I Feel like SINGLE MOM he's never home..SAD:-(

hmm - liek all said here - you need to take a stand. dont take it lying down.

 

Neha
I might belong to a minority but I wanted to tell u what I feel anyway.
Drinking and partying everyday after work is not normal .It need not be tolerated by every wife. I wouldn't. There are wives who might be OK with this and its their personal buisiness. You dont need to or have to . Your DH has to keep this drinking and partying each night into the wee hours to a minimum.
Also I totally disapprove of drinking at home with little ones around. Ur husband is showing signs of addiction. Please state firmly to him that he needs set max or two days a week where he can stay late. Rest of the time he needs to be home at a reasonable hour. IF he feels he cannot be without that drink then thats a sure sign of addiction and he needs to take active steps to control it . Please talk to a doctor or go for counselling. Be very firm on that. Good luck and hugs to u in this difficult time.

 

You poor dear!

Anyway, what exactly does he drink everyday at home? Is it beer or something harder? The reason I am asking is (people might not agree with me), having 4 glasses of beer is not same as having 4 glasses of whiskey, neat. Still, on a work day, its too much even if its beer (according to me).

Another thing is, when he goes out partying, can you say something like, "i dont want you to be drinking and driving anymore. I will drop you off and pick you up"...do you think he will listen? If you babysit him this way, perhaps he would at least reduce it? (assuming you also drive, if not, please ignore this)

Apart from getting expensive (by drinking outside often), he is playing with his life (and others on road) by drinking and driving. Try to make him understand this.

Also, I do not approve of drinking until getting drunk. (not that my approval matters :hide

 

deleted, do not want to comment

 

No one can help except your DH himself.
try to enjoy the time with baby.

Meanwhile try to be nice with DH. Plan something like movie, candle light dinner etc etc .. It does take time dear.
My DH has same drinking prob. Infact he has faced lot of problems bcos of that after drinking and drive. But nothing shakes them.
But now, he has reduced 2 complete night outs to single one. Hope he gets better.

Now, you must engage yourself in something. Watch out some comedy movies after baby goes to bed. believe me it helps. Talk to folks in India.
Dont complaint to in-laws. You will get to hear this .. 'He is unhappy at home so he goes to bar..' .. I had this experience.
So YOU DEAL IT. Have patience and handle it.

takecare..

 

neha,

i completely agree with jag on the above.

in fact i'll go a step further and say the child is not exclusively your responsibility. he as a father has an equal responsibility in bringing up the kid. i know many women who are single moms, but that is because he husbands are travelling on work and so the wife and child are by themselves for weeks together. but that is a completely different matter altogether.

neglecting wife, kid and home for the sake of friends and drinks is not to be tolerated. if that is his main agenda in life, he should not have got married in the first place, leave alone have a kid. i mean, would that kind of behaviour be accepted of a woman who is married and has a kid?

if he is genuinely addicted and has a problem, he needs to be treated. if it is just a case of a man behaving badly, he needs a different kind of treatment.

 

Neha


I dont know whether the issue is resolved or whther you really are feeling better or not..but remember this sometimes you got to tactfully tackle such things...you cant change him over night..so dont expect that.

This saturday...wake up sick!!!! act you are all sick...headache/migraine/stomac ache..or cramps or whatever suits you...just say you are not well and drop the whole stuff as it is..and tell him to handle the kid and call you if he needs any help...sit in the bedroom..have some cofeee and read a book or listen to music..just rest..and rest...or take a loooooooooooong shower...literally pamper yourself...he doesnt have to know what you are doing in the bathroom all he knows is you are sick thats all.

I know it sounds silly to lie ..but some men act only when its URGENT. Its not their fault..because women always feel they are the incharge of the care taking business. we dont let men help us and once men get used to that laziness we again complain...so just drop the whole thing for one day and see how he handles things better than you...do it atleast once in a month...take one day offf...meanwhile you also just leave the kid iwth him when he is at home and go out for a walk or read a book somewhere where you dont see your kid and your husband...stay away from them for a while...if he has to understand hte effort to deal with teh kid and domestic chores, you have to give him taht opportunity. (I have seen men working 18 hrs a day and still coming back home and atleast spending time with their kids and talking to wife aobut how her day was...so dont think because he is working 12 hrs you haev to let him off the hook..having empathy is good..but if this is a daily routine..you and him both have to understand that family /marriage runs with 2 adults helping hand in hand...not with 1 working outside and 1 working inside..both need some cohesion...

 

You will need an impartial person like a marriage counsler to evaluate your situation, and a psychiatrist to determine if he is addicted to alcohol. Addiction needs to be treated professionally, if you are bothered by his drinking then it is a serious problem. You need to make aware of this issue to your parents and inlaws. Women of Indian origin think that they can change their spouses after marriage with patience and love which is a myth, most men change only if they realise what is at stake from my personal experience. Most of the inlaws are decent and are aware of their sons addictions, out of frustration they may blame DIL, we may not know it but they will talk to their sons.

 

Neha...I LIKE this idea. Perhaps by doing this he will realize how difficult it is to care for a young one, maintain the home the whole day and he happily enjoying his time away.