How not to get provoked?

Hi nithya , this is common thing in every married couple acc. to my point of view ,i had also same experience i also went to india without my husband & my in laws also create lot of crape bet both of us, i also did same thing whatever u did .
But in your case after few times or days ur husband going to join u ,then do whatever u like & also convince ur husband with any matter regarding ur in laws , u have some right or responsibilities so by knowing your rights u should perform your responsibilities ,tell only significant thing or exact thing whatever u like or not regarding ur laws, because meanwhile ur laws are parents of your husband , so try to avoid all kind of crape or unnecessary thing , be with your husband always remember your laws have some rights then do nt forget all ur responsibilities or duties as bride or daughter in law.
just keep all this thing n your mind thats makes u happy & help u develop good relation bet u & husband .

 

My Mil behaves the same. but these days I avoid talking to her as much I can and once in a while even though I dont like whenever my husband gives me ph I ask some standard question and hand over ph to my husband and never ever talk to my husband about them. You need to act smart. if you dont like the way they talk try to engage yourself in someother activity when they are around and try to avoid all comments. pretend to be busy you have some activity to do all the time. Never get mad and fight with your husband act smart.

 

Nithya why this unneccessary fights??? C if I were u then everyday would be hell for me coz my inlaws and we stay under a same roof and everyday she will try to create some new issues.
Here u have to act smart, ignore her worthless arguments and never carry those useless tales to you DH. If you do then you are allowing you MIL to succeed in her mission.

Here if my DH takes his own decision on any matter she says I am influencing him, for example if he prefers chapati's for rice even then I am responsible for cutting his intake of rice. I am totaly responsible for every action of his after marriage.

So dont bother about such crap, some times she may know its not true but she is deliberately telling JUST TO C U HURT.
Dont give her that chance, enjoy your trip without any hassles and arguments.
good luck

 

Nithya.. First and Foremost... if you don't want to spend time alone with MIL THEN DON'T.. Its simple every time you find ourself alone with her pick up the newspaper to read/ switch on the TV/ or simply shut your eyes and pretend to sleep....
As far as your MIL being the main problem in marriage well... thats very common and since you have to tackle her mostly during your visits or hers and by telecon I simply suggest that you should learn to ignore her remarks.. if she tells you things you don't want to hear simply smile and DONT REACT... move away .. change the topic... I know its tough but by telling your DH are you solving your problem??? you simply become the complaint box and she the ever sacrificing wronged MIL... so who is winning??
Please enjoy your stay with your parents and visit your in-laws as much as respect for them demands you too...
K

 

Oh wow! I thought only my MIL was an expert at this (taking crap behind DHs back)...

I used to take it and give crap back to DH...my married life became a hell until I realized my mistake.

Now I am giving it back to MIL..directly/indirectly or some way.... again, all this in DHs absence...right when she gives crap... I hate to do this, its so stressful to hate someone so much...

This tip is golden

" Dont interact with your inlaws when DH is not around"

All the nonsense she created was when DH was not around...She was an angel when Dh was there.... Next time i'll remember this...

I LOVE this forum...

 

I don't know what kind of things she would talk.Is she talks bad about you or your parents?if normal MIL stuff ignore or if she talks very bad then record it on your cell phone and play back to your husban and leave it.So your husband would get to know about it and he may take some action by not leaving you in the house when he is not around.
Not sure it's a good idea or not but instead of you having no peave of mind,may be this will give some confident and some peace.

 

my MIL hits me at my weakest point. ALWAYS. She talks bad about my folks. Last time when she did it, I told her "I am keeping quiet because you said it. If it was someone else, i'd have given a slap" ...she kept quiet for sometime and then left...that was not enough...she started again...

I dont know why she is so insecure about my family...they NEVER said a word to her...they are even scared of visiting my MILs place....

 

This is quite common and mostly the DH never try to address the issues the DIL has with ILs. On top of this, they expect their wife to be super-nice towards them.

Well, first of all you are an adult. So, keep your husband out of it and deal with your fights yourself. Dont talk bad about his parents to him.
The psychology is that, people tend to mentally harass only those who will accept it. People are careful when dealing with those who do not take any CRAP.So, stop accepting it. REACT then and there !! If MIL talks bad about your folks dont keep quiet. Tell her that you will not tolerate any bad-mouthing about your folks.

Tell her calmly and assertively that - "If you dont apologise for what you just said, I am leaving and dont expect me or my kid(s) to ever come to your home or have anything to do with you until you apologise". She is sure to get shocked. Inform her that you mean what you said by packing your bags and leaving.

Let her go and complain to your DH. Tell him clearly that if he expects you to talk to her, ask her to apologise.

Another thing, if your MIL doesnt treat you well in DH's absence, stop doing all household chores. Dont step into the kitchen. Dont bother to entertain her guests. Watch TV, take a nap. I am sure she will be irritated and scold you. Just stay cool and dont bother. Just tell her jokingly - I am on a vacation and have no mood to work !! Why dont you hire a maid:thumbsup.

 

Ha Ha Friday 13th must be a special day for MIL 's

So my MIL is not a bad person, but she is an insecure person, which causes her to say and do things that do not befit her age. Talking bad abt my mom, my upbringing, the dowry, my work habits, my sleep habits, me trying to "control" her son etc etc etc you name it and she does it.

Like others have said, this has lead to fights between DH and me until I figured out that instead of running to him for help and sympathy, I need to figure out how to deal with this ON MY OWN.

Doing this is not an overnight process and takes practice, a strong will and patience.

1. Learn to ignore. If she says or does something you don't like, just don't react. For example, my MIL will tell me don't chop veggies this way do it that way. If I agree with her, I will do it her way, otherwise I keep my mouth closed and do it the way i want to while keeping my mouth closed. Many times she just stands there staring at me because I am not doing what she told me to but I just ignore and carry on with my work.

2. Distract yourself. If she says something I don't like and I feel I cannot keep quiet I start watching TV or get up and leave the room. To this she has commented "oh she is so wierd just got up and left". I just ignored and did my own thing. Or changed the TV channel or raised the volume.

3. Praise her in front of other family members. Lie if you have to. My MIL cooks really well so I praise her cooking a lot. She's a bad housekeeper though but I keep telling her ohhh you work so hard. You must be so tired you must take rest blah blah blah. That makes her happy and costs me nothing. And generally prevents her for making comments on how I spend my vacation.

4. When you go to India, it is YOUR VACATION. So do exactly what you want to do. Sleep late, eat out, shop to your heart's content. If people say things, just ignore. The moment you open your mouth you become the bad person so just do what you want to but keep your mouth closed!

5. Know and believe that just because people say bad things about you does not make you a bad person. Believe in yourself and your goodness. Don't let what others say or do affect your self-worth.