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Experiences as a new bride..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by honeybee, Mar 5, 2007.

  1. luckydove

    luckydove New IL'ite

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    Its a wonderful thread and i'm enjoying reading your experiences..
    Let me share mine...
    Ours is a love-cum arrange marriage,i had my education while staying in a hostel and was working before my marriage, but i used to tell my husband(then fiance)that i can cook well..but he never beleived.I know cooking as my mom is a working mother and i learnt it as i like cooking.

    After my marriage, its a tradition in north india that newly bride has to make something sweet (generally halwa) when she steps in the kitchen for the first time..I was aware of this and already practised making halwa before my marriage so there were not much worrys..but next day of my wedding, my inlwas kept "satyanarayan pooja" at home and before pooja, i was asked to prepare prasad,to my surprise, i had to prepare halwa for pooja and that too for around 20-30 people including relatives and family members..
    i had no idea about the ratio of water, sugar, ghee when making in such huge quantity, i was really worried as this was my first step in the family. I just prayed to lord and started cooking and after the pooja, everybody appriciated that but i still beleive that it is lord who saved me that day..

    Impact of that incident, whenver there is any pooja or special occasion at home, my MIL prefers me to prepare Prasad.and one thing which she likes most about me is my cooking.
     
  2. honeybee

    honeybee Gold IL'ite

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    Hi meeta
    Thanks for sharing your experience with us. There was no need for you to feel reluctant..:)

    Lucky you.. your inlaws are very understanding. Now I know you are a seasoned cook.:2thumbsup: Everything comes by practice right?
     
  3. honeybee

    honeybee Gold IL'ite

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    Hi mals
    With your excellent observation skills and "ready to mingle" style,Iam sure you can come up with interesting episodes narrated by friends & relatives.:-D

    Regards
    Honeybee
     
  4. honeybee

    honeybee Gold IL'ite

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    Hi lucky dove
    In my opinion seasoned cooks are the ones who can cook for a gathering with expertise.. so looks like you were one right from the start though you werecooking in bulk for the first time.:2thumbsup:

    Regards
    Honeybee
     
  5. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Honeybee,

    Great thread and it was wonderful to read up on everybody's experiences. :) Specially the ones where the MIL and FIL have been nice...

    My early days after marriage were a bitter sweet experience. The bitterness coming from FIL And MIL and the sweetness from everybody else.

    I had a love marriage and my inlaws had agreed to it verrrry reluctantly...after my hubby refused to consider any other proposal for about a year...:-D

    Didn't have a nice in-law experience with FIL not talking to me and ignoring me totally. He did not even come to our marriage. At home, on seeing me, he would make a face and turn away making some sarcastic remark. My MIL was extremely critical of me...kept telling me to take all the gifts that my parents had given (e.g. crockery, clothes etc) before I went back to US (with my hubby) as there was "no place in her house" for any of my stuff.

    My toe rings hurt like hell - I still remember it was a bg huge flower shaped one with very sharp petals...even after I told her that my toes were bleeding with constant friction, she just made a face and told me to keep wearing it as it was auspicious for her son.

    She did not allow me to touch anything in the kitchen or the rest of the house...even when the first meal by the bahu is supposed to be cooked, she made fun that I won't be able to cook for so many people and didn't allow me to do anything (but I had to stand beside her and watch and supposedly learn from her):-D. This was after I told her at least 5-6 times that I could cook and I know cooking well. But she just did not believe me !!:idontgetit: She thought that being an only girl with servants around all the time, living in hostel, working and living alone later on..in India and abroad..meant that I was spoiled and pampered..and didn't know the ABC of cooking. So if I even lifted a tomato to make chutney, she would scream at me to keep it down..and not to re-arrange her kitchen!! Duh...go figure...sometimes I felt like :bangcomp:

    Anyways - the good part was that all the other relatives (and neighbors) were GREAT and loved me...he he...:-D they kept on telling my FIL and MIL what a treasure I was and how respectful and quiet I was, wore sari all 24 hrs and kept a pallu and ghungat all day long for days on end...inspite of having studied in "Umricaa"..:wink: My FIL didn't know where to look...he he...

    My hubby's chachiji (his aunt) was a big help to me and guided me a lot during those early days. She told me to ignore all my FIL's and MIL's remarks and told me not to feel bad about it. She was sweet and still is my fav in the whole bunch of his relatives...

    Another fond memory I have is of dressing up every day in lovely saris and jewellery and going out with relatives and hubby sometimes for different pujas in diff temples all over the city...it was the month of May and incredibly hot in north India. But I would insist on wearing silk saris and keeping a ghunghat...:wink: it was great fun actually looking at everybody's astonished faces, specially when my hubby and I would go to our old haunts (like a ram shackle cafe near the university) dressed in all my finery and fresh mehendi on my hands...the people would keep ogling at us and the waiters would ruuush to serve us...it was so funny..:)

    After we came back to US, my MIL would ask me in every conversation about what I made for lunch/dinner that day etc...but after my husband started praising my cooking a lot, she suddenly stopped asking me..*I wonder why*:-D

    I have other wonderful memories of the early days...like hanging ALL the wall hangings and wedding gifts in our small apartment (it resembled a little rajasthan emporium in fact)..coz it was our first home together...:)

    It still is wonderful *touch wood* and I feel that our love has grown over the years and each year I feel that this is the best year of my life so far...:yes:

