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Stop feeling guilty MOMS/Women .....

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by minti, Jan 7, 2011.

  1. minti

    minti Senior IL'ite

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    We are all human and we tend to feel guilty at one point or the other....
    some for being at home and some for being away from home....

    We all have a choice, what we choose is our decision for better or for worse and we need to accept that wholeheartedly and take each day as it comes.

    First n Foremost. What do we all mean by working?? Generally we associate any person who earns as a working person.

    We have categorized ourselves as Working and Non Working Mothers/Women..

    Honestly is there anyone between these two not working?

    No, both are in fact working..one is earning in kind while the other gets a monthly salary and their job roles differs..but the conclusion is both are working and there are no two ways about it and its pointless to discuss them as two diff groups in the first place..

    I feel at both level each individual depending on their personal temperament will be happy or be unhappy about the choices that they have made in their life..

    There is no guarantee that we women are always going to feel happy or unhappy about the choices that we have made..nothing is constant in life except change..

    Some of us have a very happy go lucky attitude towards life and will always find reasons to smile, while some will crib at all given situations in life, while many have a herd mentality which means they will simply follow what they see around them without really knowing what they want out of life..

    The day we sit and really think about what is that we are really seeking in life and take some effort to balance out the differences arising out of our desires and the real situations that we are faced with, we might be able to come to a better understanding with our own self and then be able to take better decisions.

    Yes some of us have all the choices with good family support, while others have no choice and are forced to take a certain path in life which necessarily might not be something that they wish to do..

    Guilt feeling is something that all women face...some for being away from their kids and some for being away from their dreams..

    Many a times we might be physically present in the situation but mentally wishing for something else..

    At the end of the day, we all need to first love ourselves and only then can we love any other human being..

    Yes a mother is born the day she gives birth to a Child but the "Me" in her is also alive and kicking..

    Balance is key to each and every relationship.

    Those who know this mantra are able to have a fairly happy life..while others are generally stressed out.

    So may be instead of looking at the problems we can try and look for solutions to get ourselves out of the misery..

    As they say, if the problem is in our life, so is the solution to that problem lies with us..

    I hope we women learn to respect each others choices and give each other a hand to go through tough situations in life which have arisen due to the stress of nuclear family set up and the mad rat race in which we all knowingly or unknowingly are participants..
     
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  2. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Well said Minti.

    There is no right or wrong in choosing between being a homemaker or an earning member. The person in the situation is the best judge, sometimes with a little help, to make a choice.

    -Lakshmi
     
  3. asha_karthik

    asha_karthik Silver IL'ite

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    Lovely one Minti !
    A thought that I always had, but couldn't have expressed it so well. This is a friendly note to all the mommies here.. stop feeling guilty and you ll do a much better job at your workplace and at home. :thumbsup
     
  4. minti

    minti Senior IL'ite

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    thank you lakshmi. yes each person is the judge of their own situation, no two ways about it:)live n let live is my motto of life.
     
  5. minti

    minti Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Asha..yes we all need to stop feeling guilty and start enjoying life:)
     
  6. sonasanju

    sonasanju Silver IL'ite

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    Very True Minti..

    What we are today is by our choice..
    I had taken a break for a year when I was five months pregnant..I njoyed the time with my kiddo thereafter..I was a complete homemaker..
    You be a homemaker or you go to office..you work equally..
    I used to be more tired when I was at home since some or the other work used to pop up...
    Now I am off to work with my kiddo in the creche..
    I still remember the day , 7 months back when my kiddo went to the creceh for the first day..It was very difficult for me..But I was mentally prepared for this day..
    My hubby always tells me..
    " If you own your choices you own the consequences too"
    So likewise, I know I am away from my kiddo..and m missing many things in the 8hrs that he is away from me..I try to make it up after I reach home :)

    So I am happy that I am doing justice to my career as well as trying to cope up things @home :)

    3 cheers to all women out there!!

    Sona
     
  7. minti

    minti Senior IL'ite

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    hi Sona, good to know your back to working and doing justice to your career as well as trying to cope up things @home :). Its really nice to see someone, who respect her decision and enjoys life, rather than feeling guilty. Wishing you happiness always.
     
  8. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Minti,
    this is what exactly I tell my friends who work. Don't feel guilty. I was working in central govt. and took a few years leave to take care of my son. Then I worked on and off and then finally resigned as I needed to be there for my son full time. That was a decision I took with my whole mind and do not regret it even a minute. My son had grown up to be a young man and that itself is a great reward. But mine is a different story.
    If one has got the oppurtunity to work and is interested to, then one should work without feeling guilty about separating from the child. If we had wanted to be with our parents always, we would not have married and moved out. Same way, one should feel that we are doing it for the kid and for ourselves too.
    My niece is on the family way and it seems that she may have to be home after the child is born. I am telling her to hone her skills before the baby grows up a little, send it to school and start working.
     
  9. minti

    minti Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Varloo..sadly most women tend to feel guilty, they do not realize that by feeling unhappy they are unable to do justice either to their work or their family. Your advise to your niece to hone her skills is very correct. Instead of missing work, she can really increase her knowledge in the area of her interest and keep herself abreast with her industry, so even after a break, she will feel confident to go ahead and restart her career again..Best wishes to her, hope she takes your advise seriously and acts upon it.
     
  10. sahelisinedison

    sahelisinedison New IL'ite

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    Great post Minti. It is more important to follow what ones heart and mind says in a given situation and then be happy about it. Often I have seen people measuring themselves against others and this leads to the constant feeling of insufficiency. I think we have to accept our choices with pride and then enjoy the experience, we all deserve it!
     

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