In-Laws behaving very rude 4 weeks before wedding

Ramo,

Stick to your principes, maintain your dignity, individuality and character. Don't let other people alter your behavior. By this I mean, if they act rude with you, that should not change your behavior towards them. You behave with respect towards them, and if they still are rude, its their problem, not yours. Since your fiance supports you, try to keep up that bond, because that is the only thought that will give you strength to stay polite to rude people.

ILs rarely like DIL, so don't worry. Even in many arranged marriages, where ILs are all happy with DIL before marriage, suddenly decide to change their attitude. So there is nothing you can do. Just do your best in maintaining good relationship with them and leave the rest. Support your fiance and let him know how much his support means to you. Even after marriage, if you and your DH have a strong bond, ILs rude behavior can't hurt you. Good luck with your wedding. :thumbsup

 

It is what it is. They don't like you. Maybe someday they will, so I guess you can hold on to that hope, but for the time being, just accept the fact that you are not liked.

You are getting married to your fiance, not his family. He is really the only one who owes you any type of support or loyalty. If they want to be rude, that's their choice. As long as he is willing to stand up for you and think independently from what his parents say, life should be fine. I know it's an Indian saying that you don't just marry the guy, you marry his whole family, but the reality is, no.... you really do just marry the guy. Who do you walk around the fire with? Him. Who ties the mangalsutra? Him. Who do you make vows to? Him. Whose name appears besides yours on the marriage certificate? His. So yes, you're getting a mil and fil, but you aren't getting married to THEM. While they will always be a PART of your life after marriage, they are not the main part.

You need to have a frank talk with your fiance to make sure he has the stamina to support you through whatever lies ahead. Tell him you will always try to be polite and gracious, but the emails and phone calls won't be continueing forever if you keep getting ignored.

As for the wedding, you need to ask him what his vision is for the big day. If he says he wants this and that and a chocolate fountain and a swan ice sculpture and a violin quartet.... ask him how all that is going to be possible if his family is refusing to coordinate with yours. Say that unless you all can come together to plan it smoothly, maybe simple registered marriage would be better. Tell clearly your parents can't do all the planning themselves. Then listen to what he has to say.

 

Things are not looking good. If you think it's bad now; it's only going to get worse after you are married. Where does your fiance stand in all this??

If his only advice/comment on this situation to you is - "keep trying harder and they will come around" that is really problematic because he is putting the entire burden on you to repair this irreparable situation.

If he isnt doing anything about it now, he definitely wont do anything about it later. Actions speak louder than words my dear, and if his actions do not include suporting you and trying to make his parents also express a welcome to you, things are not looking good.

You know what you are getting yourself into - really think about it before you take those rounds around the sacred fire.

 

Your fiance could change for the worse, or could change for the better. There's really no way to tell. It's a decision you have to make whether to move forward or not. Since you love him, I think you should marry him. But just mentally prepare yourself for issues ahead, and vow to work on the issues together. If you're feeling anxious, try to get some reassurance from your fiance. It'll probably calm you down a little.

 

my dad always says "when in doubt say NO" - - you are highly doubting if your marriage will work.. If I was you, I would cancel the wedding..

In the end its your decision.. good luck

 

Ramo,
It's clearly visible, they dont like you at this point!!! May be you both can hold the wedding for sometime and sortout the issues.
Normally this kind of ego issues crop up in marriages and more in love marriages. But negative signs are more in your issue. You talk to your fiancee and arrange for a meeting and sortout the things.

You can directly go their home and try to see if they are in welcoming mood or not. Let them know about your intension and definitely you are looking out for a decent relationship with them.

 

I remember reading a very point to point similar thread by one more ILite here. Problems arisin with inlaws just few days before the wedding.

Point here is yes your fiance took a step forward but did that help? NO rather it made the situation worse. So what does that show, that he has no control what so ever on his parents or should I say that they dont care what he wants, rather they care what they want and your fiance thinks his parents are right.

I am not saying he is bad, but yes he is supposed to let his parents know how they have to treat you, if he doesnt lay down teh ground rules now and hopes and expects you to make things work out, how will the things work out?? you are a new person in their family, and if you start your relationship with them on a wrong note, how would you make it right without having some set ground rules from the begining itself?

If he doesnt think his parents also have to make some changes in the way they behave/talk, high time you have to tell him about it. What he spoke to his father we dont know. did he tell you what he told his father? what if he had said, after marriage we can change the girl the way we want to, she would adjust as per what you need, fornow pls let it go, let the marriage happen etc..etc...so do you call this as talking or just sweeping things under the carpet?

Please delay the wedding for a while. If they are so angry and adamant that they didnt even return back your parents call, its worth waiting and fixing issues even before you move forward with marriage.

Meaning of love is we should know how our spouse would feel and ensuring we dont hurt our spouse. If it is one sided and the other expects more, things would lead to bitterness. so just delay it for a while and see how things flow.