Really big issue!

You dont do anything for now...just let things settle down...be calm and apologize to your husband on behalf of your sister. Also after couple of days, tell your sister how it has affected you and your husband and how you are thinking of her well being and how you want her to be part of your family too and make her understand your view point...and tell her to apologize to your hsuband.

Dont try to push all this at this time. This is not the time to do it because everyone is very high on their emotions...so just cool it..and you relax for a while..eventually things will calm down and eeven your husband will understand how can he expect a nice behaviour from a schizophrenic perrson...

but again you got to ensure your sis is getting the right medication. this physical and verbal abuse wont be good for you or your husband down teh line and it may hurt your marriage...start looking at alternate arrangements like first of all medication for her, and then see how you want to manage things if she stays with you guys...

 

I don't think you should do anything for the time being.

You are saying that your sister is schizophrenic. I have an Autistic nephew and he displays a few traits which can be classified as highly emotional and paranoid many times. So, I am speaking from experience in a child needing special assistance.
I think you will have to try to understand her. Its not her wish to say hurtful things to your DH. It is the neurodevelopmental disorders which is causing her to say/do a few things.

Having said this, is she going for any therapy?

I also recommend that you read about this schizophrenic disorder, if you have not done so already. It will help you and your DH to understand her and deal with the situation with out (or with minimal) provocation from her side.

 

luc,

Calm down..do something that relaxes you for a while, takes your mind off whatever is going on.

Please don't bash yourself for having a "less than perfect" family. Every family has it's own stories. I can totally understand how you feel when you confide in your husband, thinking he is a non-judgemental person, only to hear all of it come out and hurt you when he wants to be mean.

One thing I can advise you is - stop feeling apologetic or conscious about your family. Love them anyway. Don't worry about what your husband or inlaws think of your family. The only person to whom they really matter is you.

Your sister has issues. All you can do is apologize to your husband. Don't keep apologizing. People should understand that such things are not in one's control. Next time, make sure he is not in the picture when your sister is having one of her emotional meltdowns.

Above all, please develop a thick skin. Things that make us feel bad will continue to hurt us, unless we stop thinking about them.

As your sister gets older, it will be hard for any of you to help her. I really hope you can somehow get her schizophrenia to manageable levels. Good luck.

 

Luc,

Girl Chill!!. Take a deep breathe..
About your sis - Stop arguing with her. Whenever she gets irrational, ignore her. Dont reply. Dont bother even her existence untill she gets sensible and polite. Be upfront and tell her you are disinterested in an arguement. Dont say a word further till she gets back to normal. Be clear that getting physically abusive is not acceptable and that she cannot blame her schizophrenic disorder for hitting you. Same goes true to you - promise yourself that you'll never get physical with her. When she starts to argue ignore her and leave the room.

About her cursing your husband - Let your husband handle it. Make it clear to him that you cannot take responsibility for your sister's behavior. Let your sister deal with it. You take a neutral stand, dont go to support your sister infront of your husband and make excuses - like she is schizophrenic.

You have to be clear to your in-laws that their daughter (your SIL) is a grown up adult and she has to be responsible for her life. She needs to earn her bread and not you or your husband need to earn for her.

Is this something to get tensed about?.. You need to let it go.

Wish you good luck to find a job soon and move out of your parents place and enjoy your life together.

 

Dear luc,
first calm down yourself. I can imagine how you are being sandwitched between your husband and sis , not able to make understand either of them. B cos your sis cannot be blamed for her illness and your husband for no fault of his. But please apologize to him on your behalf. Even I have an uncle who is mentally disabled someties he talks so much harsh words that I cannot withstand and respond with same harsh words. But after the heat I feel sorry for him b cos he cant be blamed as he is mentally retarted. But I have my responcibility towards him. Most of the times he cannot understand us and so we have to understand him and having a family member who is mentally handicapped is really tough situation. I used to have prob with my mil also in the beginning. But after coming to this problem and talking to my cousin I understood that my mil problem is not a big issue when compared to may horrible problems faced by ladies in this forum and compared to some of my cousins. So I ignored my mil problem. Dear luc, even I faced the similar prob that mil used to open my suitcase without my permission I used to get very angry due to such problems bcos in my house none will touch others items or clothes. But after talking to my sil she told that they never know that .She told her mom to not to touch my things hereafter. I donno how my mil toook this matter. But you have abigger issue dear . So leave this small issue. Can you tell your DH to convince her that taking others things with out their permission is bad maners? Then take our forum members advice as how to show your sis to the doc . B cos if this is ignored in future it might become intolerable for even your parents and you to handle her in advance stages. So look into that matter. And dont ever thing that you have a disturbed family. now a days most of them are having da. It all depends how you can handle it and see god had given you with a wonderful hubby, So build your bond more strongly.

nidhisai

 

Luc,
I might come across as harsh but in all your posts, you are coming across as ME ME ME person. I mean, you are saying that you are living with your parents and they are helping you out until you find a job right? They are even giving you money right? Tell me, are you looking for some job which is suitable as per your education, it might take a while. Did you guys at least consider working in some small jobs (at least one of you) and get pocket money or something?
You don't mind depending on your parents at all, including staying with them and taking their money but you have issues when your SIL takes erasers from her brother? I know what she has done is wrong. She should have first asked you but I don't think you should hold it against her for that. More than likely this is what she has been doing with her brothers stuff and is not sensible enough to realize that you will have an issue with that. If you could politely tell her that you dont appreciate it, I am sure she will listen. Take a chance on her and talk to her.

Also, what is wrong if your SIL asks her brother what he is getting for her from US? My sis also asks me what I am getting for her. I am sure you wouldn't mind if your sis asks you what you are getting from India for her. I don't see anything wrong with that either. Of course you can set a limit, like $35 is the max or something like that. If you dont want to take her anything at all also, you will need to tell her that. As for satisfying her luxurious needs, you will have to tell her that you cant afford it, considering you yourself are depending on your parents right now.

BTW, sorry if its coming across as personal but how are you able to afford a plane ticket and all without having a job?

Edit: I am sorry if I misunderstood your post in anyway. I dont mean to offend you or anything.