Need Advive - about SIL

Hello coupon4vidya,
Co-sis related issues havebeen discussed earlier too in the same forum. Though few ppl are like own sisters, but few are like this.
There are certain ways to handle this kind of people diplomatically. Though we dont show our taken for granted behavior, but ppl tend to take us for granted, because we can't say NO to it, so assertiveness is lacking us.
As your house is nearby to her office, why dont they shift to near to your home?Anyways your BIL is tend to commute from your home, give this idea.
Try to ask her to do some stuff,help you in the kitchen or with kids.Silence may be her weapon, but your weapon should be delegating. She can't complain to her husband also as they are staying with you folks.
A home should be a peacemaker for a family, but not everybody related to it, defintely a third person will be a burden after sometime, may be financially or physically. You need to have enough space to spend with your kids and husband. Let her know that you need so and so stuff to be done before her leaving to office or coming back from office. I dont think she will stay with you for long if you start this treatment.

 

Hi Coupon4divya,

I second Priya_mommy, she is correct, just do what she said and see ur co-sis will leave ur place in no min, trust me, i have the same type of co-sis, but she is elder to me and i am younger to her, when i was new to this country and knew nothing, she exploited me a lot, she used to leave her kid at my place and go to work, not that i dont like childrens, i used to take care of her kid with all love and affection, but when i had my own kid, she dint even bother to hold him affectionalety, that's what hurt me a lot, i still love her childern, since there is nothing wrong that they have done to me, i cannot show her anger on her kids, they are very precious to me, but as a mom i feel, when it was her turn to show affection towards my kid, she did not, and i can never forgive her for what she did.

As said, some people are just like that, we need to be very smart and delegate some work to them, only then u will see their true colours, trust me, she will never ever come to ur home once she knows that she needs to work at ur place.

Good luck, and chill, all will be well.

 

Looks like she is trying to take advantage on you.She should not do that.I dont know if personally she is good or bad,But even if she is good she must talk to you and explain why they are not inviting you to their home.

What I would do if I were you is,I would just casually tell her that how much you would appreciate any help in your tight schedule.(I am not used to being rude to anyone in my life,SO OBVIOUSLY mine would be a slow one...)If she does not help you even then,you can just politely ask her if she can do some work in the kitchen like make dinner while you get to spend some time with kids..If she does not do anything even after that,then just dont talk to her and do you stuff..just respond to her questions and nothing else..When you do all this,any one should realise that you are not happy and should help you or leave...

Dont stress out much...let them order food from outside so all of you can have...try out all the options..I hope you will feel better soon and keep us updated on what happens..

 

Wht i fail to understand is that why is she comng and living with u guys for such a long time? Why is she comin every weekend? This is outrageous!:bonk

I think u need to keep urself busy on weekends and tell them u r going out or something like that. A few weekends like that and hopefully they will stop piling on u and ur family. There is simply no need to be diplomatic with such people. Parasites in my opinion! Directly or indirectly u have to make it clear that u cannot have them at ur place every other day. U also have a life...they too had better start living their own life!

 

You have a problem with the couple as such, not just with the co-sis. Your BIL is to be blamed equally for imposing so much on you. In my opinion, if their frequent visits and prolonged stays bother you, then you should ask your husband to discuss and sort things out with his brother. Its easier if the unpleasant conversation happens between brothers rather than between you and your BIL or co-sis.

 

Divya,
Whats your DH's take on this ?

 

:rotflAre we twins, DDC?
This was my question too.

 

Familiarity does breed contempt
Your SIL and BIL are taking undue advantage of you. What does your husband say about this? How can they just come live with you and not do anything? I like Priya_Mommy's suggestions for immediate relief. For long term effect though, I think you should tell your husband what you think.

 

Hi,

Have you taken ur hubby's opinion on this? If not, just try to explain to him about the pressure you feel, and ur need of time for urself and kids and for husband...And u need to show ur SIL that what she is doing is wrong...I would also suggest what priya said...You cannot always let people take advantage of you...