    Thanks for reading all of this so patiently...:-D
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2007
  6. honeybee

    honeybee Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Preethi aka Aarushi ( hope I got your name right!)
    Very interesting write-up :2thumbsup: .I felt sorry reading about the acceptance part from your in laws.
    Looks like you had a wonderful time being traditional in the blazing sun?:wink:

    Regards
    Honeybee
     
  7. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Honeybee,

    I had an inkling about my in-laws behavior because my hubby had warned me before...:) So mostly I have been indifferent to everything...of course the fact that I wasn't going to stay with them was the big thought that enabled me to get through the trying times..:-D

    I have a supportive husband...and I'm very thankful for that. He doesn't force me to talk to his parents or wants me to be "best friends" with his mom...he's pretty realistic as to what his parents shortcomings are (which is that they are very casteist in their approach towards other human beings)...as a mutual agreement, we have decided not to bring up our parents in any disagreements that we have...and that has helped our relationship a lot.

    I can't change my in-laws or my caste (even if its supposedly higher than my hubby's). But I can keep a formal polite distance from them (which I do) to save me from hurt. Its worked so far...:)

    As an aside, I have a great relationship with my BIL and SIL (my hubby's brother and his wife)...and others in his family are nice too...so on the whole its ok...:)
    And yeah, I did have a great time in the blazing hot sun...:2thumbsup:

    Aarushi

     
  8. sowmyapbhat

    sowmyapbhat Senior IL'ite

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    Hi everyone, I am a new member here, and this is my first post :wave:
    I got married last December and came to the US in Feb. I stayed with my in-laws in Dharwad for only a few days, as I was working and had to get back to my parent's house in Bangalore. But I have only warm experiences to recall...

    The first was on the day after the wedding, we had a bride-welcoming ceremony at my in-laws' house. I was wearing toe-rings that were quite loose, and was struggling to keep them on....my MIL's sister came upto me and jokingly asked, 'Do you know that one of your toe rings is missing?' I became concerned immediately, but she began to laugh and handed me the missing toe-ring!

    The second one happened on the day of my reception, again at my in-laws place. The beautician was doing my make up, and when she had to style my hair, she remarked that my hair didn't have the necessary steps...and she wanted to cut my hair for that style..I replied that she could do so, without thinking...and then my hair was all over the floor of the room...I became worried about the mess, but my MIL consoled me saying, 'Don't worry abt it, the maid will clean it up!'

    The third one was after the wedding, when I had to serve the guests a sweet dish. Just before lunchtime, my husband and I were both chewing gum, and I didn't think there was anything wrong with it :) I continued to chew gum while serving the guests, and my husband's cousin who happened to watch that, found it very funny, and commented to my ILs that they had a very 'bold' DIL!!

    It is almost a year since, but all of these incidents never fail to bring a smile on my face!:)
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2007
  9. SupriyaDinesh

    SupriyaDinesh Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    Mine was an arranged marriege.But i knew all his family members from very long time.So I dint have any prob in mingling with them.I had learnt cooking under my mom's supervision so i was not tensed to cook.But the gr8 part..in my 4 years of married life i have never cooked a single meal at my in-laws,coz we had cook and maid.. I would love to show my culinary skills,but i get so busy in other activities with MIL that i havent cooked any thing other than making tea and cutting vegetables.I feel sad about this.
    After marriage i went to chennai to start my new life.I recall one incident in the kitchen.Making dosa was a big problem at that time coz the tawa was not getting set.I am a great dosa fan.My mom makes tasty dosa.I used to cry for not getting tasty ones.How many days can i get from saravana bhavan.The dosa used to get stuck to the tawa like gum and i get only dosa podimas...One day my BIL had planned to visit my place.so i woke up early morning and started to experiement.Again disaster.The dosa was sticking to the hot tawa when i heard the doorbell..i guessed it was my BIl.i had to hide the tawa.. i was running around the kitchen to find a place to hide.At last i put it on top of a big plastic container(for rice) and recieved himt.I completely forgot about it.At noon i looked for the tawa..but coulnt find it..guess what... the whole of the plastic lid had melted and fallen inside the rice jar...with all plastic stuck on the tawa.. the sight was terrible..But no one scolded or commented on me-- new bride.. :queen..
    Thanks for reading patiently..
     
  10. Amicable

    Amicable Senior IL'ite

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    My experiences as a new bride wasn't that funny, just embarrsed myself. Before marriage, I was vegetarian , I never ate or cooked meat in my life. My husband knew it already. My husband loves to eat Non-vegtarian. After marriage he was still buying cooked non-veg. food from the restaurants. We were newly married, one day I decided to surprise him. Morover I wanted to impress him by my cooking.

    I download the recipe for Shami Kabab from the internet. Everything was going fine, untill the kababs started bursting into the fry pan and the whole oil got spoiled. So, I decided to add flour into the mixture to make solid kababs. Somehow, I made the kababs. Husband was happy to see I cooked non-veg for him. As he tried to cut the kabab with fork and knief, they were ROCK hard. He tried 3-4 times, finally gave up. We have a dog, he always come and sit next to us, when we are eating. He will eat anything we feed him. So, I decided to give him, even he sniffed the kababs and left. My husband couldn't stop laughing and my tears were rolling down. My husband got me ready and we went out for dinner that night.

    My mother Inlaw is a good cook. So, when she visited me first time in June, she told me how to cook non-veg. Now I cook Non-veg. for my husband. I am not sure, if I have improved or my dear husband got used to of it. :)
     

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