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Pls advice - Problem with In laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SoundVijay, May 10, 2010.

  1. Rohini Santhosh

    Rohini Santhosh New IL'ite

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    Dear Sound,

    I feel there is more to add and what you have posted here is not in full.

    What do you feel about this issue? Do you feel it is closed fully or it is still in the hang and expect your FIL to bring this issue again when he is back from US. If it is fully closed I feel you can stop worrying about What had happened because you cannot actually undo it. Start concentrating on your health which is more important now.

    I would suggest you to have a heart to heart conversation with your DH and get to know what situation he was in when these things happened at home.

    Get to know from him has he done anything from his side to avoid these kind of unfortunate events in the future.

    And when you and your mom know your MIL's nature it is always a better idea to avoid discussing with her matters that may give your MIL the room to gossip.
    And when your MIL tries to get such information from you or your mom, either of you can say politely that, information about other families is not our business. :idea
     
  2. SoundVijay

    SoundVijay Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Folks,

    Thanks for your response:thumbsup I'm not bothered about my MIL and FIL's behavior as it is not new to me. The thing that bothers me is my DH did not stand up for me at the time when my FIl spoke to my dad. The point is i have to build a very very strong relationship with him to make him talk for me in the future.

    Riya,

    This all problem started with my mom's sisters household issues only. My mom just made a statement of their house men helping their wives at household work. My MIL mistook it and thought of my mom screwing me up for involving my DH for household work.

    Rohini,

    My DH has spoken to his mom to stop these kind of issues raising up in the future. But my concern is my DH has allowed his dad to decide his relationship with wife. My DH is responsible for our relationship and not my In Laws.

    Regards,

    Sound.
     
  3. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    I heard of a maxim ' Guilty conscious pricks your mind'.. keep aside all your MILs foolishness and uncivil behavior.. The most important question is ' Why is your husband not standing by you'.. Secondly 'Why is your husband letting his father take control of his marriage with you'..
    It is these questions you need to answer yourself and know where your marriage is heading..
    Everytime something like this happens, your FIL will threaten you, as usual your hubby will stay quiet and you have to helplessly apologize to them.. Dont you think yours and your parents self respect is being trashed by them..
    The solution to this is get your husband to realize his responsibilities towards his marriage and render your FIL powerless interms of controlling your marriage..
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2010
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Sound,

    Next time your fil says something outlandish, like he will break your marriage... turn to your husband and ask him "Will you let that happen?" It will force your silent husband to speak up and either say 'yes' or 'no'. Then at least you will know where you stand with your husband and the extent of power his parents have over him.
     
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think you should tell your hsuband to learn from his father.See his father is very supportive of his wife.He doesn't even know what all happened but he just stand by his wife.
    Tell your husband to learn that to have a happy and healthy family.
     
  6. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi SoundVijay,

    I can clearly understand what you are talking. MIL creating problems for silli silly matters and FIL recating to them threatening to break the marriage and DH is silent spectator in all these. I do undertsand . Thouh I am in US but still on phones I am having all this trouble. Dear, the problems will bother you the more the more you think about it. Don't give your inlaws the power that you are still thinking about them. don't let that spoil your health. You are at your moms place enjoy it. Don't let other sto ruing your precious pregnanacy. First of all MInimize the talks with your MIL. mayeb for evry 3 days cal her and talk for 5 mins that's it. our and your MILS want that even if we are at our MOM's place we should still think about her, shiver as what wrong we did or we will do. and just keep thinking about her. Tell me something are you in same place as your inlaws? IS your DH visting you at your MOm's place? In Future, be care ful of what you are talking just imagine inlaws as a "pond of mud". IF you throw stones at them it will spoil our dresses. So just ignore them and moveon.......... This is the way of life of what I have learnt from the past 4 years...... so just ignore and have a helathy and happy Pregnancy god bless you dear!!
     
  7. raha256

    raha256 Bronze IL'ite

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    ASG, Well Said
     
  8. Rohini Santhosh

    Rohini Santhosh New IL'ite

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    Soundarya,

    Y dont u put forth the question of your husband not standing up for you when his father threatened to end your relationship to your husband directly?

    From what you say I somehow feel your husband is not willing to talk against his parents even for his wife. May be a perfect parents' boy. It wouldnt have taken you long to understand this.

    I strongly feel your relationship with your husband is rather very week and you must first build it up. If your parents in law know that you and your husband understand each other perfectly there is no room for them to influence their son.

    Now that you are not in your place, the time you spend with your DH will be very very less. Both of you plan for a day out every week so atleast you have some time to spend exclusively for you both. Talk about your future, your kids' future and anything you would like to talk and discuss on earth, but dont include any topic about your Parents in law. I strongly feel there is a lot in you which your husband din't or doesn't understand.

    Please start working on building up your relationship with your DH. As far as your Parents in law are concerned ignore them if they are creating unnecessary dramas. And tell your parents to be cautious in what they speak to you PILs as these people look like creating a problem at the drop of a hat. All the best and keep us posted.:thumbsup
     
  9. SoundVijay

    SoundVijay Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Folks,

    Yes you all are right. I must now concentrate on building a very very strong relationship with my DH and i have started doing it too. I am gonna make him stand for me like what my MIL has done to my FIL. Enough of my FIL taking control over my marriage. Your suggestions are really valuable. Thank you:thankyou2:

    Regards,

    Sound.
     
  10. ramnav29

    ramnav29 New IL'ite

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    sorry for the above post! happened by mistake....
     

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