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Another drama

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by akruti9, Sep 23, 2010.

  1. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    I sometimes think posting here and constantly reading replies and analyzing only makes it worse since you cannot free yourself of these "tensions". I cant see anything new that ILites are giving in terms of advice, so the thing to be done is to take a look at the vast amounts of advice that has already been given and try to put some of that into practice.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2010
  2. Tanujam30

    Tanujam30 Silver IL'ite

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    That she said something this ridiculous is bad in first place & your response is worse:spin. Come on ! seriously ?? you are actually giving this importance??

    I read all your threads & it looks like at home you spend all your time being bothered by your IL's & in office you spend time reliving, writing about them & discussing those moments. Sometimes the more you think about things they feel to be bigger & bigger problems. Keep a perspective of such things. If you keep thinking about them & what they did/said ALL the time when are you going to live your life? You are lucky to be able to get out of the house everyday. Use that time to be rid of them instead of being possesed by them. Please dont feel I am trying to belittle your problem. NO. I absolutely understand you are under immense stress due to your IL's behaviour. We have no control over what situations life throws at us. But you DO have control over how you deal with it. You have a great husband who handles his parents & tries his best to deal with them. Appreciate THAT. You have the great fortune of having a little life in you. Celebrate THAT.

    NO ONE can steal your kids from you.

    NO ONE can decide for you how many kids youll have much less what their gender will be & definitely not distribute your kids out like laddoo pedas. Come on yaar. You are an educated working women. EVen thinking like this is unreasonable.

    You dont need to do anything to stop her becasue she CANNOT do what she plans. I think she just says these things to make you mad & you promptly fall in the trap getting all worked up.

    Go have fun in office. Get a smoothie. Read a PG wodehouse novel & laugh. Make your baby happy. Dont get worked up about everything & anything ur ILs say.
     
  3. vandannav

    vandannav Senior IL'ite

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    hi

    I have been reading all of your posts,girl do not take things to heart, i mean it.

    let me tell you,i understand your emotions,trust me,i have been there,i had my share of problems all these years and today i say with confidence, i have come out with flying colors and won the last battle,my husband lost that confidence on my MIL,could any thing be worse for her than this from her own children,i hope at least now she behaves according to her age.have a pure heart and trust GOD,that's what i did,with each misunderstanding and fight with MIL,i did talk to her tried to do everything according to her,but nothing could satisfy her.i told myself, i will not cry nor get dishearten with her arguments,what ever she said i had a polite and more mature answer, did not really care for the language she used and curses she said,trust me at last even your husband will get irritated with there behavior very soon.For me, my dh and our baby comes first.one more important thing,handle situations as they come ,do not try to anticipate,judge the situations before hand.

    Looks like your husband is doing his best to support you,that's good,that day will come when your husband would say ,enough is enough with his folks.Nothing is more important that your health right now.somebody told at least you have got job to go to,i was at home all the time.remember you need to be mentally and physically strong to come out with flying colors.GOD is great.

    bye
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Akruti

    Please read what Spidey has said! I am in total agreement with him:thumbsup
    See you are pregnant and what your inlaws say/do, what your parents want/think, what your husband says /does shouldnt matter to you. I know its tough to isolate things this way...but atleast when your husband is supporting you, you shouldd really stop letting all this crappy talks and thoughts affect you.

    Your MIL seems like a big time crazy woman. she doesnt know what she talks. so are we going to take all these seriously and start crying and upset your mood? NO. you shouldnt.

    even if his mother wants your baby, will your husband be ready to give it to her? I dont think so.

    All I told you is WAIT. Let her go back to India..till that time WATCH THE SHOW. keep telling yourself, you wont see her again till your delivery. Take one day at a time. Dont respond or react. Dont keep thinking etc.

    But you want to fix, resolve, and teach them a lesson at this point of life itself where you dont have the energy or the stable mind to handle these fights. you cant argue or explain to them as it needs lot of patience and words. why do you want to waste all your energy on them? isnt it a waste? is it worth? ask yourself

    No matter how much ever we write here, every day you would find one thing that might make you feel down, not just you, I was upset today morning becuase of something, but if I carry it forward, it would have been the worstest day, what do I do?? I just do something that lifts my mood, and move on with the day.

    Try to divert your thoughts and attention. Think positive and good. talk to nice people who would amkeyou laugh or watch some funny youtube videos or listen to melodious love songs...keep your mood up all the time.
    Feeling down is not bad, but making it like a obsession is bad.

    Dont try to fix your inlaws issues now...this is not the time..pregnancy is NOT the time to fix inlaws issues.
     
