Will this be called cheating?

Rakhii,

In your mind using the above word might be simple and doing some silly thing back but in some ones mind could have deep impact of it and you never know.
As you already told your husband history and these things could hurt him internally.Anyway you can't change the past but prevent the future damage and don't feel guitly about it.
Even my main issue also,don't know how to talk back in consturctive manner without upsetting on the spot.

Last night incident in my house:
Each and every time DR would advise to keep humidifier in the house during the winter.But somehow my husband dislikes too much.Don't know the reason.So I yesterady I started the humidifier and his immediate reaction was either you take out this humidifier or I will sleep in other room.What does he expects me to say?I don't want to hurt him by blindly tell him to sleep other room(I really don't care) and beleive me he is one stubborn guy and doesn't care about others.
Basically I took and put it in other room.There are so many incidents where he doesn't adjust nor understand other person feelings.Whatever he says is right or he forces things on me.
He may come back eventually or show me ways to deal with it.But on the spot he would use that kind of words where force people to do things.
I really hate it.

 

Fine. That much of trust is always good.

 

why are you afraid of him like this..is he your teacher or someone give you punishment if you do anything wrong..he is your life partner...speak to him with courage..if you dont want to tell him anything about your licence matter till you get it..just leave the topic..if he is a kind of man yelling at you all the time..let him yell after you get the licence..till that you will get peace of mind..now you should concentrate only getting licence..if you want to slove the other problems with your DH just postpone the test for some time..fist talk with your DH..get into your peaceful life ..automatically you will get the licence in first attempt..

 

Rakhi,

Dont brood too much on how your husband would react on this. Clearing the driving test is more imp. now. Are there no instances where your DH would have hid something from you and when you later understand the circumstances and forgive him? You can tell your DH later that your confidence was shaken and if he is reasonable he would understand. Well if he is not reasonable, then how long can u go on appeasing him on everything even when u know he is not right always?

 

Dear Rakhii,

Read your post and all the replies...Was able to relate with you totally!!

If I were you I would:

1. Take the test WITHOUT telling him, whenever I am confident of passing it.
2. And not tell him about it even after I clear the test.
3. If for some reason, he himself brings the topic up and tries to act smart or ridicule me, then throw the license on his face and ask him to shut up about it and not open his mouth again about this topic.
4. If and when such a show down happens, tell him that I want to talk to him about his behaviour towards me and tell him exactly what I thought of him!!

I don't know why some husbands think their wife is there to put up with any kind of silliness or nonsense from them. You want to start giving him back a few doses of his own medicine. I am not telling you to be verbally abusive, but learn to answer back if you think the yelling is unwarranted from his side.

Also, another sincere advice would be for you to rethink a few hundred times before you want to plan for a baby with this guy!! If he can be so mean and hurt you for such small things are not clearning driving test, I shrug to think how he will behave when you really need his support. And take it from me, parenting is not exactly an easy job, more so for the mommy....

About me - got my license about five years ago, but never had the necessity to drive, so there was a long gap and soon lost confidence. After five years, wanted to start now, but DH kept saying that I can never drive again particularly on busy streets. So, without telling him, started driving to nearby areas all by myself. Today, when my daughter and DH were taking a nap, went all by myself to walmart (thats in a very busy intersection, and he kept saying I would never be able to drive in that area) to pick up a few things. He was sooooo surprised when he woke up to see all my shopping, but did not respond. Good for him!! The experience has given me so much confidence now!!

Good luck for the driving test, Keep us posted on what is happening.

Will definitely include you in my prayers.

Take Care,
G

 

Hey rakhi

According to my guess u r Dh may have an inferiority complex and self defensive and also he is very egoistic man i think.becoz of u know abt all his background,he dont want to take any blame abt his past by you.so thats y he is yelling at u for silly reasons.

I dont know my point is right or wrong but becoz he was brought up in a very bad atmosphere phsycologically his attitude towards women might have a wrong ideas becoz of his MOM AND DAD.if u also hurt him then it will take him to any wrong way.

Regarding u r driving test,explain u r situation and tell him that u r getting nervous when he is with u diring the driving test,still he yell at u then u do what u r doing now.but if u dont tell again u r giving him a chance to blame u life long.he will say u hide this what ever that reason may be,what and all u r hiding from me???,till the past he was blaming u just for silly reasons,but if u hide this driving thing from him i think he will turn the plate and he will blame u for everthing.

I think indian guy has some point.Correct me INDIANGUY iam right or wrong.i dont want rakdi to get into more trouble.

And another sincere advice to u Rakhi,pls do meditation and relax u r self

Swetha

 

Hey Rakhi,

Dont blame him.its like how u put needle in the banana.tell him that its u r problem,that u r feeling demotivated,nervous,......in his presence.do u understand? what iam saying? if u keep on yelling there wont be any solution for this.u be calm even he yell at u.the physcology is if husband yell at their wife,whatever silly reason they blame on their wife is accepted but wife yell on their husband whatever big reason u give not accepted.try to be calm honey.thats always good

Its ok to tell him that u r driving and going to take the test all alone.its ok and in a calm manner.i know its very very very tough situation but slowly let him understand u r thoughts and feeling.for that u shd be very calm and quiet then only u will have the patient to explain him.read my previos post again.

Dont worry things will become alright soon.my prayers for u.

Swetha