Help!! I am vexed with my Inlaws and SIL :(

<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Crishikag%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="Edit-Time-Data" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Crishikag%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso"><!--[if !mso]> <style> v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} </style> <![endif]--><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <wunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <wontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> Hi All,

This is my first post here. I'm venting here over the last several episodes because I'm finding it harder than ever to keep my mouth shut. Hoping that all of you will provide your valuable suggestions for my problem

A little bit of my background:

I am 26 married to a sw engineer and live in <st1lace u4:st="on"><st1:city u4:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Bangalore</st1lace></st1:city></st1:city></st1lace>. My In-laws and parents live in a <st1:city u4:st="on"><st1lace u4:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Hyderabad</st1lace></st1:city></st1lace></st1:city>. Mine is an arranged marriage and I am a working . I am come from a financially we to do and highly educated family than DH's and my inlaws were aware of this before our wedding. . I do not have kids yet. DH is a very sweet guy and loves me a lot. The problem is with my MIL and SIL. Both are very cunning, always emotionally blackmail my husband and keep complaining about my parents. SIL is married and has a baby. They live here in <st1:city u4:st="on"><st1lace u4:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Bangalore</st1lace></st1:city></st1lace></st1:city> very close to our home. SIL thinks she is still a baby herself and expects us to do every thing for her. They always try to create problems for us and complain to my husband that I spend too much of money on trips ( I love travelling and make sure we make 1 or 2 trips every year to some place), don’t cook for him, don’t respect them etc etc. My SIL does not work and still she squanders money on trips, shopping etc and nobody complains. Whatever SIL does is perfect and everything I do has flaws in it according to my inlaws. They never ever appreciated me till today but always copy my ideas, thoughts, ways dressing etc etc.They have double standards....i shud not call my husband by name but their daughter can. I should not talk\maintain relationship with my parents or brother but they call their daughter everyday.

The only problem with my husband is that he never talks against his family and thinks they are very fair minded and kind people (which are not).Whenever i tell him that his parents and sis are not behaving with me properly, he brushes my concerns aside and argues that he knows his family well and they cannot lie\torture\misbehave with me.

THE ACTUAL PROBLEM:

We have not been married for too long (2 yrs) and I love to spend time with my husband, go out for movies and have fun. My sister in law thinks we are free baby sitters and drops in uninvited, leaves the baby at our home and disappears for hrs together to spend time with her hubby.I land up taking care of the baby, changing diapers and feeding food to the child<u5:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" u1:spt="75" u1referrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"><u5:stroke joinstyle="miter"><u5:formulas><u5:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"><u5:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"><u5:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"><u5:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"><u5:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"><u5:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"><u5:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"><u5:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"><u5:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"><u5:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"><u5:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"><u5ath u1:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" u1:connecttype="rect"><u5:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style="width: 24pt; height: 24pt;">:bonk<!--[endif]-->this has happened several times and my husband keeps quite when they do this. I have several fights with him about this, begged him to inform them that we need our *space* and a have a life of our own. He is too scared to talk to his mom and sis about this becoz he fears this will destroy our relations<u5:shape id="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style="width: 24pt; height: 24pt;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style='width:24pt;height:24pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\rishikag\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif" o:href="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\rishikag\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]-->:hide:

They don’t even have the courtesy to call us and ask if we are ok with them coming over to our place. MIL keeps nagging husband to invite them for breakfast\lunch\dinner on weekends. She calls my husband anytime of the day\night to help her buy groceries and other stuff (god knows what her husband does?)

What should i do? Should i talk to her and let her know that i am not pleased with her behavior?

We recently bought a flat and moved here about a month ago. I did a lot of research and went around a lot before i decided to buy the place since i wanted a perfect home I was happy that i will have some peace of mind but bham!!!!!! ......now my sister in law and her husband like our community so much that they have given a check to reserve a home here<u5:shape id="_x0000_i1027" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style="width: 24pt; height: 24pt;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1027" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style='width:24pt;height:24pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\rishikag\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif" o:href="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\rishikag\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]-->:drowning. We tried our best to tell them in several indirect ways that we don’t want them to buy a home here but nothing worked<u5:shape id="_x0000_i1028" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style="width: 24pt; height: 24pt;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1028" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style='width:24pt;height:24pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\rishikag\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif" o:href="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\rishikag\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]-->. My MIL is encouraging them to buy here.

I am so devastated ladies. I can’t imagine them and me living in the same community...my life will become miserable...I will become a permanent baby sitter When my inlaws visit, they will stay at our place since MIL thinks it’s a crime to go and stay\eat at daughter's place. My SIL will come and stay here itself if her parents are visiting. I don’t have a great rapport with inlaws and they hardly talk to me (it’s been like 3 months since we talked). She expects me to cook, clean, manage the home, do seva for my husband and still go out and earn money.

How should i handle this situation? How can i convince them not to buy here? What should if they go ahead and buy here anyways?


MIL tries to control us in everything, tell me what to cook ,how to cook, what to wear, when to go out. They expect us to give them control of our finances!! Father inlaw is still working and DH bought them a nice flat to live in before we were married but that is not enough for them ...they need money money and more money. They don’t want my husband to buy me a car since they think I will become independent if I drive. They were really upset because we bought a home. She hates it when we go out to eat since it a waste of money .They suffer from SEVERE INFERIORITY COMPLEX SYNDROME. MIL cries and created a big drama on phone that my hubby doesn’t talk to her anymore (he calls her 2 times a day), that I have ruined their relationship. They always have a feeling that my parents give us advice and we listen to them which is not true at all. My parents are well off and MIL can’t digest this fact...she is jealous of my mom ...they once went to my place, had a wonderfull dinner and came back to complain that my mom served them curd rice They stopped talking to my parents now. They are extremely manipulative and mean people

MIL even brainwashes my husband against my parents and husband doesn't interact\talk much with my folks. I am the only girl child for my parents and they always expected their son-inlaw to be like their son. They treat my husband very well and are greatly hurt by his behavior.

I can truthfully say that I have always been very nice to his family. I never stopped my husband from doing something from them. I don’t understand why they want to create troubles for me? They hate us being happy and .I am not the type of person to hate anyone, I am a kind hearted person, but the constant rejection, nasty jealous comments when we visit, favoritism has made me not want to be around them anymore and I feel like I want to cut myself off from them totally. I dont like visiting them anymore because I feel totally depressed when I meet them and it really gets me down. I love my husband dearly and would never say nothing to hurt his feelings but his family is really horrible.

Please tell me how i can handle these pathetic people?They are acting on my nerves and I cannot tolerate this anymore Will it be OK if i have a candid talk with them and my husband? Should i involve my parents?

Sorry for the Long post. Thanks a lot of reading it. Suggestions on how I can GET MY LIFE BACK and be happy are greatly appreciated.


Thanks

Dhatri





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Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I really appreciate it