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I want to know this!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shruthi12345, Aug 3, 2010.

  1. shruthi12345

    shruthi12345 New IL'ite

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    Hi Guys,
    how are you all? i hope you are doing great!
    i wanted to discus some financial issues.i have been married 3 years and i am an housewife.i never asked anything much about his money matter.he does not discus or tell anything much,if i ask some he will just replay to that that's it.
    i know he lends some money to his friends,give alot of money to his family.i fell i want know about all and i don't know his bank balance,savings anything.
    i fell uncomfortable to ask because i does not tell proper.
    what should i do now?should i ask!
    if you say yes,how may i start?
    one more thing what about u guays,do u ask your sopuse?
     
  2. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Shruthi,

    Let me not comment on whether you should ask or not because only you will know better your level of comfort with knowing or not knowing the financial details.

    As for me,
    I never ask/asked my DH about it and he never talks about it too. It is a given in my household that he takes care of the finances (mine and his) and I am fine with the arrangement too, so absolutely no complaints there. My FIL and DH deal with it. They are the captains and I am happy to be the merry sailor which happens to be exactly the way my DH prefers it to be.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2010
  3. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    I thonk you should know about your financial status. You ahve been married for three years. Don't you sign the tax return? How do you get money? Do you have a check book.

    I am not suggesting about the control of money matters. Just to have an idea. It is not only his money, but yours too. He may think that you can't understand the stuff. He may open up and explain to you.

    Good luck. :)
     
  4. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    One caveat mstrue. You have a super responsible and super trustworthy DH. In such cases, its ok, else it may be wise for shruthi to know some more info on these things.
     
  5. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Women must know the financial status and how finance is handled at home. Knowledge is different and handling is different. Even if they don't deal them directly, it is important to know how it is dealt.
     
  6. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    I agree 100%, SP! :thumbsup

    Shruthi wanted to know how is it in every other household. My post is more a response to that particular question. :)

    EDIT: I agree with you too, CW. :thumbsup
    I just put my faith on DH and rest. It works for me and I am also aware that it may not be a wise decision for all, as SP says.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2010
  7. Cool1

    Cool1 New IL'ite

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    Discuss it...Not directly but indirectly...
    Tell him that you are maintaining a financial file you want to keep all the data in it so that your DH wont forget any FD maturity date or so.

    Or start an LIC or something..It better be discussed rather then staying confused.

    I mean some women are comfortable not knowing and some are uncomfortable.It totally depends. I discuss with my DH. Since I also need to know..Though he added my name as a nominee to everything without my asking him still I ask him. Mostly in the financial year end.
     
  8. sowmyaram

    sowmyaram Senior IL'ite

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    i think its our right to know whats happening and whats not... though u don't maintain the financial aspects its necessary to know every other details of it... cause u don't want get a shock someday.... it may be in a good way or bad... knowing every details will help you to respond properly to the family financial issues in a matured and right way....


    and in my place my husband takes care of major financial transactions except for household transaction which is taken care by me and he does share every other detail of his transactions and even i let him know abt my transactions... :hiya
     
  9. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Should you ask or not is based on your wanting to know or not. Since clearly you want to know about the financial details, you should ask.

    Why do you feel uncomfortable talking about it. He is your DH and you should have a rapport where you can talk to him about anything under the sun. Put aside you uncomfortable feelings and talk to him directly. He is your DH, not a stranger or outsider.

    Me and my DH talk about everything. We never made a conscious attempt to discuss finances. We talk about love, movies, family, vacation, career, .. anything under the sun... and finances was no different. We did not treat it any different, so it was no different.

    When a kid trips and falls and you give him special attention, he will cry sensing something is wrong. If you just ignore, he will get up and since no one is noticing him, he will continue playing. Similarly, don't give any special treatment to financial details... thus making yourself and your DH very aware and uncomfortable. Talk freely and openly. Its just another aspect of your life. Good luck!
     
  10. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Keeping your in dark about his finances , is the evidence of lack of mutual trust and good intimacy.

    What is going on in the form of his reluctance to tell you about his expenditures etc, is an effect of lack of mutual trust and lack of intimacy.

    In other words, he is not comfortable , coming near you, in terms of emotional intimacy. He wants to be distant from you emotionally. He is scared, that you may stop some of his expenditues (like sending money to his parents etc), if you come to know it.

    This is the reason, he keeps you in dark. What is needed here, is a lot of patience. Yes, I agree, you , as a wife, have every right to know, his financial moves. but, shouting for this right, immediately, or an overnight intimacy will land you up in more trouble.........he will distance himself from you more and more.

    Be patient. Try developing an overall relationship of mutual trust and mutual friendship. This will need a lot of quality time together , like going for shopping / movies etc,

    It may takes months or even sometimes years, for this level of mutual intimacy/ mutual trust to set in.

    Then, using this mutual trust, you have to convince him, that you will not try to stop any of his financial moves like sending money to his parents etc,

    Establishing this trust is a delicate act........may take days/ weeks/ months or years

    but finally, that is what is required. Then, sharing financial dealing with you , will come out of him automatically.

    At this stage, without an emotional closeness with him , without mutual trust, if you DEMAND, details of his expenditure, it will widen the already existing gap between you and him.

    Have I conveyed my point across, correctly, Shruti ?
     

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