Parents first......alliance called off!!!!

I am the sole of THAT MAN!!! Good job "That Man"!!!
OP: You are correct...

 

Good for your niece. Wise decision. :thumbsup

 

If her gut feeling is saying, that this man will not be a good husband to her, I think she made a very wise decision.

 

I think your niece has a good instinct here. It seems like the guy is already thinking ahead of the situation and perhaps is making some assumptions here. Analysing the situation from what you have written here, it seems to me the guy has already put the girl on defence here: his words could easily be interpreted as a warning, "I like you, but don't come between me and my parents." Of course, I dont know the context in which the prospective groom had said those words. But it seems to me he is expecting adversarial relationships between the in-laws and not one of harmony.
To me, it is not a good idea to start off on a relationship on this footing. Were he to have instead spoken about how strong his bonds are with his parents and how much love he feels for them, it would have been different, no? That would have only demonstrated to the prospective bride that he is capable of attachment with her also and that she would be very important in his life, if not the most important. I know that was what I went looking when I was in groom searching mode - a healthy relationship between parents and adult child, tempered with an ability to think for themselves.
I really do think the prospective groom took the wrong tack with your niece. For all that he knows, his parents and she would have gotten along very well and he would never have had to put one ahead of the other... When you love your family, one person cannot be more important than the other. It should be situations which demand such prioritisation not people, methinks.
That said, it is possible the young man said something not quite right because he was nervous. If that could be a possibility then I think a second meeting and a more elaborate conversation could set things right - if she thinks they are compatible every other way.
Just my two cents.

 

Quite possible.

Very hard to interpret on messg board without their body language and context.

 

Adara,


Good to see you after a long time. You still in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on">atlanta</st1:City> or moved to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region>. You have plans to move <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> right.

I believe this has been a common trend to convey girl message about taking care of his parents. I don't know whether the boy has this thinking in the mind or that get injected by parents. But at least quite of them would tell the same thing, but at this stage they really don't know what does that means. You might see Ajan35 post but he quite well know what does that means but some, I believe they don't know what does it really mean.

There could be two chances, he can really turn into great husband. There is proverb, the person who takes care of his parents very well responsible to take care of his family.
I believe it's signal for the bride that he is responsible to take care of his parents and his needs.
If you cousin is wise, she should have put the same words with him and see how it goes and she would have tested his maturity to deal with the things.
Anyhow it's called off. No use of discussing. She knows what she is looking for her. Best of luck.

 

I agree with the part that why did he have to say specifically?Recently a poster had the same problem...her would be said the same and after marriage he showed his true colours.
I wish all girls are strong like your cousin's daughter...when a girl gets an intuition,it is better to stay away.I can understand if the boy says he wants to take care of his parents and never leave them.that is acceptable and gives positive vibes.This line of parents first and wife next is suspicious...you never know heat the man actually means.that being said,the man cannot be judged on this aspect alone.the girl should have probed further.

I think you and her mother are worried unnecessarily...she will get a wonderful man who understands her well.she knows what she is doing and she's just 25.she has another year to go...give her mother some confidence!

 

Hi Adara,
I feel she made a bad decision, which was premature. She could have spent some time with her potential in-laws & the rest of the clan and met him a couple of more times before making the decision.
But it may not cost her much as there are billions of guys still left. But the bad part is, she came out of the whole exercise feeling like a sprint champion, high on Gatorade and adrenaline. Life is a more than a marathon. You don’t judge a person based on one conversation. He was not reading from a well-prepared speech on a teleprompter. Men mature over age & women continue to make emotional decisions althroughout their life.
Wish she spent some time with her potential in-laws & the rest of the clan before making the decision in haste. Any way life goes on…Wish her luck for finding a perfect one…