  5. nishatw

    nishatw Senior IL'ite

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    Hi akruti, please come out of self-pity and be strong, i wonder how could u live with this for the past 5 yrs. I think it's high time u come out of this and start thinking abt ur baby instead. There are so many daughter-in-laws who suffer because of their mother-in-law or sister-in-law or whatever. I myself have gone thru a divorce because of an abusive husband and greedy in-laws. I could overcome easily all those because i had made up my mind in such a way that i thought it hurts my ego to cry because of people who don't care for me. If they don't want me today i didn't want them from yesterday itself. That's the mentality i kept while going through the divorce procedures. It took me 3 yrs to get divorce and
    my case had reached the Supreme court of india since my ex-husband and in-laws didn't want to give me divorce or return the money which they had cheated from my parents. Now i am married again to a loving guy and we lead a happy and peaceful life with our kid in my belly. I am 6 months pregnant. Now too i get calls and mails from people related to my ex-husband since he had done so much money laundering. But i know i have not done anything bad to anyone and nothing bad can happen to me.
    If u want a detailed story i can even give u that. U cant even imagine what i went thru that too being very far away from my parents. I escaped from there without telling anyone and came to my parents safely. There are people with worse stories to tell. It's none's business that how we handle the situation. None can help u apart from u urself. Think that none can control ur happiness apart from you, yourself. Your happiness and peace of mind should be in ur hands. And now u r just in the initial stage of ur pregnancy. Why cant u think abt having a healthy baby and eat good food and take good rest. I dont think u like my advice or suggestion since i never got any response to it. Whatever, i don't like people who live in self-pity. Just write the names of the people whom u give more importance in life in order. I think the top name will be ur mother-in-law! because u think only abt her all the time. Just give birth to one baby first and then think abt other babies. Having babies and how many number or whether girl or boy nothing is in ur control so why to worry unless u go for artificial means of producing babies!

    I know i am harsh but seeing ur messages daily like this i am getting mad at u!
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2010
  6. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Nisha I am not upset by your email. I agree with you that I am being silly. I’ll try no one to affect me as much as possible. I am not like this for the past 5yrs if yes then you would have saw me here for the past 5 yrs. Maybe pregnancy is making me look things worse. Anyways, I’ll try to come out of it.
     
  7. nishatw

    nishatw Senior IL'ite

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    Akruti, u will definitely have mood swings during pregnancy due to changing hormones, on top of that if u think only about negetives then ur BP will shoot up and it will affect the baby only! if something bad happens then u won't be able to forgive urself. then also ur mil will blame u only. So think who will be at loss!
     
  8. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear friends,

    Thanks for all of your help. Finally this Friday my FIl is leaving my MIL will stay for 2 more months and wants to come back in April for my delivery. I have given up my Parents have given up. I am not even asking my H about bringing my parents since I did it a lot and it is not in his hands, he says the best I could do is bring your parents next 6 months after my parents leave for which also I am not sure. He is just telling that for time being to make me feel good as I am “pregnant”. But things are nothing new. Only thing is I am accepting all of the crap of My MIL and ignoring everything. By god’s grace since it is my second trimester I got my energy back and luckily I don’t have to depend on her. Relay some people can be so SADDIST literally that is the word that is a perfect fit here just because her daughter suffered without her mom during her deliveries in US My inlaws want me to suffer. I can even consider her as she is old, illiterate and stubborn but how come my sis inlaws who are young who is educated who was in US for 14 years still thinks the same that her Mil came for her delivery that’s why MY MIL should come to my delivery?? Strange people but thanks to all of you. I am big time learning the act of ignoring and trying to stay positive and rest leaving it to GOD. Hopefully he will do some MIRACLE or if not then it is my Karma. I have to face it. Fighting, Crying, Arguing, convincing my H everything is in vain nothing will work out.
     
  9. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    , he says the best I could do is bring your parents next 6 months after my parents leave for which also I am not sure. He is just telling that for time being to make me feel good as I am “pregnant”. I see a ray of light at the end of the tunnel. Why are you not cashing in on it. So, what if your parents can come after IL's leave, You will still have quality time with your parents.
    Anyways Don't worry now.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2010
  10. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Akurti,
    I want to tell you one important thing. The little bean growing inside you is learning new things everyday. Psychological wiring is also happening inside. I am not saying a child;s personality is decided totally in the womb, but the foundation definitely happens there. Your mindset now, your thoughts and your actions will form the basis for your childs mindset in future. Please be positive and strong.

    Coming to your MIL, see after the delivery, you and MIL will be at home, DH will be at work. Dont do anything at home. Get up at 6 or 7 am, quickly make some food (for lunch and dinner too) and go back and sleep. If MIL wants to play with the baby, let her go ahead...you take rest...eat when you feel like. You can finish all your work in 2 hrs flat. Cooking 1 hr, giving yourself and baby a bath another 1 hr..thats it. Sweet talk DH into doing the dishes and laundry...act as if your MIL is non existent...you need to be a smart drama queen to get along with nasty MILs. If your SIL suffered, its her foolishness. You dont become a fool...Even better, get her to do the 'help' she is there for...nicely tell her...Mommy, please make some coffee/tea for me also when you make for yourself....mommy I made dal, can you please complete the rest of the cooking as I have severe back pain? ..act as if you are very weak and u are having severe pains etc....Gods grace, if you have normal delivery, you will be normal in 2-3 days... but tell them u have back pain or something... If she complains to DH saying you are making her work, tell him.. 'Darling, you know, how much I hate to take help from your mom... but doc told me to take rest and I have severe back pain...I am not able to stand for 10 mins...I'll get better in a few months time..till then I need some help..thats y I said I'll bring my parents...tell me what we'll do now"

    For every problem, there is a smart solution Akruti...I learnt this from my MIL... visualize your future months to come the way you want them to be...then think of ideas to make it true...if you visualize suffering in the hands of MIL, your mind will not give your any ideas!!

    Cheer up girl, be strong and bold....show you MIL what it is like to come and help after delivery...she will never want to come for your next delivery I bet ;)
     

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