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Husband abandoned me in US and am alone here! help me

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by niceperson2345, Jun 8, 2010.

  1. kAlyaniShAnti

    kAlyaniShAnti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Nice,

    First of all throw away the thought of death.... You have expressed your concern about your father, who had a mold heart attack recently. So such a thought is not worth it. And above all, for such a jerk person (and ILs) this is just not an option for a nice person like you.

    I am 100% with Shanti. I won't repeat them.

    Shred off those negative thoughts and start acting with proper plan.
    Call/ talk to his friends/colleagues to find out his whereabouts. Why have you not done it yet in these two days!

    Take help of ur friends in the US to locate some help group. They will show you the right direction.

    You have already had work experience. Whether u live with this guy or leave him, try for a job asap (i hope ur visa permits that). Loosing interest in ur own career and to live with 'some' husband is not an option, at least for you at the time being.

    He can not marry without a divorce (hope u have proper papers related to marriage with u) and it is upto u whether u divorce him or not. So it is not an easy way for him.

    Please check up about your valuables and important papers (marriage certificate, ur passport, etc) are in place.

    There must be certain issues somewhere which made the situation so bleak for you. Henceforth be very cautious.

    It is not the time for any negative thoughts now. Discuss with proper people, decide plan of action.

    It is time to act!

    Take care.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2010
  2. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Dear niceperson,

    I concur with others and say, death is not the solution for all the problems. I have all the questions that others asked. Why is their a rift between you and his family? What are the instances when he physically and emotionally abuse you?

    Firstly, you need to find out the reason he gave at his office to leave to India. You can contact woman shelter, police and everything. But if you are at fault too, then I do not recommend that. Settle amicably and go on with your life. If you did go through abuse then you can contact your local DV shelter and they will help you. But what ever decision you make, do not make it in haste.
     
  3. ushkrish

    ushkrish New IL'ite

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    hi nice
    hope you have viewed all the posts in reply for your original post. pl. respond. dont take any hasty decision, as others have pointed out find out what is it that your dh is upto by absconding suddenly. take your parents' support at this crucial time of your life. pl. do not loose heart. you will soon see a way out.all the best.
     
  4. niceperson2345

    niceperson2345 New IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Thank you very very very much for your quick and helpful responses. Your replies gave me a glimpse of hope that there is atleast some way to come out of this hell.It's been 7 days since he left to India. After he left I called his team mates and checked the next day whether he has come to the office but they said he din't. Later I found out that he took vaccation for 40 days. I am on H4 now it will expire in Aug 2010. But I am not sure what he is going to do after 40 days. His teammate also told me that he was able to contact my husband told him that he is going to resign from the job after finding another job in India. I don't know what will happen to my status in US now if he quits his job. I really want to find a job now but not sure whether I will get one in such a short duration.I have paid the rent for this month for the apartment as we both are on lease. But I don't have enough finiancial resources to support me for 3 or 4 months.Don't know what to do in this situation.
     
  5. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Why do you want to stay here and work. With H4 thats impossible.
    Please book a ticket and leave to India.Go to your parents.
    Work there for a few years and then get your own H1 visa and then come.
    Please scrape some money or sell your jewels and book a ticket. If you have friends loan some money from them and leave.

    goodluck
     
  6. newbeginning

    newbeginning Bronze IL'ite

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    niceperson,

    First of all try to gather yourself. I think you are in a state of confusion, anger and what not at your hubby and his family!!
    In my opinion, you should go back to your parents house for sometime....not for anyone else but for your own sake and sanity, esp with so many problems around with no work here and also your visa status expiring issue.
    There is no need to tell your hubby or his family about it, esp if they think by making him move to India, they forced you too. You should just ignore them for time being and pick up the pieces of your life.
    Its not the end of the world girl...you are still young, lots of years to live and enjoy life...so please cheer up now and plan accordingly.
     
  7. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    You cannot and shoult not work on H4 , even if you are getting paid from some odd job lets say cash, it is not worth. Again you living alone here is going to be very very difficult, without SSN and all. It is practical to go back to India now. That will reduce your problems to great extent, even if you have not much support in India, still it is better as you are in US on H4. Finding job in this market is tough even for US citizens and green card holders. Dont toil so much, I am sure all other IL are also concerned for your statements that you are alone and financially also you can only survive for few months. That is not good, get out of this situation..

    PS: Also when is your lease ending?, if your lease end is far then you may have to pay for lease breakage too, which will be lot of money depending on where you stay and what is the rent. If you leave the apartment without paying lease breaking put a email to your husband that you are leaving and he should take care of lease breaking as his SSN history will get ruined, since you dont have SSN on h4 and leave, dont pay lease breaking at all just by yourself if its your money and not his which I dont know how it is possible on h4

     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2010
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Tridev, if she's not on the lease or has no identification # that could link her to the lease, she should sock it to him and not even inform him that she has moved out. Who cares if his SSN history will get ruined? He deserves it. I hope he has fun explaining to his new wife why his credit sucks.

    NICE, I also think you should return to India. If you can't legally work here, it's going to be very hard for you to find a job. And even if you did work a job under the table and overstayed your visa, it could trigger big immigration penalties if you ever wanted to return here legally. Don't you think a better plan is to return to India, stay with your parents till you get back on your feet, and then figure out how to come back here legally?

    Good luck...
     
  9. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    ASG OP did say in #14 that she is on lease too , in US its a law whoever lives in apartment their names have to be on lease , but the primary person is the person who holds SSN in case of dependends on h4. If she leaves without paying lease breaking it will not have any impact on her as she has no SSN. You are right she should not worry of other outcomes to her husband if he is totally distancing himself

    "I have paid the rent for this month for the apartment as we both are on lease."

     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2010
  10. AnithaSrinivas

    AnithaSrinivas New IL'ite

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    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2010

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