Is sending kids to daycare good or bad for kids?

Hello Everyone,
I have been reading this forum from some time and I have few questions...and need your help from your experinces.
First of all Congratulations to Godschild for winning the Popular Thread contest. You are thinking from your end and from past three days I have been thinking from baby's point of view like how does it effect their thinking process for what they are going through.
I am not working right now, used to work before DD was born. Now she is 15 months old and I started searching for a job. We thought, if we start sending her to the Daycare for a couple of weeks, slowly she'll get used to it and when the time comes it won't be that painful for her as well as for us.
We joined her in the Daycare this week and for the first two days, she was very happy, b'coz it took sometime for her to realize that we are leaving her.
From third day onwards, she started crying when we enter the daycare itself.
I have been thinking more from her side, like what she might be going through? how does it effect her psycologically and brain development kind of things, if she is crying like that.
In one of the threads here I learned that kids will learn lot of good habits as we parents tend to pamper them a lot, they don't learn good things at home. I'm not sure if that applies to all day cares and all kids.
From past three days here are my observations:
1. In the daycare, the staff were telling me that she ate well and slept well. I'm making sure she eats well in the evenings after coming home and sleep well.
But, she had only one diaper with BW, which is not normal when she was at home.
I heard from friends that in daycares they offer food on time to kids and give them like half hour or one hour to finish it, if they don't the staff don't feed them unlike parents do at home. And kids easily find that difference, but they can't express it even if they are hungry. I'm sure it feels so sad, like a hell for them that they are being punished by their own parents for no reason. I don't know how to cope up with this, also I'm not sure how good it is for them to learn/ make them eat by themselves in this way.
2. She never had the habit of sleeping on her own. Not even a single day she slept on her own in the past 15 months, we need to be with her, patting or rubbing her back all the time. But yesterday when I went to pick her up, she was sleeping on the floor and the staff told me she was playing and suddenly started crying and slept on her own and they don't want to disturb her. When I saw her on the floor, I felt miserable.
I don't know, should I be happy that she learned to sleep on her own in this way or should I be sorry for putting her through this stress. It was pathetic. But my DH tells me, atleast she is learning something.....God know whether she is really learning or feeling stressful the whole day.
3. The staff told me, she always likes to play alone with toys and if any other kids comes near by, she gets upset and start crying. My DH was telling me, that she needs sometime and it is too early for her to mingle with everyone and we should not expect that. May be that is true, I'm not sure, but if we got out to malls or restaurant, she is always cheerful and wish everyone "hi and bye" with a big smile. She is not like that in the daycare now.
She has been crying from past two days while we leave her and my DH tells me it is for her own good and she has to go to school anyway, what if she does the same thing there? I think school may be something different, atleast they will have some activity, I don't know at this point.
For me it's only a matter of one more week, but I want to know how does kids behave if they are sent to daycares from a very young age. Is there going to be any change in the habits, behaviour and thinking? Do they feel lonely.
Please share your experiences, if there is anything I can do, to make her feel better, I'll implement that from my end.

Thanks a lot for your time in reading this till the end.
Thanks,
pvd

 

Hello Ladies & Working moms,

Could you please share your experiences and how it will help/ not in kids development?

Thanks,
pvd

 

Hello Muskaan7,

Thanks a lot for your reply. Before I got your suggestion, I was also thinking in the same lines to go to the daycare.

After joining her, the first two days she didn't cry while we are leaving her, but from third day onwards she started crying (she realised that we won't be there till evening). So, on her third day in the daycare I went to check on her in the lunch time.

The staff asked me to stay at a distance and don't show up myself infront of her, otherwise she'll cry. So, I observed her from a distance.

The scheduled lunch time is from 11:00 to 11:30, so the staff put her in the high chair at 11:00 AM and placed some steamed diced carrots and a couple of spoons of pasta. She ate some carrots and tried to taste pasta, she didn't like it so she spit out.

They gave her milk also in the sippy cup (which I told them, that she is not used to it). My DD tried lot of times to drink that but couldn't... even a sip.

They took her out from the high chair at 11:30 AM and left her in the crib.
she slept after 10 mins of crying. All this happened infront of me.

The worst part here is not that she didn't eat, they didn't feed her either, also in her daily report on how she ate and slept, they wrote as she ate lunch well and had 6oz of milk....which is absurd.

I was schocked to see that, why to write something which is not true?

I continued the same thing on Thursday and Friday...no change either in her eating or in the report.

From that week's sunday onwards, untill next sunday she had fever caused because of some viral infection (Coxsackie virus) and we didn't send her till now. so she went to day care only for a week.

From that one week experience....

1. On her third day, when I went to pick her up in the evening, she was sleeping on the floor and when I asked the staff, they said, they don't want to disturb her.
That is first time I saw her sleeping on her own with out anyone around and with out a pacifier. Not a single day she slept on her own till then.

2. On the fourth day, she was blank and just looking around...when we went there to pick her up, she didn't smile or happy after seeing us.

3. Same thing happened on the fifth day also. She was blank and tired.

Hi ajuma,

This one is for you.
If you want to leave your child in a day care and if your job and time permits....

First and foremost look for a very good daycare which is nearby, so that you can go and check on them at least once in day, until you get some confidence...

1. Start slowly, like send him/ her few hours a day instead of sending for a whole day at once.

2. Feed DD/ DS before leaving them in the daycare and by the time they come home, prepare some food and keep it ready. So that, even if they don't eat anything there, they won't be starving.

3. Make sure they are hydrated enough.

4. Be prepared to take any leave if needed.
we were told by our pediatrician that 99% of the kids who join the daycare will be infected with something or other. He told us that his son also got infected the first day they joined him in the day care five years before and he has been seeing the same cases most often.

After that one week of sending her to the daycare, I spoke to lot of other moms who send their kids to day care, almost all, everyone told me, it takes time for them to adjust......for some kids it will be a couple of weeks for others it may be a couple of months, but eventually they'll adjust and eat well.

Hi ATI,

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience, it gave me some comfort on how they mingle with other kids. The staff in the daycare told me that my DD always tries to play alone and most of the times with books and if anyone tried to go near her, she'll be upset and start crying. So, I got so worried about that, but your words are comforting. Thank you for that.

PS: I tried to give this reply a lot of times, but all the times either the login failed or the whole message got deleted after clicking the Submit Reply button. Sorry for the delay in my response.

Thank you all for your valuable time and suggestions.

pvd