Another Lakshmi, Another World, Another Story!

varalotti · Aug 5, 2005

Thanks Ambika, For a Different Perspective

Ambika,
I am happy that the snippet has provoked you so much. A really strong response which only the likes of Ambika are capable of. Now my point is that should a woman fall at the feet of her errant husband because of the children? Now Lakshmi is not saying that the children are going to be brought up as crooks or that she is going to neglect them. She only had to deny her boy the immediate prospect of professional education. The boy has to sacrifice that because his father was an errant husband. The boy had to forego the luxury of professional education because his mother treasured her self-worth more than an ordinary life of luxury. And who knows the boy learning from this incident might get a real education which is far more precious than the lessons doled out at the engineering college. And the boy will grow up to be a man who respects women and far more importantly as a person who values self-esteem and identity than the comforts of life and a false sense of security. Who knows with this kind of upbringing he might even become an entrepreneur who will have the capability of hiring a hundred engineers! The mother in Lakshmi might have valued this ultimate long term benefit and might have sacrificed the immediate short term benefits.
I am now facing two ferocious women on the subject. What more do you need to make this interesting?
Ambika, please continue the argument.
sridhar

ambika ananth · Aug 6, 2005

Lakshmi surely missed the bus

Sridhar,

If lakshmi forgives her husband and accepts him back, does it amount to her ‘falling at his feet’?, that way his very act of coming back to her also can be perceived that way and if one partner has learnt a lesson and is willing to contribute positively to a dead relationship, for it to blossom again, is not the other partner morally or emotionally bound to see it with a better and positive perspective than try to test his intentions by playing a crude joke ? Self-worth of a woman shows more, if she has the traits of ‘forgiveness and patience’ and that possibly would have taught Lakshmi's children better lessons of life than her eccentric way of playing ‘hide and seek’ with relationships…

You say - “who knows the boy learning from this incident might get a real education which is far more precious than the lessons doled out at the engineering college. And the boy will grow up to be a man who respects women “ – it sounds too far fetched Sridhar. Engineering college can never teach a person, what ‘life’ can teach… true.. provided one doesn’t play games with life. If we have to judge any real life situation, can we base it on conjectures, no way.!! So I don’t want to think on those lines at all….”If and who knows and all…”

All human relationships are laced with some sort of insecurity or the other, the more important it is, the more one feels insecure, because there is a constant fear of losing it. Does it mean we should view it skeptically and keep on testing it? If Lakshmi had seen life from a vantage point of view when her husband returned to her, and seen things in a better perspective and accepted the change, there wouldn’t have been a question of ‘false security’. It’s a reality, more down to earth and practical, which could have improved at least one aspect of her life. First of all when was she ‘secure’ in life since her husband deserted her and her life was a struggle anyway??!

In a woman’s personality, which ever role (like that of a wife, mother) is more dominant and which she perceives as important, will come into force when she has to take a major decision. Here Lakshmi proved beyond any doubt that she values herself and her identity more than anything else, but ”leading to what” is the main question.

Forgiving a repentant husband is ok I feel, when most of the present day women live with husbands who are ‘fantastic’ to the whole society, but are ‘maniacs’ in the private world. Here Lakshmi’s husband openly liked or lived with a woman, most men live with many women vicariously. How to measure a person’s morality and standards ?? Repentance by itself is a great catharsis which acts as a cleanser and Lakshmi’s husband deserves a kind of ‘ home coming’.

For some women life is a matter of ‘adjustment’. In fact, life by some definition means sheer ‘adjustment’, particularly for a woman like Lakshmi..!! Lakshmi surely missed the bus…

Ambika

varalotti · Aug 7, 2005

Lakhsmi Might Have Missed The Bus; But She Walked Home With Her Head Held High

Ambika,

I am very happy to see that this snippet is provoking your thoughts so much. Now we have enough materials for a full-day seminar on the snippet.

Forgiving the errant husband is not falling at his feet- that’s for sure. At the moment of forgiving Lakshmi thinks ‘Well I have forgiven. But if our roles are reversed what would he do?’ Not only very logical but also very natural. Now forgiving a husband who had lived with another woman is a very great gift of love which we very few woman can emotionally afford. Many may ‘forgive’ just for a sake of form but will be boiling within. Lakshmi was a character who while forgiving and accepting him on the surface was boiling within. She at least wanted to assure herself whether the forgiving Would be mutual that is when she goes astray, her husband will re-accept her. That explains the poser she makes to her errant, now-repentant husband.

Now about engineering colleges and real-life education. If Lakshmi had kept quiet her son would have got an Engineering Degree. Now that Lakshmi had done this (the son would definitely know) her son would get one message loud and clear. That identity and dignity are more important than secuity and luxuries. That was what I said when I wrote that he would get an education far more precious than the lessons doled out at Engineering College.

Agreed all relationships are laced with some kind of insecurity or other. Agreed one should not test it just for the heck of it. But here Lakshmi was not playfully testing the relationship. Had Lakshmi bluffed about a non-existent affair when the husband had not gone for another woman, had Lakshmi just wanted to test the forgiving powers of her husband just like testing his temperature or blood pressure, that’s a blunder, a great crime for which Lakshmi can even be hanged. But when a crucial moment comes where Lakshmi was about to hand over the greatest gift to her husband – the gift of forgiving him and accepting him back – would she not have a mind to find out whether her husband deserves the gift?

