Almost two decades ago as a young mother in a new country I was slowly getting morose and wallowing in self-pity. I was getting impatient with my very young sons. This was a new me-I was always known for my inner strength and immense patience! Seeking some kind of direction I turned to God - onedayI read this article in the newspaper by the late Erma Bombeck. Ever since I became the person I used to be and focused on nurturing, enjoying, and valuing my children. No more self-pity and no work was beyond my capacity any more. I started to find joy in every aspect of life. Today my children have left home for college and the last sentence simply states how it is now. Here it is for you: "OK. One of these days you'll explode and shout to the kids, "Why don't you grow up and act your age?" ...and they will. OR: "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do. And don't slam the door!" ......and they don't. You'll straighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy -- bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say out loud, "Now I want it to stay this way.''...and it will. You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say, "Now, there's a meal for company.'' ...and you'll eat it alone. You'll say: "I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do your hear?''...and you'll have it. No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghtetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around. No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms. No more iron-on-patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, or rubber bands for ponytails. Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap. No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape. Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility. Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?'' and the silence echoing, "I did." ...Erma Bombeck
Dear Kamala, Truly touching article. I finished reading it with tears in my eyes. My parents, my kid brother, and me were living in a very small home without enough room for anything. My mom and dad made sure we had plenty of love. After we got job, my dad built a house with 3 floors. We all grown up and came out of the house. Now they both are living there alone, waiting for the moment when the mobile rings. Waiting for the half an hour update from us. Looking around all the space they got without us. The article you shared made me think of my parents (which I always regret that I left them alone and living in diff country) and it kindled my guilt again.. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Oh Dear Tulip lover! Sorry kanmani! I did not mean to make you cry! Yes, that was my reaction but it opend my eyes to the value of life! Just wanted young mothers to enjoy their little ones without being overwhelmed by sleepless nights and wet diapers! My parents too are alone in India! I am a recipient of so many caustic comments from my relatives because of this. I am now in the sandwich generation - torn between my parents on one side and my children on the other. We have all spread everwhere in this world seeking means of livelihood! That is the only way I look at this situation! There is no permanent solution to this because it involves not only us but our husbands, their jobs, and our futures too! Please be happy!
I feel the same. I got caught between 2 kind of culture and generation. One wanted to stay with elders and cater their needs. another one sees the growth of friends, colleagues and dont want to stay behind. Nor waste the education and oppurtunities... Even they think that its best for me here, they feel bad many times that I shouldn't had Engineering degree. Sometimes I feel that too, if I would have stopped with school and married somebody in next street of my parents home, life would be so much easier. Things are always green on the other side.
Hi Kamala, You are right we are in a sandwich generation. My mom is back home by herself. My brother looks after her but still I feel guilty. My kids are in University, but close to home. I am not at peace till they are all back. Your article surely opened my eyes more; soon I too will end up with a clean house and very little to cook; and unlimited sleep. I dread those days. Thank you for your article. I will be a different person. ( lets see for how many hours!)
Dear Kkrish, That is a very touching article you have posted here. Thanks for sharing it with iLites. To be frank , I do not feel that I am separated from my parents at all.I visit India quite often and call them frequently, chat with them, show pictures , take them on tours.So I just feel that I am staying a block away from them..I still tease my mum that you should be so happy that everyone has left now and you have all the time in the world to watch your favourite TV programmes:crazy:crazy .She blinks and says," Where , you keep coming every 3 months with a list of items for me cook, buy, teach, where do I find time even now " But what you have written is so true.There was emptiness in the house when we all siblings have left.Now my mum eagerly waits for the arrival of someone and fortunately there is someone or the other visiting. Really nice article with profound truth.
Dear kkrish, An amazing article!!!!! The last lines brought tears to my eyes. As I read thru' I could visualise and identify myself sometimes ....all the silence order we crave for , comes manifold when the kids leave home and sure remind us of the happy times that have passed. This article has got me thinking!!!!!! Happy that I have lot more time to enjoy the oatmeal kisses and toothpick presents!!!!! Thanks for posting thearticle. Viji
Dear Tulip lover Don't be hard on yourserlf. You may think this would have happened that could have happened but at every moment we make decisions in life's journey. Always we come across forks in the road-we never will know what is in the road we did not take. It may have been good or not. So take life as it comes and be happy! Just remember all who have left their motherland feel the same pain and guilt - but we all made the decision and must face it. Take care and be happy!
Dear KKrish, [JUSTIFY]Yes its time to realise what our parents did.My mom dint used to scold us,not even once.I & my brother make her life hell during childhood.We used to fight like cats & dogs & now I realise how on earth she had so much patience.Now casual she asks why you dint fight with your brother ah?Only when you both fight I feel our house is normal.:rotflMaybe she is recollecting what we used to do before & feel satisfied or reliefed that she has crossed that phase. [/JUSTIFY]
Dear kamala, That was really touching. Thanks for sharing. Since my daughter too has left for university this is what I keep telling my young friends here…....that children grow up too fast. Btw have you read Erma bombecks "Family – the ties that bind…..and Gag" It is HILARIOUS and all mothers will just love it.
