Friendship in US or other places......ALL FALSE!!!

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by meena2, May 17, 2010.

  1. meena2

    meena2 Senior IL'ite

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    I have never had a true friend till now. True in the sense, one who can really feel your pain. Especially, here in US, I find most people plain selfish and make friendship only with some motive. A couple of times, when I told some people whom I thought as close friends that I am moving, I could see that they withdrew from me quite noticeably.
    I mean lot of people make friendship in US just because they need a group to move around with, having parties and celebrations. There is no true friendship here among people in US.....especially our people in US.
    I am not sure about other places like UK, AUS or other places where we have our people. It is all made-up world of false friends in US......shame on friendship....these people..
    Do they make friendship our of some motive or do they extend friendship only because they like you.

    I have lost trust in people totally, these days. All the time I think I am getting close to them but only to realize it is me who is imagining and that is not the reality.

    I just hate this. Did you have such experiences....especially in US/UK/etc outside India??? People in India can share their experiences too...would like to hear it all.
     
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  2. epics

    epics Senior IL'ite

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    I 'm sorry to say that :iagree with you.. My experience is ...:exactly: same as yours
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
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  3. sulaksuresh

    sulaksuresh New IL'ite

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    Dear Meena

    I have had similar kind of experiences like you when I landed here in this country 6 years back. People move around with you only for their convenience sake..I think this is very common here...So I stopped believing in true friendship and all those things...True friendship is very very rare after school / college days...So I made it a point not to make too much friends, even if you have one or two that is fine ..but close to your heart and genuine with whom you can share all your feelings . I would not like to have friends for socilalising and for being in touch with the society. It is very rare to find people with the same wavelength like you to be your friend. If you get one,you are lucky. Some may not agree with me, but This is my experience.

    Sulakshana
     
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  4. soumya234

    soumya234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Not only in US.I feel India is also becoming the same in that sense.All they care is what can be the advantage of having a friendship with him/her.If their work is done, we are no one.And many behave so cautiously not to involve in friendship thinking if we may ask them for any favour:rant:rant.

    Once I heard a person who came back from US saying "You can't judge if people really mean what they say.Most of them are apple-polishers"
     
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  5. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Meena, I agree that friendships made in school and college tend stay more stroger than newly formed ones. I do not know if it is because people change as families and other priorities take over or if they are too preoccupied. So I feel it is quite bit of search to get true friends but one thing I can assure you is eventually you will get a couple of true friends - after almost a decade in US I think I can tell you this. I have known the same people for over a decade and it has never crossed a line and then I have known a few people for just a few years and they have become closer. I would call most of the people as aquaintences who may have a potential of becoming good friends - that does not mean I interact with them superficially. Many times something they said or did are give aways to their nature and I make the call then. But yes, thanks to FB and other social networking sites, there are some old freinds that get revived and it feels like one has never lost touch with them.

    So don't give up hope of meeting people with your wave length, just don't invest in them emotionally, yet and ofcourse people like us would never do things to others that have upset us. That will indeed bring true bliss to us :thumbsupSo that thing they say that people come into your life for a reason, season and a life time is so true. We should just know which one it is and move on!!
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
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  6. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    It is a sad truth.

    Since you have asked about other places as well.I will tell from my experience.People are same mostly in US & UK as well.But I had a group of friends in US who were just like how we used to be in India.We did not group together for the SAKE of socialising but we were/are real friends.

    In ME you can find a mix of people.People mingle here not just for the sake of socialising but it is more than that.One thing which was surprising when I came here was , the neighbours really care about you.When I came to ME initially though my hubby was picking food form me everyday(we were not done with the initial set-up), my neighbour used to force us to eat in her house saying why do you have to eat outside food everyday.Also, there are some people who get things from your mom and dad and religiously deliver it to you as well.But I have seen people like you have mentioned as well.

    It is not only in US but it has become the same in India as well.We are not mixing with people in the name of "privacy".I really do not know when this "private space" concept got introduced in India.I have seen people who make faces when you kid is cranky as well.

    There are people you will click with instantly.It is very rare to see but I have seen such people.You talk to them freely without having any inhibitions.

    Do not worry about people being selfish or whatever.Just go ahead with them if you are comfortable otherwise I think the best is to ignore them or have a distant reln with them.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
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  7. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    My DH has a good friends circle - some 10 guys. They knew one another from their bachelor days.. like they got aquainted as neighbors, roomies, colleagues, etc.

    Slowly one by one got married. *Touch Wood* All wives got along well from the beginning. No gossipping. No backbiting. No poking nose. Very helpful. Thoughtful. All are basically very nice human beings with common basic morals, who know their space and boundaries.

    Now all have kids. Kids feel more connected. Not only the kids.. even the parents or in-laws of the friends move with same closeness with all of us. The friendship continues with the same grace - all 20 of us (husbands & wives) feel like family friends. We share our joy. Sleep overs for kids.. get-togethers.. parties.. surprise baby showers.. potlucks.. barbeque.. outings.. overnight cabin trips.. all fun. AND we help one another in times of need.

    I am so thankful to God for their friendship. I hardly remember that they are my DH's friends and their wives. I feel like I had known them from my school/college days on my own - we are all that close. I feel blessed.

    I once photoshoped all of our kids into one big portrait ,engraved the following words in it and sent them as a gift.

    ..........Friends "R" us
    Once Bachelors & Bachelorettes
    Then Husbands & Wives
    Now Moms & Dads
    But Friends ever & ever
    The Family of Friends - forever!
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
  8. gjaya

    gjaya Silver IL'ite

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    I don't think it holds true for everyone. My experience has been quite nice here in US with my friends. I do not think my friends have made friendship with me for some motive, atleast I did like to think because they like me. I have not lost touch with some friends who have moved on to different state. I have made some really really good friends here in US.

    But yeah nothing lasts forever.
     
  9. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    My story is like Ms True, when I came DH had a big circle of friends and they all welcomed me as their own friend.I have had so much of pleasant memories with them. Now are kids are making memories.

    We stand by each other through thick and thin, support, love and help each other at all times.

    Not to offend Meena, but sometimes the vibes we give can shoo away friends.Make sure you are not all those things u have listed.
     
  10. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    Meena2,

    I have similar experiences like you. However, I will not generalize it.What I have noticed here in U.S is people just want to move around together, attend potlucks,go for picnics together and that is it. You ask them anything about H1b or any such plans/imp. decisions and you will see the behavior:rotfl. It shows how 'true' people are as friends. Such people only want some one to hangout with or travel. Even going for trips with such friends is a pain, in my opinion. All want to have their own way and own plans!!! Me and DH felt this attitude 2-3 times and then we opted out and we travel alone and enjoy a lot:thumbsup. Those who are looking for such hollow friendships,may find many to get along with. But, I am not that kind. I stick to my friends, no matter whether I can travel with them to Hawaii or not!!! Even the few people with whom we have similarities/likes and we want to get closer may not get closer thinking that we may ask some help off them in future and so always prefer to stay away or meet only in parties/get-togethers etc.

    I guess only a very few people can become your close friend here. I have a couple of them as I used to work/study with them back in India and now they are in U.S too and I am in touch.

    I think even India is the same now. I never found anything different in friendships when I relocated to U.S. I have a few close friends, scattered over the globe and I really cherish them. Apart from that, I have a few good friends on IL too who have supported me a lot. These are the people I would like to count as my friends and not those who just want company to travel/hang out/crowd for pot lucks etc.
    My post has become so long!! But, this was something I was thinking for a long time now. And, your thread made me vent out. Thanks:)
     
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