you too. As I spend lot of time thinking about my baby, a thousand thoughts cross my mind and at times I remember wishing I'd had just a miscarriage rather than his premature birth. But you know how I console myself, if it was an early miscarriage, I perhaps wouldn't even know if he were a boy, and how he might have looked. I mean, miscarriage is like an early shattering of dream and very very painful.

    I was very worried I was going to have a miscarriage when I conceived. I was so grateful to god as every month passed by uneventfully. I just don't know how to explain all the things - am sure all unfortunate mothers like me here have experienced this.

    I just wish all of us and also the waiting mothers have our babies soon. Its terrible to be empty handed, isn't it? I'm just yearning to hear a newborn's cry and feel his smell and warmth.
     
  6. krk

    krk Junior IL'ite

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    Honeyflower and other ladies in similar situation,

    Your story almost resembles 90% of my past mishappening. Following lines are a short glimpse of happenings in my life.
    Life has been very very difficult for me. I could not concieve at all and had to undergo myomectomy. An year after this and it was 4 years after my marriage that I could concieve. My happiness knew no bounds when I came to know about this good news. All 9 months of my pregnancy were not easy at all. I had major family emergencies during my pregnancy and could not get away with stress. I dont know if I should call myself brave or stupid to have taken this kind of physical and mental stress during my pregnancy. But believe me, I had no better choice. I too had a grand baby shower about 3 days before my waters broke. All of us were so eagerly waiting for my son's arrival and everything came to an end all of a sudden. My son died even before he reached my hands. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I was crying, wailing, could not accept it at all... was thinking is it a dream, why me, and that too after such a long wait and struggle for a baby??? All kinds of questions like many of you have now... And needless to say about the state of my mind. If not for my DH and my parents and in laws, I too would not have lived then. I had almost forgotten to smile and dont remember one day where I had not cried then. Few people and their talks around were hurting me and few others were there helping me come out of my depression. But above all this, the pain I had within me was beyond any measurable limits.

    Since mine was also an emergency C section and due to my past history of myomectomy, I had to wait for an year to TTC again. I just lived through hell and then concieved after an year. This was a twin pregnancy and was not at all easy either. I was extra careful in every step. My kids were born in 33rd week and were in NICU. They fought with life and have come to me. This sentence is too short to describe the phase we all have been in when my kids were in NICU. My twin children, girl and a boy are about 3 years old. People say God realised his mistake and has given back what he had taken back along with bonus. I too feel so many a times. But my lost son and the memories will remain in me for life time. Even now, I have a tear rolling down as I am typing this. I am a very changed person after this incident though.. call it maturity or whatever. I feel I have faced real big problems in life, so whatever comes by now looks atleast manageable... and I tell myself this also will pass...

    I am very very happy for the most wonderful gift of my twin children which I have got.

    Never lose faith.. coz thats what will keep you moving on... May God give you courage to handle such situations and fulfill all your wishes.

    -krk.
     
  7. Vasumathy

    Vasumathy Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    HI Honey Flower,
    Recover soon from the loss. May GOD give you the strength to over come this situation! Take care of your health!

    Hi Krk,
    I have no words for you.. You are great to fight back with those toughest moments. GOD has given the maturity in you in such a tough way...
    Thats true GOD has given back the one who has returned to heaven so early.... Hope your LOs bring back the lost smile in you! Take care. Hugs to you & your LOs!
     
  8. gdd

    gdd New IL'ite

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    Hi Honeyflower,
    Even though if a Mother has some urgent and important work to do, still she will not let her baby in the hands of a person who is not capable to take care of the baby (Capability means both physical and mental). She will rather postpone her work and prefer to give it to the person who is healthy and mentally strong....
    God is like a mother, how can he give a baby to the person, who is depressed, not eating......... he will think if she is not taking care of herself properly then how can she take care of the baby.... rather he will wait.... Dont let him wait....

    So please help God to help you..... Its ok if your are feeling sad or crying, still you can eat healthy food, still you can go for walking, still you can engage yourself in routine work.... I can understand that you cannot control your feelings but you can definitely control you actions (physical work). Dont force your feelings but force your action...... keep your self busy...
    Dont worry your baby will come back soon, may be he is on the way... so now you take care of yourself......
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2011
  9. chitrajaraika

    chitrajaraika Platinum IL'ite

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    honey flower

    your pain is tough one to forget i know it because my cousin lost the baby when she delivered normally.the baby died and came out in 10months.But we all encouraged her and boosting her.

    she cried for many days.some people may hurt too but god gifted a next baby soon after 3months.now his boy baby born and 2 months got over.her engagement was dec 3 and girl baby born and died on the same date of next year.her next boy baby born on dec4th of last year.its her marriage date thats dec4th.

    god taken first baby and gifted a second baby on her wedding day.really her son is lucky

    GOD will gift the babies like a precious gift.dont worry.dont hear what others telling.just join in any classes and divert your mind.
     
  10. honeyflower80

    honeyflower80 New IL'ite

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    @ chitrajaraika : Your cousin's story just reminded me of my son's due date and our wedding anniversary - both were the same date. But with my son gone, you can imagine how we'd lived through the date of our anniversary this time.
    @ gdd : I get your point fully. Thanks.
    @ krk : Would you believe if I tell you I read your story few weeks ago on another forum (you had used the same username)? I was so inspired by your story and in fact saved it, even told my husband about it then. For some reason I was wishing I could chat with you again - and I really find it unbelievable that I found you here least expected. In your story elsewhere, you'd mentioned your babies were 1.5 yrs old. Its really good to know they are both 3 now. God bless them!

    krk - can you tell me how did you live through the 'hell' - after your first delivery until you conceived again?
     

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