Divorce - better in US or India?

Spiderman1 · Jun 19, 2010

In terms of where one is going to "work" and "live" as in country/city etc, There has to be some level of discussion and negotiation. But if there is a stalemate, then someone has to make a decision. I dont believe in hubby working in country/city X and wife living in country/city Y for EXTENDED period of time (Yes, some situations will require it on a temporary basis, agreed).

In that case, someone has to make a decision - cannot be undecided. Often times it is decided based on the work requirement/pursuit of the primary breadwinner (which is usually a DH, or if there is a stalemate there, still some decision needs to be made one way).

Unless DH is going to work in some remote/no-goodschool/no-facility area, if it is a reasonable place to bring up a family, then the family may need to relocate. Happens more often than we think. This is not male chauvinism, but reality of balancing immediate family life, extended family and career/job prospects + economy.

OFCOURSE - goes without saying - DH cannot come and say "We are going, dont care abt you" like NB's DH did!

Priya16 · Jun 19, 2010

I don't know here who wanted to initiate the Divorce.Why don't you stay seperated for sometime and see how thing will move.
According to me not any place easy than other.Each one had it's own procs and cons and we really can't tell India is better than US or vise-versa.

I just came back from India and I am feeling this way right now.Peolple who live in US longer time feel that other end is better than here.But the reality is always different and it depends on so many factors,where you live and what kind of people surrounded by you.

I woul suggest ,stay here as long as you mentally and physically strong and get back to India when you can servive here.

Foundlove · Jun 19, 2010

Dear OP,
Here are a few things you need to know about the legal processes here VS there.

US courts are clean and process is smooth.

People don't look down on you or judge you.

Its easier to survive in US because the logistics are easier to take care of if you have a good job.

If you get sole custody then there is no 1 week here etc... Its only visits and that too every other weekend and maybe 1 day during the week. If the DH is not so keen on meeting or doing stuff then you are home free he will not make efforts to meet her as he should.

Divorce is a sad and its painful. You need to be very strong to go through it. Call your parents to be with you if they can come.

FL

newbeginning · Jun 19, 2010

Ok....looks like when a girl comes here in these forums directly for advise on divorce...ppl tend to think that either she has not worked enough at it or is too adamant and has a personality/ego issue.
Now please go thru this thread of loveldoll's http://www.indusladies.com/forums/me-and-my-spouse/98748-advice-please.html.
My story is exact same and probably even more because...I took all this and even had a baby thinking that baby might make him better (unfortunately IL.com didn't exist at that time to advise me not to get the baby in this). But the baby is a little girl now and she is also suffering seeing her most loved ones living like this She knows a lot and its hurts me the most when she suggests me not to answer daddy when he is yelling she tells me to just let him be and stuff like that......more like a mature, grown up girl. She is at a age where she is supposed to be carefree and play like a kid....being a mother it churns my heart to see her going thru this.

Also just to mention here, I was an IL member all these past years as well and posted my issues and got many useful suggestion in the Me and My spouse section too. I don't want to disclose the old id nor I want to iterate thru the bad episodes here My newId should be the indication that I want to close that bad chapter in my life and move on....

Regards,
NB

newbeginning · Jun 19, 2010

Foundlove said: ↑

Dear OP,

Here are a few things you need to know about the legal processes here VS there.FL
Click to expand...

Dear FL,

Thanks for the inputs. Well, I have no one who can come here to help me...so in any case I will have to go thru all this alone with the kid. Also coming to think about it all......is it going to be tougher and painful than what I am currently going thru or been through all these years? IMO probably not...so indirectly my hubby has already prepped me for it

See from my analysis, my worst case scenario is the joint custody.......so lets go with dealing with worst case first....I would like some more inputs on single mothers dealing with joint custody and how they share time with kid etc.

Regards,
NB

SriVidya75 · Jun 19, 2010

NB

One thing is sure, you are the one who is facing the situation and all the pain. So you know better what kind of a person are you? and where this decision of divorce stemmed from!!! So no point in thinking of what other posters think about you. Yes many would come up with suggestions, questions or clarifications, Take what you like and the rest ignore..

However am glad to know that you have put the past behind and want to start a NEW BEGINING...really a good thought and please dont let anyone intimidate you! It takes lot of confidence to say that in best interests of everyone its better to be separated than live together and crib about it daily.

newbeginning said: ↑

See from my analysis, my worst case scenario is the joint custody.......so lets go with dealing with worst case first....I would like some more inputs on single mothers dealing with joint custody and how they share time with kid etc.

Regards,
NB
Click to expand...

I remember DRJP and kaavya posting some threads in this subforum..please view the old threads in this section you might find some info

sarma · Jun 19, 2010

Spiderman1 said: ↑

In terms of where one is going to "work" and "live" as in country/city etc, There has to be some level of discussion and negotiation. But if there is a stalemate, then someone has to make a decision. I dont believe in hubby working in country/city X and wife living in country/city Y for EXTENDED period of time (Yes, some situations will require it on a temporary basis, agreed).

In that case, someone has to make a decision - cannot be undecided. Often times it is decided based on the work requirement/pursuit of the primary breadwinner (which is usually a DH, or if there is a stalemate there, still some decision needs to be made one way).

Unless DH is going to work in some remote/no-goodschool/no-facility area, if it is a reasonable place to bring up a family, then the family may need to relocate. Happens more often than we think. This is not male chauvinism, but reality of balancing immediate family life, extended family and career/job prospects + economy.

OFCOURSE - goes without saying - DH cannot come and say "We are going, dont care abt you" like NB's DH did!
Click to expand...

That gave me a huge chuckle, Spydee!

If one partner has issues that are relevant that is gonna help shape the negotiation any way as a bargaining chip usually makes it a no brainer. This is how most people reach a decision.

If there is still a stalemate, it usually means that there are no 'deciding factors' that can tilt the decision one way or another. Both partners have good reasons to keep to their pov.

What you are saying is "Let's negotiate but if we can't reach a decision, my decision stands". I will not do that. it means some other solutions have to be explored. One should not assume emergency powers

newbeginning · Jun 19, 2010

Thanks SriVidya for stepping in my shoes. IMO, a person wearing the biting shoes knows exactly where it bites the most......for people seeing from outside the shoes look nice and snug!!

Please guys don't come to conclusions on a girl, just because she asks inputs on divorce directly.
Again I might not have put in complete 100% and surely have my flaws too...but hey show me one person who is 100% perfect!!! When you see absolutely no reciprocation from the other party, is it not better to leave them alone rather than to hit ur head against a wall and lose your sanity too? Infact I feel the my hubby is stepping all over me even today to intimidate me and weaken me to the core...so that his male ego and his "dominance" factor gets satisfied. IMO, marriage is not that...its a sacred institution where hubby/wife respect each other and build a caring nest for their children to grow and nourish.

Now my mantra is ....leave the person alone...if he truly cares, loves us...he will realize and might come into some discussion terms, if not then he was never ours!!!

Regards,
NB

sarma · Jun 19, 2010

newbeginning said: ↑

is it going to be tougher and painful than what I am currently going thru or been through all these years? IMO probably not...so indirectly my hubby has already prepped me for it
Click to expand...

Often such questions embed answers. IMO, You will not be asking yoruself that question if it was not so.

SriVidya75 · Jun 19, 2010

NB

Are you still planning to wait on him to initiate hte divorce? or are you trying to research information on which path is more suitable and less nasty?