If the husband had told her that he did not mind Lakshmi’s affair either, then Lakshmi would have realised the husband’s true worth and started loving him even more than earlier and would have lived a happy life with him. But by refusing to accept her affair (she told him it was over and she told him that she was repentant) he has clearly demonstrated his capacity to use double standards in life, which Lakshmi could not tolerate.

Agreed Lakshmi’s role as a mother is more important. But it does not mean that she should sacrifice her self-respect to discharge his maternal responsibilities. Now that the husband has walked out on her she is not going to desert her children. She is going to bring them up, educate them (if not engineering at least something decent) and give them a life of principles. In that she has clearly scored.

Lakshmi might have missed the bus. But she walked to her destination with her head held high. To me that’s a better alternative than the bus-travel; because the cost of the bus-ticket in this case had to be paid with her self-esteem and identity. She might reach her destination a few minutes late( read a few years in the journey of life) but she reached there as Lakshmi and not as a doormat.

sridhar

concorde · Aug 8, 2005

thought provoking

much to think about. good work.:shock:

rathi · Aug 8, 2005

Interesting and provoking snippet!

Varalotti,

Interesting snippet that calls for so much discussions!

Overall, I am really surprised to see a male writer talking in favor of Lakshmi who stood for self-respect and identity, while the ladies (capabale of being idependent and forward thinking) are talking about self-sacrificing and adjusting to live with an errant husband in-order to give the children all they need.

I agree with Lakshmi! By standing for her self-respect and identity, she could have lost her son getting an Engineering degree. But she will definitely grow them up with good morals and principles of life.

Ambika & Sharada,

In my opinion, discharging maternal responsibilities is very important but not at the cost of self-respect and identity. It is too high a price to pay!

ambika ananth · Aug 8, 2005

keep the argument going...

Hi Rathi,

Life is like a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on the stuff one is made up of. For a woman like Lakshmi , who has no support system, its better to see things in a positive way. The greatest success stories of women who turned problems into opportunities are those who kept the welfare of her family as a whole and then had taken a stance. Talking big words like 'identity' and failing in her role as the supporting pillar of family, is not becoming for some one like Lakshmi. We are not talking about the whole women population here, it is a certain problem of a certain woman, and what I felt as a practical solution to the given situation of Lakshmi is what I expressed Rathi.
There is a four word formula for success that applies well to organizations and individuals - " make yourself more useful". Lakshmi could have made herself more useful for her children and could have brought a perceptible and real change in her husband by accepting him and thats what I call 'progressive thinking'.

Keep the argument going...now I am enjoying.
ambika

varalotti · Aug 8, 2005

Thanks For Joining In, Rathi

Rathi,
I was the only man fighting against ladies for ladies. Now that you have joined me, the whole thing gets interesting. Rathi, now give a detailed reply to Ambika.
varalotti
sridhar

concorde · Aug 9, 2005

interesting

a learning experience, reading various viewpoints on this Important Matter.

Sharada · Aug 9, 2005

lofty words

It's time I entered the discussion once again! It is all very well to mouth lofty ideals like "identity" and "self-respect" - but will such words give her children a secure future? I'm not saying that Lakshmi should be a doormat or martyr - I'm saying that she should walk out on him after her son finishes his engineering and daughter gets a job or gets married. All her life Lakshmi has toiled and struggled and where was the dignity when her husband openly flaunted his relationship? Now if if she and her children get atleast material comforts - what is wrong in extracting the maximum they can from him?
Lakshmi should have realised that her husband had one set of rules for himself and another for her. She should not have tested him; she should have pampered him and fed his fat ego. A few years later and when it was least expected, Lakshmi should have made him a pauper by transferring all the money and property to her name and then had the last laugh. It's payback time.
SHARADA

varalotti · Aug 9, 2005

A Message For All The Indusladies!

It's my duty as a thread-starter to thank all of you who had participated in the development of the thread. My special thanks are due to Ambika and Sharadha for holding their ground even against stiff opposition. Even more special thanks are due to the viewers who made this the most viewed thread (to my knowldge) - 260 views plus on the latest count.

My idea of starting a provocative thread like this one is not to have a debating session and announce prizes. Life is not a debate. I wanted to bring out all the alternative choices possible in a given crisis situation.
There is no single correct answer to my poser. This poser, like all important matters in life, is not a crossword puzzle or a mathematical problem which has one unique solution.

What you choose depends on your sense of values, priorities, your practical sense and the harsh realities of one's life all of which cannot be explained in detail in the poser. The decision Lakshmi took concerns her life and that of her children. And in this Lakshmi is the best judge. Similarly in any of the crises we face in life we are the best judges. We need not justify our decision to any one; but in critical situations like this we have a tremendous responsibility.

I sincerely pray Goddess Meenakshi the presiding deity of Madurai, and the favoured Goddess of the women, the world over, that none of the ladies in this site or any one who is near or dear to them, should face a similar situation like that of Lakshmi.

But should we happen to face a crisis, we should bear in mind that we have a number of choices. There are so many view points to a particular situation. Enough if we remember this and take a responsible decision.

Another lesson that is there for us in this episode is that every one facing a crisis is under tremendous pressure and more often than not are forced to take strange, odd decisions. Well, we can condemn, praise or criticise our hypothetical Lakshmi but towards the real Lakshmis of the world we should show nothing but compassion and give them less of advice and more of understanding.
If this much-viewed snippet has delivered that message to the smart and the sweet ladies who viewed and argued in these columns, then I am happy that I have done something to this wonderful site. Wishing everyone the best of luck.
varalotti,
sridhar