I have read posts about R2I, pros & cons of R2I. This is for those ladies who decided to stay abroad. (1) What were the factors that you considered before deciding to stay abroad and not R2I (2) If you have child(ren) - do you feel the education in the country wherever you are is better than India. Was this also a factor that you considered while deciding to stay abroad. (3) In continuation with point no. 2, what about the cultural differences and its exposure to children. (4) This is especially for those who have stayed for a long duration abroad, whose children have grown into adults and living an independent life - do you feel that you took the right decision in staying abroad? Did children really get more benefits staying abroad (if this was a part of decision-making). (5) Any regrets for deciding to stay abroad. I am in the confused lot right now. Please share your thoughts.
I have seen my cousins who have grown up abroad and some are married(to non-Indians), some are in college etc. One thing I will tell you is they are not Indians - so do not expect children to be "Indianish" if they grow up abroad, thats hypocritical. They are very nice people, but they are not Indians, they are either Americans or Britishers or Australians as the case maybe. Sure, they have a "mix" - some of the Indianism since their parents are Indians originally, and parents have grown up in India etc just like us. So, definite difference in culture - that is not necessarily a bad thing, just a different thing. So, if you strictly want only Indian environment upbringing then you need to consider R2I. If you are ok without that, then you can bring them up in any country. PS: There will always be exceptions where children grow up abroad and still very "Indianish". Those are exceptions, and I'm not even sure if thats a good phenomenon. Children should fully submerge into the environment they are growing in, thats the best for them. So, if you want them to be "Indianish", then relocate to India, since "neither here, nor there" is an extremely confused state.
Hi Spiderman, Thanks for the reply. In our situation, kids getting adjusted to their surroundings and mingling with different people is not a problem. I prefer to return to India, for my parents and PILs sake. Ofcourse, my love for Bengaluru seems to be pulling me to India. On the other hand my DH is of the thinking that if we stay here, kids get more opportunities in terms of education, higher education, job opportunities, etc., This is not a convincing reply according to me. I always wonder is it not possible that children could return to USA or wherever if they would like to pursue their higher education or for work. I am so confused about this and worry that my desire to be in someplace should not hurt my children's future. I hope you are able to understand my concern.
Oh another thing is regretting later that "anyway children would have found ways to return abroad. I wasted my time here instead of being in India". So far I have not met anybody thinking this way. But just looking at all possibilities. A couple of days back, I met a lady who is living in USA for the last 27 years. She was telling me "4 years is too less a time to fall in love with another country and not think of returning to India. It took 10 years for me to get over home-sickness. Now I don't want to go back to India". I guess the more I think about this, the more I am getting confused.
1. The 'more opportunity in terms of education, job etc' is 1990s way of thinking. Today there are plenty of opportunities in education, jobs, growth etc in India. I dont think the 1990s situation is the same today. 2. Yep, kids can come back to US for education or profession if they choose to do later. Coming from India to US for kids born in US is not a problem at all.
No words of wisdom from me, but I could relate my friend's R2I story to your situation. Our friend's son was exceptionally bright and the school here in US went out of the way to encourage him and challenge him with advanced materials. My friend wanted to r2i, but had serious doubts about whether she was doing a disservice to her son. She did think that he had much better educational prospects if they stayed here. Anyway she R2Ied two years back. She is definitely not happy with Indian schools. The schools with really high standards are the traditional schools. Her son does have to do 3 hours of homework and are judged by test scores and nothing else. However she loves that he now has lots of friends and is close to family and such. She is still searching for the right school, but is really happy that she R2Ied because of all the close ties he has developed with relatives. He still wins all kinds of math competitions in India and I have no doubt he would come back to US for an ivy league college or something. But the things he gained socially are priceless. So, in short, I agree with you that you dont have to stop R2I just for the sake of opportunities in the US. Good luck!
Amitha, This is a difficult topic since there are so many different factors to consider when thinking of staying abroad or returning to India. I agree that 4yrs is way too short to decide if you like US (I presume you are in) or not. I left India as a teenager and took time to adjust (tough age to leave all your friends/hobbies etc!!!). First 3 yrs, I thought I would return after my education etc. It's been 30yrs now and I am happy to be in NA. I have family in US but parents/ILs/some siblings are in India. The pull is there but I satisfy that with visits to India every 2 yrs if possible. My son is a teenager and I wouldn't displace him now. He loves his cousins/aunts/uncles in India even though he sees them infrequently. He sure loves family! As for education etc. one of my siblings moved to India when US born kids were 10 and 4. It was a hard transition despite the kids speaking Indian language very fluently. They went to very good schools in BLR but had to change frequently since parents were looking for US style instead of memorizing/cramming/test scores only matter kinda schooling. After 7yrs in India, they returned and kids miss India but they like it in the US! One thing I want to say here that's very important. If parents want to move to India for the sake of their kids, make sure you discuss their wishes first (if they are old enough). If they are quite young, they will adjust. But otherwise, they will hate you for displacing them and telling every one that you did it for them when they never asked you to move to India!!! If you want to go back, do it for yourself and don't use kids as an excuse! PS: I know plenty of desi kids in US who are Americanized when they are with Americans and yet they know how to be Indian when they are with Indians. It all depends on how they have been brought up, mine sure knows how to behave either way. Some parents let their kids americanize so much and then look back and regret that their kids don't respect them or that they married an American or whatever the story is. Although there are no guarantees, parents do have a huge role in how the kids turn out.
WOW Amitha, Your & my thinking are so much alike here. My love towards Bengaluru keeps me pulling... only my in-laws are pushing us back from Bengaluru:rant:rant Myself and my DH are thinking same in terms of R2I and kids education. As my boys are born here, they would come back for their higher studies if they want to. IMO, kids back in India have to face challenges than here. Competitive spirit/mode is very high in India. But here, majority of Indian & Chinese kids are competitive, (there are few exceptions with non-Asians too). I think, there no need to worry about kids education and all.. the bright kids would shine anywhere.
