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IS my SIs in law right?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by akruti9, Sep 16, 2010.

  1. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    This incident happend 2 yrs ago but still it revolves in mind I just wanted to clarify it.
    2 yrs ago my inalws came to US at their daughter's place at that time their son in law was not feeling well. MY FIL is lil irritating type who consantly bugs and irritates you even if you don't like. He started irritating their son in law saying that we should not have given our daughter to some one from your district. my other son and daughter got married from someone from our own district so they are happy my this daughter is not happy and all. their son in law is not a quite type he shouted at them and left the house and went to hotel and stayed at the hotel that night. That time he was on steroids he was not having control on what he was doing. after 1-2 days Son in law came home. My FIL was not quite he started bugging him again. For that he was so irritaed that the son inlaw came to hit my FIL , called him Bastard and asked him to get out of the house. MY FIL was calm did not do anything after one week they came to our place and stayed for 2 months then again went to their daughetrs place and shamelessly started talking to their Son in law like nothing happned. My sister inlaw was also quite she did not fight for her father's dignity. If I was at her place first of all my dad won't bug some one like that but even if they did I will never allow my DH to illtreat my dad. I would have faught with him for my dad's dignity. Now after that incident everyone is normal everyone is fine. are my inlaws so shameless or is that a way a girl should behave?? Is she a good wife or a bad daughter? I don't understand Please help me?even after all this my DH is also nice to his brther in law and expects same kind of shameless behaviour from our side.
     
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Seems like you have all the time in the world to talk aobut things that happened some 2 yrs ago??:bonkthat too the ones that your SIL had to deal with. not even your own issues.

    Did you have to face any abuse from your BIL? if not then why are you trying to analyze whether someone is right or not.

    First of all your SIL was wrong. She is married to her husband. How can she let her father constantly bug her husband. So, might be she had told her husband that her father has this nasty habit so he can ignore...but the SNIL as he was on some medication couldnt take the crap anymore so shouted at FIL. but might be he doesnt really mean what he says..as somepeople just scream and cool down quickly. Same might be with FIL. as they are elders, sometimes they just talk out of their anxiety even though they dont really mean that the other person is BAD. so he might have thought that bugging SNIL like that was wrong and thats why the SNIL got mad and when his daughter is happy with SNIL why does he have to worry etc...so thats the reason might be Why everyone is back to normal and minding their business

    One thing here is..for people like you who stick to issues that happened 2 yrs ago...its really difficult to move on in life past the troubles, issues , hurt and naasty worries. But for people like your SIL, her husband and your FIL its easy to fight and then immediately let go..which should be actually the norm...i.e even if yout alk your mind out both parties should just let it go and dont get it inb/w your relationship

    STOP analyzing and move on
     
  3. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Well said, SriVidhya.

    It all happened to your sil not to you. You are not at all involved in that. Just don't make it a big issue after 2 years. It is not your business. Treat your father in law with the respect. We are all humans. we do make mistakes. Let it go.

    have a peaceful life.
     
  4. shilpapriya

    shilpapriya New IL'ite

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    There are many things to do in many ways in this world.
    Ignore your SIL issues. :p
     
  5. twity

    twity Bronze IL'ite

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    akruti9,
    I have a doubt...In another way would u allow ur father to illtreat or bug ur husband? ....where does ur DH dignity go then?............


    Regards,
    twity
     
  6. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Srividya,

    I am not the one who is hanging to the past I am relatedto that issue becoz till today my FIL and DH gives that example and tells me that that is how a girl and girl's parents should behave and my FIL picks the things of 5 years ago that happend in our marraige and stil he is torturing me. That's why I am related to this issue.
     
  7. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Akruti,

    I beleive she was right becuase her father is the one who started bugging her husband .
    If your husband starts comapring betweenn her sister and you,ask him to make a clone of his sister and also make clone of his parents then he should have married same set of people with same mindset.
    Tell that your parents didn't visit you for last 5 years unlike his parents visiting them there daughter.
    First let them visit you then talk about other things later.
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sweetheart, if they refer to that old issue and keep bugging you, you know what to do:crazy tell your husband firmly that you are the DIL of the house and it wont look good if you raise your voice just like your BIL did:ideaand thats why you chose to keep quiet:coffee am sure your husband would get the point but at the same time..I would say..when you know your FIL has this nasty habit of nagging, then why even think of such people...that too how long do they stay with out might be 4 or 5 months in a year??? dont spoil your mind with all these maa...not worth..it just makes your day unpleasant. dont let it happen
     
  9. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Akruti,

    To answer your OP, your SIL is wrong for not speaking up for her husband. Your SIL is married and her dad had no business to talk about the 'otherwise this could have happened' situation. The guy was sick, was on steroids, he was suffering and to top it your FIL nags him. In my opinion he is a nice guy, that he left and stayed at hotel. Otherwise, mostly such IL's get kicked out. Your SIL should have stood up for right person, not for her father or husband. In this case, her husband is right and she should have shut her father up. Your FIL lost his dignity by nagging an already sick man. What's there to save his dignity?

    And to answer you following post, I second Sri's response. Mutual respect should exist between the families and righteousness should be supported always.
     
  10. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks to all of your replies. I even felt that my BIl was right but no my inlaws don't see that they see what a saddist their son in law is and how great their daughter and they are who are just absorbing everything like a sponge and keeping her daughter's married life nice and on the contrast we got a DIL whose parents are not like us and whose daughter is not like our daughter and blah blah blah.... My dada will neevr ever bug my DH like my FIL did. My sis inlaw asked thousand times to shut his father but he did not and he lead himself for such stupid situation where he had to hear filthy language from his son in law.
     

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