I think I caused disaster in my family - I'm scared

My belief is that after your son/brother gets married, you should stop telling him how to lead his life / treat others. Whether for good, or for bad, his life's decisions should be taken by him and his wife, not his parents or siblings.

I follow this rule with my brother very strictly. Even when there are situations where I feel he or my bhabhi should have treated my widowed mom in a different manner, I keep my mouth shut. They 3 (mom, brother, bhabhi) live together, I don't know the dynamics of their relationship as each of them does. So as an outsider, who am I to tell them how to treat each other?

I believe that non-interference is the best way to maintain a smooth and loving relationship between married siblings and DIL and IL's.

 

Kimaya,

You did the right thing albeit a little late.

Don't guilt yourself into saying SIL is young. She is a woman old enough to be married and bear children.

If she is deviating from the topic, bringing up your FIL's health in between the fight, it means she doesn't have a proper response to give you and looking for hurtful words to throw at you and your H. Your H needs to learn to accept the facts as they are. Today he feels bad for parents, then tomorrow he will feel bad for you that he let you suffer... how long will he live in guilt? If he stands up for the right, the truth, at every point, he needn't look back and feel guilty at every point.

 

way to go kimaya:thumbsup

 

Kimaya,

You did a good job!! thumbsupthumbsup:thumbsup
Wish I too have the guts to speak up like you do..

 

Drpreethis,

But, 10 years is quite sometime, girl ! Well, if it was me, I would've made sure people realise mine and their place in 10 days. As far as we are not at fault, we dont have to ' shiver ' ! Relax.

I want to speak up too but I am VERY VERY SCARED that my hubby will turn against me for not respecting his family. He has told me few times that he'll slap me infront everyone if I talk back at them. ): How am I going to face them if hubby beats or scolds me infront them?

He expects me to be nice to everyone even though they disrespect or insult me.
So what should I do?

 

pmahensa,

you are doing the right thing. :thumbsup

 

kimaya,


i would say..... VERY GOOD,SUPER AND WONDERFUL JOB.
only wen u give them back..... they will shut . if not keep on going. i am happy for u.

 

Good.. I am 100% with you in what you did.. But SMILEMOON, the problem I have seen is, they still dont shut up..NO matter how much **** you give them back and how. They would always be the 'poor' parents of the guy you stole away from them.

 

Well done Kim. 10 years, is a long time. If it was me, I wouldn't have been quiet for so long.

 

So what ? As long as your DH knows the real you and knows that you have done no wrong and tried your best... what others say or think should be of no consequence. We need to have self-confidence in ourselves and stop judging ourselves through the eyes of people who have nothing better to do than criticize others.