NRI husbands considering Indian wives so cheap - The magnitude of the problem.

Hi IG,

What you said is correct that the NRI husband's treat their wives as cheap...one thing that the wives need to depend on their husband always and i have seen a guy whose wife has studied well and does not want her to go for work...but one of her relative is working in a abroad...he would say to them that my wife is not like you ....she does not have that courage to go for work.....

He takes his wife taken for granted...even other person whom i know ....was so keen that wife should go for work....and so he told a condition that she should study a course for sometime and should speak english well...and the list went on more...forcing their interest to her and not asking what her interest is....it was so pathetic to hear....i have heard that they say love should be unconditional....but if things happen for conditions...will there be love truely????


Uma

 

I don't understand what you are trying to get at with this thread ... we can sit around and make generalizations all day - NRIs treat brides as cheap, bride's parents want NRI son-in-law, some regions more than others...

but like someone else pointed out, statistically speaking there is no way we can draw any conclusions here because we don't know what the numerator and the denominator are.

I guess the best one can do is: to really do your homework before arranging a marriage, let the man and woman spend time together to get to know eachother, don't blindly send your daugher or son to a foreign country, and of course, if you are willing enough - let your son and daughter take the lead in finding their own life partners. : )

 

Well said.

And like you say, statistically there is no way to draw any conclusions like this.

 

FL

You are referring to So many single handed cases...how many SNILs are sponsoring the entire families of wifes?? I have seen so many H1Bs and L1s here forget about GC, and all these men /students marry and want to marry only a girl from India....no idea why ..we have equal # ofgirls in US working and studying...but again as we know parents have to be involved right??? the so called ELDERS !!!so why are you pointing or looking only at the girls parents??? why not the NRIs parents who keep blowing horns that their sons are in US and earn X $ and these parents dont even know whether their son is really working in a office or in a gas station. and the girl after marriage knows the real truth isnt it? and also the NRI guys parents demand so much money claiming that the girl is going to have a great luxurious life so why not the girls parents bend over etc..etc..but the reality is the guy might be sharing his apt all his life and he may not even have a bed for the new bride . So far from the marriages I have known only 20 to 30% of the NRIs have told truth as to how they are living and most of my acquaintences said the guy and his parents showed and said something else and the reality was something else. Even girls from well settle families had to slog so much.

Also about choice a b/w NRIs and local guys, beleive me seems like most of us are still living in some 5 or 10yrs back of time...now a days no one in India cares whether the guy is in US/UK/anyother foreign land or local because the salaries and the luxuries and standardd of living has gone high so much that people are actually asking lot of bridegrooms as to where they want to settle down India/US and if someone says US brides are rejecting these guys.Most of these girls who are marrying localites are visiting other countries during their holiday..so understand that India is not cheap anymore. Also as most their friends or relatives are living in other countries, these youngsters want to marry someone in that country so that they can have some company there...either relatives/siblings etc.

About the girls who are from middle class families with mediocre education, that was such a RUDE comment...I have seen so many women who are full of potential, which old times or century are you talking about I NEVER GET IT. every women who is in US atleast most of them are capable of standing up on their feet given a chance..but most of them dont do either because of husband/inlaws/kids or lack self esteem/confidence.

Coming to girls who came from lower income families marrying a guy from US, tell me, do such lower income family girls stand a chance?? because the guys in US and their parents ACT as if they are some one who came down from sky and put high demands and pressure on girls family and if thegirls family is not tha twell enough or with meagre income as you said, then how can they marryoff their daughter to such families?? On another note., even if they marry off their daughters to someone in US, is it really a RIGHT thing tobe treated inhumane by the guys because they are earning in $???

I totally agree money has value...but if someone just acts totally headstrong based on money and only money...that wont last long..and nothing lasts long for that person and I guess thats what IG is trying to convey about the NRIs.How many NRIs are really well off we too know the truth!! but just the TAG NRI itself makes them act as if they DESERVE some extra attention..is such a crap

I accept that there are cases where women in India also deal with the same problems as women married to NRIs, but the situation here most of the women who are married to NRIs feel their hands are tied as they cant take action or cant run away to their parents/friends because there is always the fear of unknown. Atleast if its home land they can run to their parents or do something if they want to.

Last but not least..Most of these not only happen in arranged marriages, we have seen worst things in LOVE marriages too where theguy claims love for a girl, marries her, they both come here and the guy starts having affair when the wife is pregnant etc...or illtreats her for whatever are her shortcomings.such women cant even share their plight withanyone..

coming to some of the gujarathi and punjabi families they are sooo closely knit, its more difficult for the girl (in arranged marriages) to really run away!! its totally difficult. I had a friend who told me that her SIL and MIL slap her if she opens her mouth and the husband just says mummy is right!!..this girl is housearrested and is treated like a free servant maid..
None of her relatives beleive what shesays so will it matter even if she runs away? so thats the magniture of this nonsense when it happens.

Its not that every girl is dying out of hunger for money and food and that she marries a NRI guy so that he will feed her good nutritious food, gives her all silk clothes and treats her like a queen. I dont think thats the expectation from majorityof the girls out there. They are seeking a spouse, doesnt matter where he is..all that matters is whehter they have less/more...they both live togehter with love and understanding.And we dont have to really undermine someones beleif on Arranged Marriage, let them have their own beleifs but just because they signed upto marry someone who lives in a diff. country doesnt mean that they can be treated as the NRI guy wants, because he got her to this foreign land?? doesnt that sound too unconvincing??

If the girls are marrying just for $ am sure they should leave their husbands as soon as these so called NRI guys are out of project or laid off:idea

IG I know some part of what I have posted may not be related to the threads topic, but I just wanted to make it clear about how people think that marrying a NRI guy means the wife of this guy is going to swim n bathe n eat $$$$ (Before we actually say yes/no we have to understand how many of these so called NRIs have a comfortable place to live and a stable job)

 

I appreciate the idea behind this thread. Hope this thread catches the view of as many young women possible.

I am living in US on and off for 3 years,Its a news to me, I didnt watch news relating to this thread before I have missed it. Thanks, I have not even got a thought about NRIs deceiving category which had caught the attention of two state government. Because I have not heard or seen a case like this where after marriage the bride was abandoned.

But there is this clause, where some time after the marriage the guy (IT job working for an Indian employer) would be asked to continue working at the client location abroad for 6 months or less. So the guys think of financial reasons (might have been staying with bachelor friends sharing a home, bring wife for 6months alone needs leasing a new apartment which could be saved if the wife agrees to stay back for 6 months) and ask their wife to stay back so that they shall come back after that particular assignment. I have never seen anyone of them abandon, they have gone back to live their life with wife & kids happily or if assignment keep on extending they have brought their bride abroad too. (Many of my colleagues used to do that way).

So this thread is to my surprise since I have not known or heard or seen any such cases in my 3 years of life here!!!

 

Spidey its just not about drawing conclusions,
I have heard several cases of girls from India who had committed suicide in US and guess what? the guy or guys parents dont even inform the girls parents about what happened etc...all of them go into some underground anonymity and no reasons for suicide are given.

So the topic is just not some generalization..this topic has been really raised all over India lately and that too people are more scared about NRIs more than ever!! We all talk about background checks etc, really beleive me there are things in marriage that wont be revealed even through a background check. You have to live with that person and know the person in and out to understand what that person really is. and no background checks or references can tell the real truth.

There was a joke on TV also..

S/W engineers are NOT SOFT anymore!!!