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Married singles?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Jambu, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. Jambu

    Jambu Senior IL'ite

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    We hear there has been increasing number of wishes from people to want to lead a separate life, as their spouses are not that co-operative in some aspects. We also hear couples who live under the same roof, are beginning to lead separate lives.

    It is often the most simple theory - doing everyday things together in life that will help you not only grow closer as a couple but also the fondness for one another will grow as well. Long-term love used to mean doing everything together.

    Not any more.

    These days married singles are a growing breed. The trend is on the up but not at all just happens accidently. While the term once be exceptional circumstance, the new married singles are redefining it and they think it may just be the thing that rescues relationship. Different hobbies, separate bank accounts and mutually exclusive friends all spell a trend that ends the good old ways of combining everything.

    Is it is a natural evolution? – Or this generation’s way of redefining their love life into something that works for them. Do they think it has the benefits of long term commitment without having to resort to the ‘C’ word all that often?

    It seems to be ‘compromise’ is one of the irk-factors for these couples. It is evident that while living in each other’s pockets and giving up the dreams to comply with a partnership causes resentment and frustration, but living completely independent lives won’t allow enough of an intimate connection.

    Where are we heading?

     
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  2. kumudh

    kumudh New IL'ite

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    You term is not a fictional but real. Your post reminded me of other post in the same thread about "how important" is this term marriage & I just posted a comment on it..here is this .. you might find some common things in here.. http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/99286-is-marriage-important.html

    Well, certainly our future generation is heading for troubled childhood.. for sure.. Marriage fails at the faster rate now causing side effects like innocent children's in to troubled life from the beginning. Welcome to the western civilized world.. Marriage is no more a compromise rather become selfish for gaining each other's monetary value. Majority of people from in our part of world India stay in marriage still but rather single in actuality by living under one roof with no common purpose or love, mostly for just economic necessity or for kids or financial insecurity.. etc.

    Your last word " but living completely independent lives won’t allow enough of an intimate connection" is some times make sense.. living independent lives is sometimes is best & sensible in otherwise suffer the endless trouble of bickering, pain & earn the title of "married single" - Why not just be plain?
     
  3. Jambu

    Jambu Senior IL'ite

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    kumudh
    Thank you for your input and agreed it is real not fictional.

    The point I wanted to make is, the marriage is the main institution that organizes people’s lives. While it is agreeable, at times, spouses live apart due to various circumstances; living separately under the same roof & managing own finances will create detrimental effects as the time goes by. Indirectly they are moving towards incapable of living together in a state of harmony.

    By being married we should cultivate a lot of relationship with the family, friends and neighbours rather than being too self-centered or too socially incompetent. Everyone needs a few friendly souls in their life, so you need to care about and you need to be cared about. The reality is, important emotional needs in our life cannot be met adequately by ourselves and they must be met by others.
     
  4. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    This is not a new phenomena by any chance.
    A wife not accompanying DH to his place of posting and staying put in one place was quite common earlier too. Kids education was always a good excuse even for stay at home housewives. The real reason could be something else entirely !
    If ones emotional and other needs are not being met by the spouse then this can be a good option other than a divorce.
    There are several couples who amicably or not are leading their lives in different cities and happily following their careers. They meet on vacations, perform kids marriages ,other responsibilities and stay together after retirement.
     
  5. kumudh

    kumudh New IL'ite

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    Flower, I think your correct & it is an option instead of going separate ways. My brother who all along in his career, for some strange reasons take a posting in different city instead of wife's place b/c have seen whenever they are together they fight or have tensions between them. Almost up to retirement age, he stayed separately in different city working but goes to wife place often like holidays etc.. Wife Excuse is kids education.. As you suggested, the real reason is staying together creates bad blood, so why take a chance, simply lead a life like married single... APT TITLE JAMBU brought to this thread..

    Actually this would be a good option for peoples who don't want to see each other's face often. This way marriage as institution is saved & living for society while giving limited freedom for each themselves. Couples stressed at marriage should try this option first before parting ways..
     
  6. soumya234

    soumya234 Platinum IL'ite

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    I too feel that when couples fight for every silly thing day in and day out, its better to work in separate places.But the responsibility is more for the person who takes care of kids.The other person just comes on weekends and festivals.

    One of my friends parents used to be like that and they never knew what adjustment/compromise meant.Now that both are retired and staying together, wife or the husband starts some topic or the other and always always misunderstanding.I feel very bad for them since in their retired peaceful life, all they do is complain about each other to their daughters' and fight:thumbsdown.No other way for them than staying together.Even if one person tries to be calm, the other doesnt leave a chance to pick-on the other.Now daughters' keep worrying @ how they fight:notthatway:.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2010
  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Staying in different locations is definitely a better option than fighting for a divorce. This way the kids get the love and care of both parents, the DH and DW get their freedom and things are calm.
    Dirty linen is not washed in public. All family functions are attented and responsibilities undertaken.
    If we look around our own families or neighbourhood we will find quite a few examples ,this not a new thing by any chance.
    This is a good option if they dont want to remarry.
     

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